Will i always feel like this?

[pinkspangle]

I have recently met someone after being single for around 6 years (sad i know) and he is the first person i have liked and felt comfortable with for ages. Everything seems to be perfect,he is really nice, caring and understanding but there is still something holding me back. I miss my own time and space even though i haven't been seeing him all the time and i'm starting to resent him for changing my routine that i have been so used to for the past 6 years. I do have feelings for him but just don't know if i am ready for a relationship right now. I'm scared if i stop seeing him i'll be alone again for another 6 years! Help.

[xAsh]

I'm in a similar position and i'm a 19 year old male, it's tough not knowing if the other person likes you in that way really.

If i were you, i'd talk to him. Ask him if he has feelings for you? If he's understanding and caring then he'll respect and understand how you feel and how you dont really want to change your routine too much.

You dont have to change your routine much. Just dont resent him. You can either just let it go and carry on with your life or take a chance and speak to him about it. If he likes you (which im sure he does) then he won't run like a lot of guys. Decent people are usually understanding.

Do you think he likes you in that way? It's all about communication spangle. Talk to him if he's genuine like you say.

P.s It's not sad being alone for 6 years, i'm 19 and haven't really had a girlfriend.

[IzzieQ]

And xAsh, you're only 19...

One of my best friends has been single for this long, and she's the least 'sad' person I know.

If you are having these sort of doubts, it sounds like he may not be the one for you - it's not fair to stay with him simply because you feel it's 'sad' to be single.

[4getmenot]

In kinda same situation as you, was single 10 years, living on my own And I do things how I want when I want. I got with someone a month ago and its really strange, I sill have my nights out with mates but some things I need to get used to, like when he stays over, having to change my alarm clock to get him up, knowing what I can cook for him that he will like, and seen as he doesn�t like cheese that�s a hard one and finally the toilet seat!! Arghhh, but this is what happens whether you�ve been single or not, its just a case of needing time to get used to it, eventually you will and you wont ever want to go back to before.

[xAsh]

IzzieQ, that is actually a very good response.

Can i just extend that a bit please.

I know what Izzie is saying spangle, there's no point being with this fella because you dont want to be single anymore and you want a relationship. You've got to feel absolutely compatitable with him. Safe with him, trust him and feel like you cannot be apart from him.

I'm in the position you are. Im still young yes, but i think i like this girl because i dont want to be 'different' if thats the right term, i just want a genuine girlfriend. I like her, but deep down she's too loud for me.

Spangle, if he's the one and you really like him go for it. There's no point holding back and regretting it later.

You'll know if he's the one. But don't go with him because you dont want to be alone. Sometimes it's good to find out how the other person feels.

Do what you really want feel right doing and not what you perceive to be sad or whatever.

[pinkspangle]

Hi xAsh, i'm 27 so i guess i'm a little older but still its good to know someone else can understand how i feel.(please tell me more of your situation, maybe i can help!) I know he has feelings for me as he has been honest and he wants to see me all the time. I have also explained that i really need my own space which he seems to respect but he did say that i have to give and take and he'd like it if i could make small changes to my routine to include him, which i think is a fair enough point. When i said it was 'sad' being single i really didn't mean it in that way! I hope i haven't offended anyone! This time being on my own has tought me so much about myself, who i am, what i value and who i care for and i can honestly say its been the best time of my life. If i was so happy then how can i let someone else into my life and risk changing all that.
4get, i am glad to hear you have met someone, i know how hard it is after being single for so long. How have your mates taken to you being with someone else? Some of my closest friends have been a little quiet with me recently and i feel its because i have maybe seen this guy when they have been going out, but to be honest my friends mean more to me than anything so i'd never ditch them! Its just working different hours makes it difficult to see each other during the week. Can i ask how you felt about sleeping with someone again, even sharing a bed scares the hell out of me!

Thanks again for all your responses.x

[4getmenot]

My mates are really happy for me and that�s how close mates should be, I have a girly night once a week and also see my other mates once a week but we work round each other as she has recently got a bloke too. Most of my mates have blokes so we do couply things too, I go out Saturdays too up my local pub and he goes out with his mates. I never leave my mates out its basically first come first served, and I would never say no to either just to see if something better comes up. Yer there has been nights where I�ve wanted to stay in with my bloke and make up some excuse but doesn�t everyone. Yes your boyfriend is right when he says you do have to give and take as in if you�ve organised something with him its not fair if you change your mind, you wouldn�t like it if he did, but also tell him if he is serious about you he must realise that you�ve got the rest of your lives together. I told my bloke at the start I would never stop him going out with his mates and he couldn�t see me every day to start with and he said �well I could die tomorrow� and I said �well so could one of your friends� Yes you shouldn�t be this bloke if you have no feelings for him but I think you are just scared, you should go for it, life doesn�t totally have to change, and as for sharing the bed it was a bit scary, and everything else was too as I had seen someone in between that had treated me like sh!t so I wasn�t used to it, but I love it now, having a kiss in the morning when he goes to work is one of the nicest feelings in the world, makes me feel special. :-)

[xAsh]

You sound like a great person spangle. I'm sure the bloke absolutely adores you.

