a very loud mouthed individual who is a pain

[dyne]

I am a quient person, and try to get on with most people, i am full time at college. There is a girl in my group who is constantly putting me down, she has a very loud voice which travels and i have a quient one. If i ask a question, she'll shout dont you know that one Eve, or dont get stressed now eve. You worry about everything eve. i put a lot of work into my college work and my reports are all excellent. hers have said she is too mouthy and has to much of her own opinion. I am sick of her any advice in putting her down without me looking aggressive or a bitch. I have already taken her aside and asked if she has a problem with me and have i insulted her in some way as i do not like been shouted over the top of and shouted at, i told her she was annoying me. She denied it and said sorry and shrugged her shoulders but she is still continuing with this behaviour, I can not have an opinion in a debate as she screams and shouts over the top of my opinion. My tutor does not step in at any time i need advice on how to stop this girl, as i drove home in tears today after a debate in college. she makes me so angry, advice please

[skyep]

dyne - There is nothing more effective or satisfying than stating your point with calm & dignity, hard when confronted with this type of person I know, but at the end of the day, all this other person will be known for is being a mouth! Life is unfortunately a mix of nice & not so nice people, would you rather be you, or her? Don't let her spoil your day!

[dyne]

Thank you Skyep thats lovely its an half made me feel better. No one ever steps in i thought my tutor would have but no, I was so angry, i was the only one with an opinion on fox hunting hers ones the opposite, no else joined in the debate, so it was rubbish, and it just made me feel stupid. But Im going to take your advice i would rather be me and not a put a downer with a loud mouth and i am going to cheer up and not let her spoil the rest of my day.
Thank you for that answer cheers eve

[Scarlett]

I would go to your head of department. Your tutor is clearly not supporting you, so go above her head. Say that it is upsetting you, and making you not want to come to College anymore. With any luck, that'll put the wind up them (all Colleges are financially strapped and need their clients!) and they will haul this girl in and tell her to stop. It sounds to me like this girl is terribly jealous of you, and therefore leaps on any opportunity to make you look stupid, since she knows that you are clever and hard-working, unlike her! Feel sorry for her, her loudness is covering up her insecurities about her own short-comings.

[mrs_overall]

I think you've partially identified why she behaves like this. Your reports are excellent and her reports speak for themselves - it sounds like a classic case of someone with an inferiority complex coupled with jealousy. You approached her to deal with the problem and dealt with her brilliantly, even though your approach didn't work. You can't go on suffering like this - you must speak to your tutor and tell him how it's affecting you. Are there others in your class who she does this to or who have noticed how she treats you? If so, ask them to have a quiet word. I think she is to be pitied more than anything. Is there any chance you could befriend her..invite her for coffee somewhere? She may ease off if she thinks you are a friend and this may lessen her jealousy of you. Please don't try fighting agression with agression - you sound like too nice a person for this approach. Good luck and try not to let it get to you too much.

[havinmysay]

i agree with the above as long as your college work isnt struggling try and just put up with it (easier said than done i no) just think to yourself when u leave college u never have to see her again
and when you've got a decent job and loads of money,who's gonna be laughing then :-) x

[dyne]

Thank you Mrs overall, yes i think i might mention it but play it down, just mention i have a problem with it in the tutorial with my head of department. I wont shout back at her as i did today, your right, I am going to be calm and dignified. Its her with the problem not me. I am her friend well their are five us who all go around together she just seems to have changed since half term, i asked her if she was alright this morning as she looked as sick as chip, you have put it in perspective for me. sometimes i think i am going mad i was so uptight about it now i have had this chat i feel alot better thanks very much eve

[megan07]

This girl sounds like a horrible bully your tutor should not allow this behaviour if it was me i would just gently whisper in her ear what goes around comes around you see dyne i believe in karma and people who are nasty and cheeky and like to pick on innocent vuinerable people just for the hell of it i do believe they will get their comeuppance i do hope it stops love megan

[Vanilla Face]

Kill her.

[dyne]

you made me laugh eve

[stokeace]

dyne this excuse for a woman is nothing but a loudmouthed bully i know its a hard thing to do but please dont let her get the better of you or else you will end up quitting college and whatever dreams you might have i know you are probably not like this but just have a rush of blood see red and tell her to shut her big fat mouth,give her brain a chance and to grow up.good luck babe.............

[Tha-Flash]

You're probably not comfortable with this but if I was in that situation I would just use the same behaviours back on her but not be annoyed by it.

See how (or if) she reacts when you blow her off.

I think the only big problem you have (and we all have it to some degree) is CARING. You care too much what others think, thats probably why you speak quietly.

Play her at her own game but appear calm and cool. If you put her down jokingly and she gets all angry you can laugh and just be like "hey, im sorry your angry i was only joking".

Many will probably disagree with this ("dont stoop to her level etc") but its a USEFUL way of dealing with her.

Just be really positive and if she says something weird just pull a face like you just tasted the worst piece of cake ever.


This isn't the only way to deal with it but its a good way.

Just dont feel the need to prove yourself to her or react emotionally to what she says/does in any way. She probably enjoys this.

[Tha-Flash]

I read some of the comments above and it reminds me...

Its like where you're in high school and someone keeps annoying you, over and over. You tell the teacher, not much happens (sometimes it does). Only when you fight back (yes physically), they stop annoying you.

I'm not saying thats what you need to do in this situation. Its just a useful way of thinking about it. Telling authority is what your supposed to do but it doesn't always work so taking matters in to your own hands (in a clever way) is what you need.

[shineybomb]

Personally I would have punched her lights out by now but thats no help to you

Talk to your tutor, if she does nothing then go above her

[JOEYGREEN]

First thing I thought of when I read this was how jealous she seems to be of you. Don't rise to it - that is what she wants you to do. Obviously the 'taking her aside' thing didn't work so like a few others have said, I would either talk to the tutor about this or go above him. I hope you manage to sort this problem girl out!

[dyne]

Thanks to every one who answered, i'm taking your advice on board, cheers eve