4 year old refuses to sleep in bed

[Rycon's Mom]

My 4 year old son refuses to sleep in his bed. Just this past January, we moved my son (then 3) from his crib to a "big boy bed." He did fine for a while but now he won't sleep in his bed. Sometimes he falls asleep watching TV in this brother's bed or in our bed and then we move him into his bed but a couple hours later he is either crawling back into our bed or onto the couch. When we ask him why he won't sleep in his bed he just says he doesn't like it. If we tell him that we are going to give his bed to another little boy who needs a bed, he says "no, that's my bed" but he still won't sleep in it. Any suggestions??

[dot.hawkes]

my eldest was like this until my daughter was born and shared the room, you should try playing soft music whilsy he sleeps anmd making sure he is settled with a book or even story tape and falls asleepo listening and keeps warm and cosy

[lady_p_gold]

You need to put him in his bed and if he gets up put him back again without saying anything and with no fuss. He will get up again and again and again but you need to just keep on until eventually he gives up. Then he can have a reward or a chart if he stays in his own bed all night. It is tough going to do it but after a few nights he will know that this is non-negotiable.

[loza]

I definatley agree with lady_p. my cousin was the same and it went on for a long time, the system she has suggested of using really does work. my cousin was sleeping in his own bed by two weeks and they used little coloured bricks as a reward chart and the more coloured bricks he had at the end of the week/ month he would have a prize for.

[spanner7853]

my son was exactly the same. I bought a chart and filled it with gold stars for every night he slept in bed and didn't get up until it was morning then when the chart was filled up (3 months at a time) I got him a gift for being good.he was 5 at the time and the chart worked from the night I started the chart.

A friend of mine put a clock in her child's room and told her child not to get out of bed until the alarm went off.

[annie0000]

My 2 would never get out of bed unless we went in to the room for them - this was fine until you try to toilet train them. Athough they will now get out of bed in the morning, they will not get up during the night to go to the toilet! - All I am saying is that be careful that you don't set up other problems for yourself.

What about allowing his to choose his own duvet cover? Or even giving him a sleeping bag so that the bed doesn't seem so big. As he wont reach the bottom, you could fill the bottom part of the bed with some soft toys or stuff just to make it look smaller and more like his old crib.

[Le Chat]

I think the first step is to get your son to actually go asleep in his own room. This is an important step for sleep association. " Easier said than done!" I hear you cry. I had this same problem, so I made absolutely, completely sure that by bedtime he was totally and utterly knackered, without the will to get out of the bed once he'd settled in! This may mean that you have to keep him up later for a time but don't let him fall asleep in his brother's room. You will have to be vigilant and it will be hard work but if you conquer this stage, then the rest will be comparitively easy! If he does get up, despite being so tired, he must be returned to bed each time. No talking, no annoyed signals from you, just a calm taking back to bed. He may be like a jack-in-a-box but you must persevere. At first, we spent 2 hours doing this and then it got less and less.
One year on he is staying in bed, sleeping through (yee haa!) and not getting up ridiculously early! He is now 3 1/2. Good luck and don't buckle or cave in...think of the bigger picture!

[aims1202]

I think all children do this a bit when they get a bed, my son was 2 when we put him in a bed and he did it a little bit but what i did was to make his bed cosy and inviting with his favourite teddies and he could choose his own cover. Get into his bed yourself and say its so warm and cosy and you just love it!
When he gets up dont say anything just put him back in and then when he gets in say, well done you are so good for getting into bed! You will probably have to do this a lot of times.
Never say you'll give the bed away or things like that just say good things about it. Also try not to get cross about him getting up.
The other thing i did was to say i'll come back in if you stay in bed and try to go to sleep. Keep to your word and go back in after a minute or less at first before they get up, then gradually make this time longer. Hope it helps!

[aims1202]

I forgot to add that letting your son fall asleep somewhere else means that when he wakes up in his own bed he feels worried and insecure and so get s up. If he always goes to sleep in his own bed and he'' happy and secure in it he is less likely to get up. I think all children feel a bit insecure at times and will get up in the night for a cuddle occasionally if you dont mind this its ok. If my son does this i just give him a cuddle and put him back in his bed and he just goes back to sleep.