family

[Ams6784]

ive got a problem i need some advice on this, my boyfriend has 2 kids to some1 else who we aint seen now for 2 years we stopped seeing them coz there mam is a nasty piece of work she accused a member of my boyfriends family of sexual abuse on 1 of his kids which was fuly investigated and we were told he was not guilty and nothing else happened but it was very hard on the family and epecailly his mam who was close to the kids she was suicidal! now 2 years later we have our own little boy who is almost 2 (he was 4 days old when the mother put the allergation in) and now his mam is saying that she wants to see the kids again but it was very hard for us as we went to the solicitors to see if we could have supervised visits and was told it would only be for a few month which was no good so my partner had a hard time getting over his kids but now his mam wants to see them and i dont want anything to do with the kids mam neither does my boyfriend as like i already said she is very nasty with her tongue and can cause a lot of damage and i dont want my little boy mixed up in that as i was in care as a child and dont want socail services anywhere near my child! but if i go to see his mam then his ex maybe there and i dont realy know what to do i dont want to stop his mam from seeing my little boy but i dont want my little boy knowing that he has 2 sisters as this will cause too many questions about why his dad doesnt see them and i dont want him knowing what happened with his grandad and stuff i want him to be a normal little boy and enjoy his child hood without knowing this stuff! what do i do??? and i also dont want anything to do with my partners kids or there mam so that way i cant be accused of anything?? it is a catch 22? have you been through something like this?? please help!!!!!

[888sally888]

What a nightmare. Do you have any close relatives where your partner could visit his kids. This would mean you wouldnt have yo get involved at all as it woldnt be at your house.

The only solution in my mind is to separate them from you.

[Ams6784]

hi there many thanks for yr advice but my partner has no interest in seeing his kids until they are older as he has been thruogh too much with them its his mam that wants too see them but i dont want anything to do with them or there mam but it means if i go to his mams then his ex wil be there with the kids and i dont want my son knowing about them as it will cause too many questions within my son! see my problem!!! arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!

[Psychick]

Can you not arrange to take your son to see your partners mum when she knows his ex will not be there? Even better, can his mum not come to see your son at your house?

[B00]

First of all, I find it beyond belief that your partner does not want to see his own children "until they're older". How can anyone do that? I know there's problems between him and their mother, but not to make any effort to contact them is unbelievable in my opinion.

Before you visted your partners mum, wouldn't it be a simple matter of phoning her and asking if the other children are there or going to be there?

[HannahRichie]

Hi, I've been through a lot of family problems too.
Had family problems similar to yours.
If I am perfectly honest, I'd say that your partner should see his 2 daughters.
because from their point of view, they need a Dad.
And as they grow up, they will wonder where their father is.
Even if it is for a couple of hours, once every month.
Maybe your partner should see them, just his daughters though, in a public place, like a park or something.
Just arrange a time and place, you stay at home with you little boy, and your partner doesn't have to have any contact with the girls' mother.

Your little boy doesn't need to know aobut them or see them untill maybe he's older and will understand things.

I just know what it's like having your father reject you, becuase of your mother.

if things don't work, leave it a while, and have a good think about things.

[tiny e.a]

Yes, I would advise that your partner sees his children, it's completely irresponsible to 'wait unti they're older', whatever their mother is like these two little girls are innocently caught up in it and yet it is them being punished by being fatherless. You would not have to be involved, like others have said, he can meet with them in publis and without you.

also agree that you could just phone your sons nan to see if the other woman is there.

[Ams6784]

hi there thanks al for yr answers but its alot more complicated than just thins the mother wont let us anywhere near the kids for a start! and we have seeked legal advice as to how we could see the kids but they only offered a contact centre for a few months! my partner couldnt even see his kids alone as they are only 2 and 4! and neither familys get on! plus the mother is always on drugs and getting involved with the police so thats not what we want in our sons life plus me and my prtner has been through too much as she uses the kids as weapons if you dont lend her money she wil stop contact and stuff its that bad plus if my partner is accused of anything then he will lose us as the law states if yr accused then you cant be left unattended with children! my partner is a great dad but had to have help for his temper it was that bad and it was really affecting our son he was crying al the time and shaking so dont think we are bad people there is only so much that people can take!! thanks for yr replys anyway!!!