is it cheating

[grumpii]

my wife has been getting intimate online with a guy behind my back she came out with it last week and said she wanted to meet him. She told me I could see other women if I wished as she didnt love me like that anymore. I have had many discussoins/ arguments during this week and last night seemed to be a turning point when we agreed that with a change of attitude we may get through it .I went to bed only to wake up in the middle of the night to hear them having a planned intimate phone call. I left home this morning but she has been crying and telling me its me that she wants but this isnt the first time this has happened and she always blames me i feel its only a matter of time before she is off again if Igo back my head is wrecked as I love her but have lost trust again

[Oh Bother]

listen too your heart, maybe your name has something to do with it? Do you think what she wants?? :-) good luck.

[grumpii]

thankyou for being so understanding about my user name but it doesnt really help my situation

[Oh Bother]

sorry......:-(

[grumpii]

thanks any way for taking time to answer me and Ihope I can help you in the future

[ummmm2]

This is a hard one. The Internet can be fantasyland and nothing more to some people. Others, well they take all too seriously.

You are married and you have a right to put your foot down about these things. Maybe you should just make it clear that this kind of behaviour is not acceptable in your relationship. If she carries on then she can sling her hook.

Some people need it spelling out.......we do not all have the same morals and understandings. Make it clear to her what you expect. If she won't play ball then call it a day.

You have the right to be happy as well....do not stay with someone who makes you sad....you will only live with regret.

Good luck xx

[grumpii]

you dont need to apologise to me any input to my plight is greatfully accepted sorry if I offended you

[joko]

err... i think oh bother makes a valid point!

are you grumpy? do others see you that way? does she?

perhaps you need to examine the reasons why she is feeling this way towards you.

all this is a symptom of a much deeper problem.

[jno]

without trust there's not much hope for a relationship. If you were female, this thread would be full of posts telling you to dump your boyfriend; I'm not sure why the reverse isn't true. Anyway, it seems you want an exclusive relationship and she doesn't. This isn't really something you can compromise on. You'd probably be better with someone who isn't so cyberfriendly. (And console yourself with the possibility that the guy she meets will turn out to be 70 and hunchbacked.)

[grumpii]

I am 71 and hunched back! thanks for the advice though

[tiggertan]

Hi Grumpii,
A friend of mine was doing the same thing a few years ago behind her boyfriends back. She claims she just liked male attention and the 'escape'. She reinvented herself and online chatting gave her a confidence boost.
She didn't phone anyone though.
Eventually though her, boyfriend found out. After a lot of debates, she realised how he saw this as cheating and stopped. At least she said she did, don't know for sure.
If your wife however is suggesting you see other people, that's a differeny thing altogether. Maybe she wants an open relationship or may want more attention.
Best wishes to you and I hope you sort this out and stay happy.
X.

[grumpii]

Thanks we are trying to sort it out and I am very mixed up but trying to be upbeat

[130-R]

Maybe you should have a long, hard look at yourself: do you treat your wife with respect? Do you 'have fun' and do 'fun things' together? Do you talk to her - about the important things? Familiarity can make us all a little lazy. Also ask yourself why your wife doesn't want you 'in that way' anymore? Has the romance gone from your relationship? Do you still 'make an effort' or is everything becoming 'habitual'? Treat her better and she won't feel the need to go searching somewhere else. If you try and address some of these issues and the relationship still doesn't work then at least you know you've tried your best - which is all anyone can realistically expect. Finally, as others have said here... Grumpii... are you anything like your username? You must be... as you chose it to represent yourself here on AB... think about how you can change that side of things too. Good luck.

[grumpii]

Grumpii is only a name but you have valid points about my behavoir / attitude towards my wife and I have been taking her for granted for a while now, thanks

[doydoy]

Sounds to me like she wants to have her cake and eat it!
Some times I feel neglected by my partner, and we dont always get on great, but I love and respect him and wouldn't want to inflict the pain on him that your partner is to you. You deserve much better than this. Sounds like shes had plenty of chances only to throw them back in your face. You only have one life, don't waste it on someone who doesnt appreciate you.Good luck.

[grumpii]

It looks as if we will go our seperate ways but on good terms, we are still fairly hopefull about a reconcilliation but it doesnt look likeley, I am starting to think about a life where I am in control of my own happiness. thanks x.