How do I get my 21 month boy to poo in the toilet!!!

[sambob]

I have a problem, my son is dry during the day and out of nappies but will not do a poo in the toilet. He holds it in for days until he can't hold it in any longer and then goes in his nappy when he has a sleep.

Can anyone give me any advice on how to get him to go in the toilet? I don't want to put him back in nappies as he wees on the toilet fine,

thanks in advance

[nutgoneflake]

I had EXACTLY this with my eldest and it drove me nuts. He was fine with the loo and still had nappies for bed. He would poo in the nappy the second I put it on him! The only advice I can give is to carry on the way you are without taking a backwards step. My Health Visitor told me that as long as he wasn't pooing his pants, or pooing somewhere inappropriate, it meant he had the control of his bowel. The physical side is the bit to worry about and your son obviously has the control. Mentally, it's a whole different thing. They have to CHOOSE to do it on the loo, and that is the bit that you can't help with. When they've made that decision, they don't go back! HV told me it was like a switch being turned to 'on' - they didn't want to turn it back to 'off' again. In the end, at nearly 3, my son decided to do it on the loo suddenly. Hand on heart, the problem disappeared overnight. 2 days later we were in Sainsbury's and he said he needed to poo. Normally that would have been a total disaster, but this time, I took him to the loo and he went quite easily, like he'd done it there 100's of times. It was at that exact moment, seeing him on a strange loo to poo, that I realised HV had been spot-on!!

Don't get cross with him, keep asking if he'd like to try the loo, make it easy for him to go the way he chooses to go for now, and one day he'll make a different choice. I REALLY feel for you - it drove me mad but all that was a waste of effort!! GOOD LUCK - don't let it get you down :o) xx

[Psychick]

Does your son stand up when he wees? I know its not quite the same, but my daughter suddenly developed a "fear" of sitting on the toilet! Which was great fun considering she needed to sit on it to do both! It turned out she was simply scared of falling down it and was fine when I bought a childs toilet seat to put on the exsisting one. Maybe it could be the same for your son? I found a little foot stool helped too.

Best of luck :)

[sambob]

No, he sits on the toilet and makes all the right motions for going, lots of straining etc, but clamps up when it begins to happen. He will push and strain for ages but funnily enough, when he goes in his nappy, not a strain is to be heard - I dont even think he tries.

Bloody kids!!

[Psychick]

Hmmm....what position is in when he goes in his nappy? Im assuming laying down if he often goes in the night?

[spudqueen]

My younger son was the same, except he would ask for a nappy to be put on so he could poo! I think in the end I bribed him to sit on a potty and he finally did one in there. He got soooooo much praise I think he was pleased with himself. We then had to take the potty everywhere until he was confident enough to sit on a toilet, but he got there! Whatever you do don't put him back in nappies, it is a step backwards and could confuse him. He's only very young yet to be dry and I know he will get there in the end.

[Solarjunkie]

Has he had any examples to follow? If he is actually in the bathroom while someone else goes,with no fuss or bother, that may show him that other people do it to. My own son took a lot of convincing that everyone did it, he had never seen it, so didn't really believe it.
Younger son saw older son using bathroom & there was never a problem with him, so I wish I'd arranged a demonstration for the older one too.
Get a small loo seat & a step to feel secure, keep smiling & making minimal fuss and it really will go away one day!

[chitchat]

Have you tried him with a potty? My daugther used to take the potty somewhere private when she first started using it. Sometimes I didnt even know she was using it! She didnt like anyone to know or watch her - bless her.

She would be so embarrassed to read this coz she is 14 now. hehe!

[Jadam]

My three year old was the same until i started putting him on the toilet and standing outside the door, i told him to call me when he was finished, which he did and he's been no bother since then. I think when we stopped making a fuss and just let him get on with it, he realised it was no big deal, or maybe he just liked his privacy.

[aims1202]

I may be a bit late in writing this and you've already solved this problem, but if not..
My son was about the same age as yours and he was fine with wees but did have a bit of a fear of doing a poo at first. What i did was to notice when he was going to do one and try to get the potty there ready to catch it! if it went in i would say 'well done you got poo in the potty what a lovley poo, next time you can do it all by yourself!' if he did it on the floor i would pick it up in a tissue and put it in the potty and say next time you'll get it in the potty yourself, also just said this if in his pants.
i also gave him lots of attention and was relaxed and positive. he very quickly got over his fear and just went in the toilet no problem.
i think the reason lots of children have this fear is because the feeling of doing a poo on potty or toilet is different from in a nappy when its squashed against your body and this big thing coming out of you is worrying at first! the fear can sometimes be made worse by parents who are trying their best but are not sure what to do. I do think that the younger the child is when potty training (18mths+) the better and easier it is. Fears get worse as they get older and they also become more emotional about it when older.
Like any problem you have with children its trial and error if something isnt working i always try another way.