My situation?!? Well, we're both 19. I work part time with her once a week (friday) for 4 hours. We go out sometimes. Known each other for about 6 months. Got her mobile number and that. We've been to the cinema twice, and i went to darts with her thursday. I haven't kissed her, flirted with her or anything because i dont want to make the wrong move as shes had a bad past with boyfriends and a hard life. I think this puts her off me a bit thinking im not interested or anything.

She said she really values my friendship but shes had a bad time and just isnt ready for a relationship (is this a kind way of putting "i dont want you" or is she being genuine spangle. I dont know because we really have a lot of fun and she flirts with me when we go out. I wont give up! We're going to darts thursday again. Last week she touches me leg, does a bit of pretend pole dancing which makes me think she likes me like that. She's told me things and she doesnt trust many, she has told me she's a "virgin" and stuff like that. Cannot be right for just mates?!?
We got asked at darts whether were a couple but we hesistnely said no kinda...

I really like the girl but i fear because im not amazing looking or anything, and because i dont make a move or flirt with her this may put her off, when infact i genuinely care and like her so much that i dont want to make a wrong move!!

I get signals that she likes me and we cuddle when the nights over, pay each other compliments, and she blushes when we talk and laugh, im confused.


Also, i text her sometimes and she replies as do i when she texts, but how long do girls usually wait? I texted her yesterday evening and she hasn't texted back a day later. I dont have many girl friends so is this a normal amount of time or what?!?

*Confused*

[cruella]

pinkspangle
What you really have to ask yourself and answer it truthfully, how would you feel if he was no longer in your life. Would it make any difference to you. Would you really miss him, fel hurt if you saw him with someone else.
I can relate to your problem.
I was on my own for 25years, brough up my Son after a divorce. I am not saying the word "Happy" was in my vocabulary but I was content and enjoyed my work.
One day out of the blue I met this man, he asked me for a date and I said yes.
The day we were supposed to go out, I chnaged my mind about meeting up with him about 40 times, as I did not want my lifestyle to change. I too was nervous of sharing my time, my life, in fact everything with another man. My Son had married and I was on my own and I liked it that way.
Well, I did go out with him.
He is 8 years younger than me, I love him to pieces and the best husband a woman could have ever wished for. We married after a year.
I still have my life, he sometimes does what he wants to do, (fishing, going for a drink etc and likes his football) but we are so happy. We still give each other the space that we need. My job takes a lot of my time but he is very patient with it.
Go with your gut feelings and I suggest you give it a little more time before you make a decision.
I do hope it all works out for you one way or another. If he is meant for you, it will all fall into place.
Good Luck!

[WendyS]

Perhaps the mistake you are making is assuming that just because you have now met somebody who is loving and caring, you now have to be joined at the hip in terms of spending all your time together. You don't! Even close loving couples often need time apart and private space to indulge in their own hobbies, interests, or just to be alone for a while. I think you have to be honest with your new boyfriend about how you feel and tell him that having been on your own for 6 years, you have come to value your own private space. Perhaps he will understand. Perhaps he might even feel the same and be a little relieved that you've been honest enough to admit it. If you and he are right for each other you will be able to work this out and move your relationship on in a way that isn't threatening for either of you. Take time to get to know each other better and allow each other some space. I suspect that if you do this gradually, things will fall into place. Expecting you can develop a magical change of attitude in a few weeks after 6 years of being on your own isn't realistic. All the situations we have to adapt to take time and patience. There is no sudden overnight change for any of us. Just take things slowly and go with the flow.

[pitapan]

keep your routine.
the way you described him he probly wont care and will want you to have your own space.
and no 6 years is not sad.
it would be sad to not give the right person a chance.

[pinkspangle]

Hey there xAsh, sorry haven't been on here for the past few days, i have been off work poorly..boo hoo. Back on form today though! Anyway thank you for replying about your situation, you sound like like a really great guy too! No wonder you are confused though, seems you have been getting lots of mixed signals from this girl 'friend' of yours. It sounds to me from what you have said that this girl is obviously enjoying spending time with you or else she wouldn't keep on doing so, although she does sound like she is holding back due to things that have happened in the past. I really think you should hold on in there and just continue to be there for her as much as you have been. You say you have great fun together so enjoy it, try and not read too much into her actions and her lack of texts! Sometimes it takes me forever to reply to people, but i'm afraid i've been there and done that with the whole waiting a day or two to text back! I have learnt that you get nowhere by doing that! If you want to text her then go for it. Try not to put any pressure on her about her feelings as i think they will reveal themselves naturally. Be patient, enjoy each others company and if it happens then it was meant to be! Keep me posted won't you!
Anyway thanks also for the other replies, there is some really heartwarming stuff in there, really did me good to read that this morning.. cheered me up no end! Cruella your situation is so inspiring really gives me hope and confidence to believe in myself and my future. After having some poorly time off at home i have been able to do some thinking and have decided to keep on seeing this guy for the time being, i want to give it a chance and not let my selfishness get in the way of being happy. I am though going to stick to my routine which i feel safe with and see him when it suits me.. like you all said if he really cares he will stick around and be patient with me and i hope my feelings will grow for him.