Should we....?

[FlowerPetal]

After years of grief, broken promises and emotional abuse, my s/son didnt want to see his bio mum anymore and so, she quite frankly told him to not bother her again.
We have a fortnightly contact order which she broke in May '06. My s/son is pleased that he doesnt have to see her anymore.
My question is, should we return to court and have the contact order revoked with the added chance of having her wrist slapped but the added risk of the court demanding contact be re-instated.
My s/son is 11 yrs old and i dont really think a judge would go against his wishes, but to put him through all that again would ruin all the hard work hes put into getting himself back on track after 9 years of grief from his mum - but we all want and NEED some sort of closure.
We also want to have the residence order changed so that it is in both my husbands and my name since my husband has been unwell recently and my s/son is VERY concerned that should the worse happen, he would have to return to his bio mum. What order should we do this??

Flower xx

[dilf]

i believe that at eleven years old your sons wishes have to be listened to and no court will go against them . so i think shes missed the boat flowerpetal [though it sounds like shes not bothered anyway]
my daughter moved back with me when she was eleven and her mother could not do a thing about it .

[mrs_overall]

Following a change in the law in March 2005, where there is no allegation of abuse or similar, a child age 9 or over has the final say in where they live. If your husband was to die while the boy is still a minor, I can't see that any court in the land would take him away from you if both you and he wanted to stay together. However, there is always the worry that birth mum may turn vindictive/decide she wants the child benefit etc etc. I'd suggest you seek advice from a family law solicitor for peace of mind.

[FlowerPetal]

Thanks for your answers - VERY much appreciated.

I think once hubby is well again, we shall return to our useless Solicitor and get things sorted.

Mrs_Overall - where can i find out about the change in the law - we werent told about this and if we had, we wouldnt be where we are now! REALLY annoyed at Solicitor as he has prevented my s/son from voicing his opinion , other then with a Social worker who has had time to meet the bio mum and not us, for the whole court case (which has been going on for 9 years!) I hope you are able to send me a link to where i can find out more before i go back and speak to the Solicitor.

Many thanks
Flower xx

[auzzie]

FlowerPetal, can you not adopt him? You usually need both parents permission (and incidently your husband will also have to adopt his own son!!) If you can prove that the mother is not a fit person then you will not necessarily need her permission. It is a lot of agro but at the end of the day your s/son will probably feel more settled. Part of the adoption procedure is seeing a social worker on a regular basis and they DO take into account what the child wants. Took us 4 months to finalise the adoption for my son. Good luck.

[mrs_overall]

I only know about this because a friend of mine went through something similar. I've been back to her and she tells me she was given the info by the CAFCAS officer who was assigned to the case (Child & Family Court Advisory Service....I think). They should be in the phone book, or your solicitor will definitely have their number. She also said that the judge mentioned thhis change in the law to her. Good luck to you.

[FlowerPetal]

Auzzie, we thought about and seriously looked into the adoption option, but all three of us didnt like the idea of hubby having to adopt his own son - all seems very strange to us.
There is also the issue of the bio mum being VERY manipulative and vindictive and in the past has made up stories to get hubby into trouble long enough for her to get her story straight with her friends and family. And, to be honest, the added worry of what she would say to get her own way, makes hubbys condition worse and my s/son panic.
This is why our only option is to follow her lead right now and go with her refusal to follow with the contact order. At least this way, she has no chance to lie her way out of it.

Thanks for your comments - really appreicated. At least now i feel i have someone to talk to about it, talking to hubby makes his condition worse and i have no one else to chat it over with. Thanks guys xx

[nicolaandgar]

people really dont realise how much children take in and how much they really know whats going on. i was 3 years old and i can tell you every detail bout my parents. just talk to the kid its about her or you its all him let him decide what he wants, his life , his descion.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx