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teens dating
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hi,
its me again still having problems with my eldest (15 yaer old girl.... sorry young woman!!)
she is dating a real looser at the moment.. (she has been for the past 7 months) ...hes violent, he drinks, smokes pot, is excluded from school....and the list goes on .....
she thinks the sun shines out of his a**se and is completely under his thumb....
she dosnt see her firends much any more (unless he gives her permission) .
me and her dad have tried all ways to end this relationship but to no avail...even the police have been involed and have told her the same things that we have!! (i know this has probably pushed them closer together... but this is my first teenager so what can i say!!)
the trouble is i am sure she would meet new lads and forget him...but she never goes anywhere to meet them... are there any 15-18 year olds out there that can tell me what to do ? or is there anyone who knows the sort of places that i can try to drag her to ....so that she can see that there is more to life than wandering the streets with this waste of space?
please help before i go mad and she gets into somthing she cant get out of......x
its me again still having problems with my eldest (15 yaer old girl.... sorry young woman!!)
she is dating a real looser at the moment.. (she has been for the past 7 months) ...hes violent, he drinks, smokes pot, is excluded from school....and the list goes on .....
she thinks the sun shines out of his a**se and is completely under his thumb....
she dosnt see her firends much any more (unless he gives her permission) .
me and her dad have tried all ways to end this relationship but to no avail...even the police have been involed and have told her the same things that we have!! (i know this has probably pushed them closer together... but this is my first teenager so what can i say!!)
the trouble is i am sure she would meet new lads and forget him...but she never goes anywhere to meet them... are there any 15-18 year olds out there that can tell me what to do ? or is there anyone who knows the sort of places that i can try to drag her to ....so that she can see that there is more to life than wandering the streets with this waste of space?
please help before i go mad and she gets into somthing she cant get out of......x
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i dont think this boy is crying out for anything..... he even beats his own mother!! the las time my husband saw him he laughed in his face and thratend to beat his f*****g head in... then callled the police and said that it was my husband who threatend him!! how can we possibly be nice to this boy? all i want to do now is try to protect my daughter...but like i say he tells her what to do when to do it and how.
we have backed away alot...... and she is a real pleasure to be with as long as we dont mention him..... she wants to go to college in september but her studdies are going right down ... i realy want her to get in at college to meet new people and better her life.... but i am afraid that she will just throw away her chances.... i know i wory tooooo much but i'm a mum and thats my job!!
thaks for replying though somtimes its noce to just off load a bit.....x
we have backed away alot...... and she is a real pleasure to be with as long as we dont mention him..... she wants to go to college in september but her studdies are going right down ... i realy want her to get in at college to meet new people and better her life.... but i am afraid that she will just throw away her chances.... i know i wory tooooo much but i'm a mum and thats my job!!
thaks for replying though somtimes its noce to just off load a bit.....x
I sympathise with you! You said your daughter is 15...is she in her GCSE year? If so, my advice would be to back off from having a go about the waster and keep emphasising how important her studies are. Kids this age still need rules...try suggesting she can see the waster at weekends but weekday nights are for studying. Does she have a part time job? If not, can you gently nudge her towards getting one? This will encourage her independance and it means there is less time for her to spend with him. She WILL outgrow him - you just have to be there to pick up the pieces. As a parent, I'm a great believer in dangling the carrot. Have you offered her any reward for how well she does with her GCSE's? This might encourage her to study harder.
Take a step back, be patient, let her know you love her & will always be there for her...and then just bide your time. Good luck.
