what rights do i have

[debs07]

Im a full time mum for my 2 yr old. when i found out i was pregnant id just spilt from the babys dad 2 weeks previous, i told him and he begged me to get rid. I had the child without their help. i bought everything for that child without any of there help. The father wasnt at the birth he had been granted leave but refused it as we wasnt talking. his family come creaping & i allowed them access. I got back with the father when my son was 5 months old however i spilt up in feb 07. I have taken care of my boy all by myself and paid for everything. I allowed them to see my son on tuesdays & all day sunday however they wont even get nappies for their house they take mine. Lately his father as become difficult he & his family introduce my son to a girl he'd been seein a week without my knowing & they lied. He lied saying he was to ill to see my son however he was with his girlfriend, he was still making out he loved me. My son was ill one night & wanted his daddy so i asked if he would come & he said he couldnt cos he hurt his leg so he cant drive so i phoned him to ask if is parents could drop him off & he was in the pub with his mate which was further from his house than mine, he had drove there. Hes consently lying, letting his son down. He does give me �30 a week but only does this cos csa will take more if i allow it. now hes threatening not to pay. Id had enough tonight when he told me he couldnt see his son all weekend cos hes working so when i phoned his parents they told me he had gone away with his tart and friends for weekend so hes lied and put his friends b4 his son. Ive had enough of his childish behaviour, lies and letting my son down. hes consently upsittin me to the point im servely depressed and always letting josh down, luckyly my sons to young 2 understand but when hes older he will be consently hurt by his dad and i wanna protect him. I just want him out of our lives how do i go about that?

[Psychick]

Is the father mentioned on the birth certificate or not and whos surname does your son have?

[lady_p_gold]

I am very sorry for your distress, however your last sentence does not ring true - that you want him out of your lives. Because your posting is full of bitterness and jealousy about this new woman, even if it is reading between the lines - you resent the fact that he is with her, or doing other things and not putting you and your son first, which is a perfectly understandable feeling, however it is not healthy for you, or your son. I think you need to move on from him, stop phoning his mum and dad and get your own life in order - and if you need to write him off as an uncaring bum who would rather be at the pub and drink the child support rather than give it to you, then so be it. Find someone better who can love you properly, and if you have to grit your teeth and let him have access every now and then just do it with dignity and calm and make a stable home for your son. You must accept that the relationship is over and move on. There are many people around that are hurt by their dad, you need to make sure that all the love around him by you and other family members gives him the stability he needs.

[debs07]

His fathers name is on birth certificate but the child is in my name. I can understand that and yeah i am upset about his new girlfriend exspecially when hes still telling me that shes a rebond and he still loves me, but everything he says is a lie and i am worried about him being involved in my sons life cos i know hes going to emotionally hurt him, hes a very selfish man and a compulsive liar. Ive give this lad millions of chances even after i found out about his new girlfriend but he always lets me and my son down and i know im no longer his main prority i can except that, but his son should be but hes too immature to see that. I guess im angry cos im the one who does everything for my son i would give him anything and all the love he needs. I do understand he needs a dad but im i grew up with out a father and while it did upset me i never blamed my mum cos i know she was protectin me from being emotionally hurt, thats all i wanna do 4 my son. Besides he sent a message saying he doesnt really care if i stop him seeing our son so i guess that says alot about him.

[wigglebum]

Get in touch with the CSA or whatever they call themselves these days and get money from this man. If he has stated that he may not pay you then you have every right to get it. I know it may hurt but just look after yourself and your son and forget about him. He's keeping you dangling by saying the new girlfriend is just a rebound and he still loves you. You say you know he's a liar but you still seem to listen to what he says.

He will never be out of your lives I'm afraid as he is the father but you have to be strong and focus on you two.

Carrying on with the great job your doing looking after your little boy and forget everyone else.

[xhxmxsx]

the csa take a v v long time to work out payments etc so i'd try and keep that arrangement private if he totally refuses to give you any money then definately go to csa though, if his name is on the birth certificate it doesnt mean he has parental responsibility but he can apply to the courts for it as he's on the birth certificate and you stop access, which unless he has been voilent towards your son he will get, my friends x got parental responsibilty even though he threw her down the stairs when pregnant!

give him the option of seeing your son and if he dont show it's his loss, just dont tell your son he is coming that way he wont get hurt

[debs07]

The courts are rubbish when it comes to certain matters. Im upset at the fact they allowed your friends access after what he did and i dont even know the guy so i can only imagin what your friends going through. My ex hasnt bothered me since i told him to leave him alone instead his parents are on my back on his behalf. Im so confussed right now on one hand i know my son needs a dad but on the other I know he needs a proper dad. Its fine for me to not tell my son but what happens when he gets older and my ex starts makin promises to him that he cant keep. My son is my life and i will do anything to protect him. Over the last week my sons had croup and my ex as not once been to see him. I think i just need a few weeks to clame down from all the pain hes caused us both, then maybe i can readdress the situastion. Thanks you all for all the advice