Drug taking sister

[claire666666]

I wonder if anyone can give me some advice. My sister is 23 years old with two children aged 7 and 3. She has recently split up with the father of her youngest child and since then she has been staying out all night (she lives with my mom and dad and they have the kids when she goes out) sleeping with diffrerent men (our uncle and her 1st daughters grandad) drinking all the time and i've just found out she has been taking drugs too. Cocaine and speed. We have all tried talking to her but she won't listen to anything we say. From the age of 11 she didn't go to school and she has been under a pshychiatrist and had counselling but she refuses to listen to what they say. She is taking anti depressants shes been taking them for a few years. I don't understand why she is like this as we have both had a lovely up bringing with two parents who both worked hard for us. Any advice on what we can do as she has also contemplated suicide. We are so worried about her and my parents are at a loss as what to do as she shouts and swears and threatens violence towards them.

[patsyquinn]

I wonder about your family if your uncle has had sex with your sister - what have your parents said about that?
She only behaves the way she does because she can and her boundaries are virtually non-existent.
She is free to destroy herself at the age of 23 and should find another place to do that - she should be thrown out at once. Whilst she is housed and supported by your parents she has no need to change.
Of course, this is complicated by the care of her children - could your parents cope with looking after them? They seem to be doing that already and I'm sure social services would assist.
What about the fathers of the children? What if she has more children? You and your family can't solve all her problems.
I threw my son out when he was 18 as he was causing too much disruption. He went on to get married, have three children and be a wonderful father - he's now training to be a teacher. However, I'm not suggesting that it would work for everyone the same.
You can't allow one person to disrupt the lives of so many others.
She should be given an ultimatum that, if things don't change considerably within a given period of time (say a fortnight), then she must leave. Then the threat should be carried through. There's probably a lifetime history of her receiving sanctions that have never been enforced, leading to her not believing anything that's said now.
Is she a second child?

[claire666666]

Thankyou for your reply.My sister is the youngest child, i've spoken to my parents about throwing her out but they won't do it because of her kids. There is no way that my parents could cope with them full time as they both work and they are in there sixties. Her eldest childs father would have his daughter but the youngest ones father is just as bad as my sister is. My mum no longer speaks to her brother because of what happened but they were never close anyway. I can't stand the way that my sister disrespects everybody and the way that she walks around thinking that what she is doing is something to be proud of. I think that my parents are also worried that if they throw her out she will end up worse off than what she is now. I just wish that she would grow up and have some respect for herself.

[taperface]

I'm truly sorry to hear about your sister. Drugs are certainly not going to help her case, but she sounds lost and lonely. I don't doubt your parents gave you all a nice upbringing & worked hard for you, but there's more to parenting than that. BEING there, listening, showing (to receive) respect, talking, not being judgemental and commanding good manners and behaviour.These little things help children to expand into good adults, but maybe your poor sister has some form of illness, & it might be best if someone more responsible looked after her children. She had them very young. She needs help.

[Rallyman2]

my heart goes out to you and your family who have to carry the burden of someone (your sister) who doesnt seem to be able to cope with her life.
please try to put her children as your top priority - they need to be safe and protected.