Take a step back, be patient, let her know you love her & will always be there for her...and then just bide your time. Good luck.
hi minibusman, sounds like my brother when he was in his teenage years thankfully he has changed dramaticaly.
i think the best thing you can do is be patient and not try too hard the harder you try with her the more she'll push you away, at this stage in life she probably thinks that she doesnt need to do everything you say and probably been a bit rebellient. As i was when i was this age!!
i think you've got to let her make her own mistakes and let her learn from them herself and i no that may be hard for you as a parent its something you'll have to deal with, how about suggesting going out somewhere together days out etc etc. chances are that your daughter will not be with this person too long and she will see sense as most young girls eventually do x
i think the best thing you can do is be patient and not try too hard the harder you try with her the more she'll push you away, at this stage in life she probably thinks that she doesnt need to do everything you say and probably been a bit rebellient. As i was when i was this age!!
i think you've got to let her make her own mistakes and let her learn from them herself and i no that may be hard for you as a parent its something you'll have to deal with, how about suggesting going out somewhere together days out etc etc. chances are that your daughter will not be with this person too long and she will see sense as most young girls eventually do x
try these rules:
10 RULES FOR DATING A SOLDIER�S DAUGHTER
Rule 1.
If you drive to my house and sound your horn you had better be delivering pizza or something, because you are not picking anything up.
Rule 2.
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off my daughter, I will remove them painfully
Rule3.
I know that nowadays, boys your age think it is fashionable to wear your trousers so loosely they appear to be falling off your hips. Please don�t take this as an insult, but you and your friends are morons, still I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your trousers 10 times too big for you, however, I will take s hammer and some 6 inch nails and fasten them to your waist.
Rule 4
I�m sure you�ve been told that in today�s world sex without utilizing a �barrier method� of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: When it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you
Rule 5
In order for us to get to know each other some people believe we should talk about sports, politics and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter back safely in my house, and the only word that I need from you upon this subject is �early�
10 RULES FOR DATING A SOLDIER�S DAUGHTER
Rule 1.
If you drive to my house and sound your horn you had better be delivering pizza or something, because you are not picking anything up.
Rule 2.
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off my daughter, I will remove them painfully
Rule3.
I know that nowadays, boys your age think it is fashionable to wear your trousers so loosely they appear to be falling off your hips. Please don�t take this as an insult, but you and your friends are morons, still I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your trousers 10 times too big for you, however, I will take s hammer and some 6 inch nails and fasten them to your waist.
Rule 4
I�m sure you�ve been told that in today�s world sex without utilizing a �barrier method� of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: When it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you
Rule 5
In order for us to get to know each other some people believe we should talk about sports, politics and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter back safely in my house, and the only word that I need from you upon this subject is �early�
cont:
Rule 6
I have no doubt you are popular with girls. This is fine by me as long as it is ok with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to do so until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry
Rule 7
If you want to make it on time to see the film, you should not be dating my daughter. She is putting on her make-up, a process that can take longer than painting the Sistine Chapel. Instead of just standing there, why don�t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule 8
The following places are NOT appropriate places for a date with my daughter:-
1. Places where there are sofas, beds or anything softer than a wooden stool.
2. Places where there are no parents, policemen or nuns within eyesight
3. Places where there is darkness
4. Places where there is dancing, holding hands or happiness.
5. Cinemas showing films with a strong romantic or sexual theme. (Films which feature chainsaws are ok).
Rule 9
Do not lie to me! On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. I have a jungle knife, a shovel, and I won an award for trench digging when I was in the Army
Rule 10
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for something like, say, the sound of your car stopping, to make me have a flashback to my Special Forces days. When this happens, the voices in my head usually tell me to sharpen my fighting knife as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull up to the house, you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car and drive off. The camouflaged face behind the window is mine
Rule 6
I have no doubt you are popular with girls. This is fine by me as long as it is ok with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to do so until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry
Rule 7
If you want to make it on time to see the film, you should not be dating my daughter. She is putting on her make-up, a process that can take longer than painting the Sistine Chapel. Instead of just standing there, why don�t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule 8
The following places are NOT appropriate places for a date with my daughter:-
1. Places where there are sofas, beds or anything softer than a wooden stool.
2. Places where there are no parents, policemen or nuns within eyesight
3. Places where there is darkness
4. Places where there is dancing, holding hands or happiness.
5. Cinemas showing films with a strong romantic or sexual theme. (Films which feature chainsaws are ok).
Rule 9
Do not lie to me! On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. I have a jungle knife, a shovel, and I won an award for trench digging when I was in the Army
Rule 10
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for something like, say, the sound of your car stopping, to make me have a flashback to my Special Forces days. When this happens, the voices in my head usually tell me to sharpen my fighting knife as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull up to the house, you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car and drive off. The camouflaged face behind the window is mine
I am not a father nor a teenager. Neither am I a violent man. So this answer may be entirely wrong.
