Unusual acts

[kfitzhugh]

My child went to stay at a friends house the other night, when we went to pick her up she had a tatoo on her neck(temp) and had put red highlights in her brown her(perm.) The tatoo was not bad but that it was on her neck.We were very upset and also didn't kow how to punish her correctly. She is grounded, but we feel more is needed.Could you please help?

[secretspirit]

Maybe she didn't want the temp tattoo but felt she had to have one because everyone else was so perhaps a talk on standing up for herself is in order. My parents used to lecture me on what was considered common and how I didn't want to look cheap and tacky (although I didn't really understand until I was older). That used to put me off because I knew I'd get 'the talk' when they saw what I had done. I'm surprised you're not more bothered by the highlights than the tattoo seeing as they can't be washed out!

[Philtaz]

You mst remember that children are very impressionable and also like to mimic adults. Haven't you noticed the recent adornment on the nack of one Mr Beckham? Just in case you haven't he had a tattoo on the back of his neck some months backs and it is clearly visible when he is on TV playing football. To punish a child for what seems like harmless imitation of someone who is on every magazine cover in the Western world seems a little harsh. Children copy what they see, that's all.

[RevShirls]

I am glad you said that the tattoo was temporary. I never like to hear of kids doing anything permanent that they may regret when they are older. As for your daughter, you don't say how old she is? I am never so worried about a lot of fashions and fads. They are just a natural part of growing up. I went through a lot of weird fashions when I was a teenager. My parents punished me often for this and I think I still resent this as it was really just for fun. I even had pink streaks (temp) in my hair when I was a student. I'm now a minister :) If this is the worst your daughter is doing, then you don't have too much to worry about.

[Doolallygirl]

Wouldn't worry about the tatt too much, the hair I would! I started dyeing my hair when I was about 13 and haven't looked back since and I got my first permanent tattoo at 17. I only done it to pee my parents off but they actually liked it so I got another one and they liked that too! Don't come down too hard on her because kids tend to rebel with things like this. Tell her about how much it costs (and how painful) it is to remove a tattoo and how she will still have it as a grandma (horrible thought for me!!). The hair dyeing thing will probably just carry on and if she is a goth and wears a lot of black you may see her dyeing it purple, orange, green or blue soon! Thank your lucky stars it was just highlights! Maybe she is being pressured by her friends? Have a talk with her about why she done it, was it to get a reaction from you or was it peer pressure?

[PurplePixie]

All these replies are really good I think. It's only natural to experiment with different images & styles, my personal opinion is that you should not punish a child for experimenting. I think it's very strange that you would even consider punishing her for it, she hasn't hurt anyone, she hasn't broken any laws, been rude or offensive...she was simply trying out something that half the adverts on TV go on about, hair colour & makeup. If she doesn't make herself look ridiculous while she's growing up then how's she meant to learn?...don't be a meanie, don't ground her. Just talk to her & explain that it would be better if she checked out with you first before trying any dramatic changes to her hair or body.

[KellyC]

I don't think she needs to be punished. A talk with the other child's parents is in order, however. You don't mention the children's ages, but if the children are not old enough to be making decisions about hair color and temporary tatoos, then they were certainly lacking in supervision. With my teenage daughter, I have found that beating them to the punch works very well. Long ago, I asked her what SHE thought of those tatoos that could NEVER be removed and show through ALL your pretty clothing. Funny how SHE decided she'd never get one....

[Lindy Loo]

I agree with what's been posted here. Remembering my teenage years in the long and distant past, I was a rebel. Anything I was asked not to do I did and visa versa, especially if it was my parents doing the asking!!! I know its difficult these days as the teen years begin earlier than 13, you know, that 'I'm 11 going on 21' attitude but we were all there once!!! If your daughter is in her early teens then she's starting to develope her own adolescent identity. It is part of growing up and they all do it. Punishing her for this not going to solve the problem, its more likely to make it worse. If you think back to your own adolescant years I'm sure there are things you did that your parents disapproved of...or that you hoped you wouldn't get caught in the process of doing it!!

[xxlizziexx]

talk to her about it. ask her why she got the tatoo and the highlights done. maybe her friend had it done and she wanted to fit in. she might not want to be differnt or not wanted to stay up for herself. talk to her in a nice way no a parent to child talk a mother to kid talk. you never no what might come out. it worked with my mum when she did it for me.