Just had a phone call - dilemma.....

[PinkFizz]

Well I have decided in my head what to do but am curious as to your opinions... As you know I don't live with my 7 yr old son's dad. I can't stand him to be honest - he is a liar, drinks waaay too much, smokes 60 a day , falsely claims benefits, I could go on an on. Anyway, to cut a long story short, he married and had a baby with a woman just over a year ago. She had mental health problems and combined with his depression it was a disaster. They split up every week and in the end for good. He decided not to see the child and hasnt heard from them from a year.Last wk out of the blue he gets a call to say the mother had cracked completely and the baby was in care. He has now decided to apply for full parental control and have the baby permanently. He has already had one court date and they are going to go through everything. The prob is that he called me and said my name came up as he has a child also with me and that they would be contacting me for me to give a report on what he is like as a father! Well he is awful! He has left my son alone in the garden while he went to shops, rang me to collect him when he couldnt cope , smoke around him so my son coughs badly , attempted suicide with a drink overdose and left me and my son to find him........ I pointed all this out but he says he has changed(yeh right) and he wants me to say only goods things as if I dont then they are goin to put the child up for adoption. He says he wants to be given a chance as otherwise he may never see his son again. Emotional blackmail or what! But I truly dont think he has or will change. What would you do? Give him a chance and 'omit' all the bad stuff to the court or be truthful and the baby will probably be adopted and he will never see it again??

[Joe_the_Lion]

To cut a long story short, whatever court one attends, be that Crown, Magistrates, small claims, appeal, European, coroners or in this case family court, one must always tell the truth.

This is surely the whjole basis of our democratic judiciary and legal system.

[redcrx]

be truthfull Pink. The authorities will make the final decision.

[mccfluff]

be truthful. the childs welfare is more important

[pussnboots]

Im afraid you are going to have to tell the truth and let the authorities make the decision. If you lie amd something bad happens to the child you may never forgive yourself. If you tell the truth will your ex be any danger to you? When the court contacts you will you be able to say that you cant comment. I think the social services should investigate him and leave you out of it, he is still the father of your child. Its a tough one this, good luck.

[B00]

How awful for you!

I'd also tell the truth, if he's as unhinged as you say then maybe the baby would be better off being adopted anyway? He didn't seem to care all that much for the baby in the year he stayed away from him/her did he? So why now?

[Octavius]

You should tell the truth as you knew it when he was a father to your child. Perhaps you could be convinced that he has matured since then and could potentially be a wonderful father, but you should really tell it how it was in truth, without any negative emotions from your feelings to him as a partner.

The fate and interests of the child is the key, not your ex. The question is, would the child be better off in care or with this man. Deep down I think you know the truth, and we don�t have that liberty.

It seems some responsibility will inevitably be passed to you in any event, would you feel differently whether the child was neglected after you recommended he be placed with the father, or if your ex hated you because the best path for the child was in care.

It always has to be about the child, and the decision will be for the courts, not you.

[cazzz1975]

you have to think of the childs welfare, be truthful, the child would properly be better off adopted

[Lovinit]

If something were to happen to you, would you want your son to be brought up by this man? ask yourself and decide off that. i know what i'd be telling the courts

[Octavius]

Can you not refuse to give any character reference at all and then let the authority make from that what they will? No doubt they will already have medical and psychological histories and will have formed a fair assumption of the likelihood of custody before input from a known associate?

[nat_84]

By the sounds of it - if you dont tell the truth this child's life could be at risk...

Theres only one right thing to do here.

[annie0000]

You have an obligation to tell the truth, what I would point out to the father though that this is his opportunity to show that he has changed - He would be better to be upfront and honest as well by saying that in the past he hasn't always been ideal father material, and then ask that he be given an opportunty to demonstrate that he is now responsible by obtaining access while the child stills stays in a safe environment. he could continue this by demonstarting to you that he is prepared to be a good father to your son as well. I am all for giving people a chance, but not at someone elses expense. If he really feels something for this wee one, he will buckle down and prove it.

You have to feel sorry for the wee mite though - it doesn't sound like he has had much of a life so far.

[annie0000]

Forgot to ask, what is it that you have decided to do?

[PinkFizz]

I knew I had made the right decision. : )

I had decided to tell the truth as this child's welfare is at stake and let the courts decide what to do based on everything they hear. Still know it is going to cause potential heartache tho. : (

[PinkFizz]

The child is just over a year old now and isn't going to remember him at all as he hasn't seen him since he was a couple of months old. I think a fresh start with a loving family adopting him is for the best, but who knows what the courts will decide.

[nat_84]

Well Done Fizzy - u have definitely done the right thing.xxx

[sleepyj]

you are doing the right thing coz if he did end up with the child and anything bad happend to the child you would never forgive your self take care

[dizydosydoll]

yeah you have def made the right decision, like the above post says you would never forgive yourself if anything bad happend in his care.

[Goodsoulette]

Pinkfizz, tell the truth. They wont put the child up for adoption immediately. They will make sure that he is trustworthy before he gets custody. It means if he does get to take his baby home, social services will be monitoring him closely.