Can't you or some male friends (or uncles etc) give the lad a damn good whacking.
If I had a daughter in that situation (still legally controlled at 15 dare I say) I imagine I would threaten to rip the face of such a deplorable boyfriend. Naturally I wouldn't, but I am certain I could put the fear of God up some teenage oik.
Further, and I do not wish to question your parenting skills but the girl is only 15. Surely what you say goes. If you want her to stay in, she stays in etc. Be harsh and forget all this nonsense about "human rights" of children and "false imprisonment" marlarkey.
Be strict. Be a little more forceful and stick to your guns. Surely a few months of Victorian parenting is better than having a knocked up drug-experimenting, failed college student daughter???
Can't you or some male friends (or uncles etc) give the lad a damn good whacking.
If I had a daughter in that situation (still legally controlled at 15 dare I say) I imagine I would threaten to rip the face of such a deplorable boyfriend. Naturally I wouldn't, but I am certain I could put the fear of God up some teenage oik.
Further, and I do not wish to question your parenting skills but the girl is only 15. Surely what you say goes. If you want her to stay in, she stays in etc. Be harsh and forget all this nonsense about "human rights" of children and "false imprisonment" marlarkey.
Be strict. Be a little more forceful and stick to your guns. Surely a few months of Victorian parenting is better than having a knocked up drug-experimenting, failed college student daughter???
1st jonlambert i think you must know my dad!!
2nd i would love to give him a good hiding but the family in question know every loophole in the law (having been in contact with them for soooo long and as i have said the police have already warned us off.....................!! do any of you nice peole know anyone who would like to play rounders with his head or maybe jonlambert would like him for target practice for the troops!!!... i think it is the only job he may be qualified for.
we have been very strict and that resulted in her running away ... luckily the police brought her back... as i have said at the moment we are letting her see him but with lots of conditions ....the problem is now when she is not with him she is not with her mates either and i would realy like to find somewhere to take her once or twice a week if she likes it or not im sure eventually she would find new interests......
thanks again for all your answers.......x
2nd i would love to give him a good hiding but the family in question know every loophole in the law (having been in contact with them for soooo long and as i have said the police have already warned us off.....................!! do any of you nice peole know anyone who would like to play rounders with his head or maybe jonlambert would like him for target practice for the troops!!!... i think it is the only job he may be qualified for.
we have been very strict and that resulted in her running away ... luckily the police brought her back... as i have said at the moment we are letting her see him but with lots of conditions ....the problem is now when she is not with him she is not with her mates either and i would realy like to find somewhere to take her once or twice a week if she likes it or not im sure eventually she would find new interests......
thanks again for all your answers.......x
Target practice? are you quite mad? each 5.56 Radway Greene round (bullets to you civvie types) costs 15p so dont throw your money away.
However, I have started an intense course in Chinese Kickboxing and am due to be graded for my orange belt this Sunday and could use some practice, just describe what this scrote looks like, where he lives etc and leave the rest to me.
However, I have started an intense course in Chinese Kickboxing and am due to be graded for my orange belt this Sunday and could use some practice, just describe what this scrote looks like, where he lives etc and leave the rest to me.
