Speaking of marraige does anyone think it's bad to elope?

[mountainboo]

We've been wanting to get married for a while now, even more so now that I'm pregnant and to keep the families happy we said we'd get married in 2 years and have a big do. It's really not what either of us want. We are going away to Scotland in November and have been thinking of getting married then, just the two of us. Should we do it? Should we tell family thats our plans or should we just do it and tell them afterwards? Let me know your thoughts. TIA

[Doc Spock]

Forgive the old fashioned view but as you with child what the hell does it matter.

[hau kola]

Do it.You could always have a party when you get home.I did,got married in Dallas then held a reception when we got back.Please yourselves not everybody else.

[mountainboo]

I realise what your saying doc, just thinking of the family that's all.
Thanks Hau kola, having a reception at a later date is a good idea. Wow, Dallas, I bet that was fantastic?

[hau kola]

Yes,Dallas itself was good.Problem was the marraige shouldnt have happened,i was young and foolish as they say.I knew it was doomed the minute i broke his nose on our wedding night.Oh well,you live n learn.

[mountainboo]

Lol. Thats one you can later tell the grandkids. We've been together 10 years so think the innings are good

[pinkkitty]

I too think that if you want to elope you should. I didn't get the wedding i really wanted due to family pressures, and once you're married there's no "do-over", short of getting a divorce and getting married again, that is!

If i could do it all again i would have gone for something much more low-key, and my husband agrees. you may only get one chance to have your dream wedding, you should be a bit selfish in this instance and do what you both want, not what your parents want.

[ruthiebabie]

Due to family problems we got married abroad in Cyprus - told everyone we were going to do it but that we wanted the marriage to be just us with the honeymoon included in the holiday.

We then had a party when we got back home. I never regret it being just the two of us (or two plus bump in your case)

[jno]

weddings are a rite of passage - not just for the couple but a way for the parents to celebrate, so to speak, that you are leaving home to get working on the next generation. If you're happy to cut yourself off silently from your own families in this way, go ahead, it's your right. But don't be surprised if they feel a bit miffed. Are you not close to them?

[mountainboo]

Thanks everyboby. We are very close Jno, my parents are extremley understanding but I'm sure deep down they'd love to see their only daughter walk down the aisle. My brother had a big wedding. My partners parents wouldn't be fussed at all, but we got a newphew and 2 neices that might

[vehelpfulguy]

Well there is a choice between the big wedding and elope.

Why not just book up a registry office for say 3 weeks away, and just tell everyone the date.

No time for masses of organization, no time for family rows about should aunt edith come becuase she does not like cousin billy, no time to make fancy dresses for the bridesmaids.

Most large weddings are far too complex and far too expensive.

Just tell everyone it is in 3 weeks time at "so and so" registry office and if they can make it they will.

[jno]

we didn't want a big wedding but knew our parents would be hurt if we didn't have one at all. We had one at the registry office then lunch at a nice restaurant (paid for by bride's parents in traditional style but costing very little) just for immediate family: parents and siblings. That left everyone happy that it had been celebrated properly but not extravagantly. Would something like that do?

[JB]

Just remember that its your day - whatever you decide! I went abroad to get married (just the two of us) and was really nervous about telling both sets of parents that they weren't invited!! Thankfully they understood, and we had a big party when we got home - it was brilliant. I've never regretted it, and we still get comments from our party guests that it was the best 'wedding' that they've eve been to - over ten years later!!

[TeeGee]

Why not get married in a Register Office, quietly with perhaps a few very close friends soonish, then later have a blessing in church so that parents can do the 'walk down the aisle' bit followed by an evening reception *** party?
After all it's you that's getting wed, not your parents.

[andrea81]

As long as you are comfortable with the family being upset! They will be!

Having said that, only the two of you are in the marriage so it should be your choice!

[TeeGee]

Why not get married in a Register Office, quietly with perhaps a few very close friends soonish, then later have a blessing in church so that parents can do the 'walk down the aisle' bit followed by an evening reception / party?
After all it's you that's getting wed, not your parents.

[mountainboo]

Some good points, thanks everyone. Will have a good think about it