Farting at night

[Gormless]

A sensitive subject, but I know I will get sensible replies.

Last night I stayed over with a friend of mine, nothing sexual as yet. She cooked a huge meal including 5 chopped leeks. We went to bed, me in the spare room, but I was kept awake by her noises. I crept to the loo and peeped into her bedroom. All I could see in the dim light were her twin globes poking out from the side of the duvet, occasionally parting to release a gigantic fart.

I am not a prude, but by morning the entire house was filled with a sweet cloying smell of leeks and garlic. She came down to breakfast in a see-through nightie but all I could think of was her bum peeping out of the duvet and ripping off.

It's a bit like the snoring problem. Should I say something ?

[welshfox]

I can imagine that she'd be incredibly embarrassed if you did, and I dont know how you'd approach the subject sensitively. We all 'exert gases' through the night, and most of them are beyond our control. If you did it, would you want the girl you wanted a relationship with to tell you? Think She'd be gutted if she knew you'd heard her, and even more gutted if she knew you were watching her through the night. I think its best for you to keep quiet about this one if you want any sort of relationship with this girl

[kwicky]

No just find yourself a new partner. Imagine what married to her would be like!

[Gormless]

Thank you, but I don't think these were accidental slippages. These were purposeful propelled farts. Normally when you sleep you turn over, shift your legs, and so on, and an occasional fart slips out. But if you have hung your bum out of the edge of the duvet I think it shows intent. Peas and sprouts don't do this.

[maggie01]

She was in her own room. Perhaps if you had been sharing, she would have been a bit more considerate.

[puck]

If it so happens you are in love with her you can overlook and laugh at such things. Maybe you do the same but are not aware of it.

[stewey]

You might need a gas meter. Get in touch with fruitsalad: the question beneath yours.

[Pippa68]

Go and find yourself a girl who doesn't fart.

Good luck!

[ReinaLuna]

I'm dying here... of so many LAUGHS!!! Is this for real? if it is, sorry, but it's impossible not to grin reading this post and the way gormless describes the whole thing... anyway, you are wrong in the first place because you were spying on her in her bedroom, so, looked what you wanted, saw what you didn't! Confess it, if you were feeling some gases inside, alone in your bedroom, wouldn't you do the same? I would, being on purpose or not, it doesn't matter!

Gosh, everytime I feel depressed I think I will come here and read this. Thanks for the fun!!!

[Gormless]

We've had a talk about this today. On the farting front there is an impasse. I've made the case that having the whole house filled with leek farts is disgusting, to which she pointed out that it is her house and she will fart any flavour she likes. Tonight she did a chicken vindaloo so I am not hopeful.

Do you remember Blackadder when he was going to be shot ? Well I feel exactly like that except that she won't aim above my head.

[ReinaLuna]

sooooo, PEOPLE WANT TO KNOW!
(at least I do lol)
how was the night after the cooked the chicken vindaloo? better or worse than the leeks?
if you want, I can give you some nice recipes that don't create many gases, and are easy to prepare, and you can suggest her to cook them for dinner next time... ;o)

[Gormless]

Thank you for your interest ReinaLuna. As it turned out, the vindaloo went tolerably well for her, but alas not for me. Separate rooms again, but around 4am I just had to 'go' if you know what I mean. The house was very quiet at 4am, but far from it at 4.01am. Thin walls and a hyperactive colon gave her exactly the ammunition she needed. I have now been labelled 'anally retentive' which seems an odd expression in the circumstances. I think we should have a chicken and leek phall and with a bit of give and take we could end up sharing a bed. I still find it curious how leeks can permeate an entire building, maybe it gets into the wallpaper.

[ReinaLuna]

Gormless!!!
Hahahahaha I've subscribed to this thread and each time I go online I feel anxious to see if there is something new to it! But this time you reached your apex, even my boyfriend is here in tears (of laugh) and saying he hasn't heard something so funny in days!!!
I can't really help further, if you don't want the recipes... I think deep inside you are enjoying this toxic gas war, so keep me updated!!!! ;o)
and, to have a grand finale: prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr for you!!!
PS:? I had chili con carne today for lunch and it was a hot one!!!

[Gormless]

ReinaLuna, again thank you for your interest. I am just an evening visitor on AB. All my life I have had a farting fixation, and it was a bit of a shock to meet a 5'2" 8st brunette who could match me for volume, intensity, and sheer dedication. Farting is an art. I STILL seriously cannot understand why leeks cause such a sweet sickly smell all over the house. Sprouts, sweetcorn, peas, beans - none of these is so bad that an hour with the bedroom window cannot cure. Tonight we are having Co-op tinned mince, Asda mushy peas and microwave mashed potato, with Baron blazing hot pepper sauce.

Stay happy :)

[ReinaLuna]

I will try and make a research about leeks to make you happier gormless... and hey, I've been very busy this week because I have a friend in hospital, that's why I haven't been here a lot, but didn't forget to come here and wish you HAPPY EASTER!!!
Write soon! :o)