OH god this sounds so familiar....oh have I been there and done that! I haven't read all the comments,but if there is one thing i can say it is that if your daughter has been brought up to think for herself and with the right basic values-then she will be alright in the end. My daughter turned into a stranger at 15...it started when we moved 200 miles away from everythind she knew...boy she was p******d off with with everyone! She had an excellant GSCE year in spite of this.....and she then got herself arrested for shoplifting in DEBENHAMS......it was a downhill crash for the next year+. She moved in with a sleezebag 10 years older who she hid from us,never came home,landed in hospital from ecstacy,lied and was foul-mouthed,the police were called in countless times until she was 16, and she looked like a skeleton from doing speed so she could keep up with her schoolwork----i remember clearly the desperation I felt looking at a girl who seemed to be dying in front of me. Oh dear...i can feel tears just typing this. I stayed up countless sleepless nights while my idiot husband slept the sleep of the dead. And you know what??? she came out the other side a strong,beautiful young woman...she is 21,in her first year at University College London and i love her to bits. Your daughter will survive and she will be stronger for it. Good luck! xx
johnlambert,
i think i love you for keeping me smiling...my husband will get details of him to you shortly.....
and pasta... i am soooo sorry for what you went through and thanks for giving me hope... believe it or not (even though she dosnt have it with him) she realy has got a sensible head on her shoulders and wants to be a police woman (thats one way of seeing him eh!)
one police man asked her if she was in practice for under cover work!! she was not amused....
all i can do is set her rules and wait and see............x
i think i love you for keeping me smiling...my husband will get details of him to you shortly.....
and pasta... i am soooo sorry for what you went through and thanks for giving me hope... believe it or not (even though she dosnt have it with him) she realy has got a sensible head on her shoulders and wants to be a police woman (thats one way of seeing him eh!)
one police man asked her if she was in practice for under cover work!! she was not amused....
all i can do is set her rules and wait and see............x
I had some suggestions but the more I think about it the more I think back to how my tear away sister was and I know for a fact at that age no authorities want to get involved and you know why? Because between the age of about 17/18 yrs Adult services take over and so if the child services let you put up with it for another couple of years its one less expense and family they have to deal with...thats how it was with my sister.
Anyway back to the point Its a really dificult situation as much as everyone could say ban them from seeing each other or drag her here and get her to do this its not that simple is it? She thinks shes an adult even though shes not. I'm 21 but when I was 16 I started seeing a right looser nothing to the extent you're describing but he was a div and from the start all my parent said was it's your choice and if you think he's right for you then fine I'll be civilised towards him but thats where it stops. And you know what I soon got bored of being treated like crap and not being allowed to see my friends my parents weren't on my back about him or me they let me get on with it and learn by my mistakes and it's def helped me with furture relationship.
So if I could give you any advice take that line of approach just say I know we haven't seen eye to eye before but this is a new start we dont particualy approve but like you've said it's your life and if you think he's right for you then...actually I've just read another response ...get a f**king ASBO!!!
Good luck I know it makes your life crap and its hard but hey its what life has thrown at you and it will only make you stronger
x
Anyway back to the point Its a really dificult situation as much as everyone could say ban them from seeing each other or drag her here and get her to do this its not that simple is it? She thinks shes an adult even though shes not. I'm 21 but when I was 16 I started seeing a right looser nothing to the extent you're describing but he was a div and from the start all my parent said was it's your choice and if you think he's right for you then fine I'll be civilised towards him but thats where it stops. And you know what I soon got bored of being treated like crap and not being allowed to see my friends my parents weren't on my back about him or me they let me get on with it and learn by my mistakes and it's def helped me with furture relationship.
So if I could give you any advice take that line of approach just say I know we haven't seen eye to eye before but this is a new start we dont particualy approve but like you've said it's your life and if you think he's right for you then...actually I've just read another response ...get a f**king ASBO!!!
Good luck I know it makes your life crap and its hard but hey its what life has thrown at you and it will only make you stronger
x
thanks for that... its nice to hear from people who have actualy had this problem (albeit in different degrees) ....a part of me realy does believe that she will wise up. but as i have said,im a mum and its my job to worry and be over protective ( and i am damn good at that).... i just want to help her...... but after reading all the responses (apart from getting him killed) the only option i think ive got is to just step back and hope for the best (oh! and worry )....thanks again ......x
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