I can't cope, please help me

[yellowduck]

I'm a 19 year old girl. I've had a very happy childhood with very loving parents. I've been very successful in many areas - academically, musically, with drama, sport, friends etc etc. While I was at school my only problems were that I didn't feel very pretty and I'd never had a boyfriend. Then I went to university, grew in confidence, improved my looks, got a boyfriend so I seemed to be doing well in all aspects of my life. Unfortunately I HATE uni, purely on an academic level. Great friends, great boyfriend but I'm not clever enough. I go to the best uni in the country (this isn't an attempt to show off, i completely resent it). As I result it's just too hard. I spend sooo much time working, much more than my fellow students and ended up with the same grade as them at the end of the year (just about scraped a 2.i while the rest got high 2.is having done half the amount of work). I'm not used to this at all. When I got my first exam back they told me they were very disappointed in me, not understanding that I'd done my best. I told them I was feeling very stressed (after having given me a huge long speech about how I should really be doing extra curricula acitivities and working much harder) and they advised I had a break during the holidays. I have real exams at the end of next year and I've been working the entire three month holiday in preparation but feel like I've got no where. I'm beginning to take it out on my boyfriend (who unfortunately does the same subject and is much better at it) who I really love. I've told my parents about it but they're getting sick of me being down in the dumps. I can barely force myself to get out of bed in the morning. I cry every single day when I've got a minute to myself. I hardly ever get dressed properly. I constantly have arguments with my parents, they can't say anything that doesn't irritate me. I've always been close to both of them but now it feels like there's a big distance between us.

[jane1098]

i can clearly see you are not happy. maybe uni is not for you. i think you need to rethink what you want in life. do you really need the degree you're working for. may be start with a list of all the pros of uni then all the cons then see what you come up with. i did college later on in life and found it easier.

[yellowduck]

My birthday�s coming up but I know I�ll try and do some work on it. Every time I think about uni I feel sick (in fact I have been sick a few times). Sometimes I can�t stop eating, sometimes I barely eat anything all day. I weighed 8 stone 4 pounds when I went to uni, I now weigh 7 stone 9 pounds and I�m 5ft7. I feel all quaky. I can�t sleep properly. At uni my heart feels like its always fluttering or beating really hard. I just don�t know what to do. No one can help me. I�m a failure and I�m not going to get a job. My parents� friends are visiting on Saturday both of whom went to Cambridge uni so will probably ask me how I�m enjoying it and I�m just going to have to lie. It just seems never ending and I feel so alone in it. My sister graduated this year with a first from the same uni doing the same subject. I just can�t cope anymore. x

[dee2912]

yellow duck i think you really have to sit down an talk to ur parents let them know how much pressure ur under and your struggling an unhappy an they will help you threw this,me myself im23 havent got a good education i left school before i done my gcses an i really really regret it if i had to do it again i would go to college,so athlough you are finding it difficult with exams and at home etc i would try not to rule out uni this is maybe not great advise but its from my side of things (no education that is) good luck hope all goes well for you an remember ul look back at this in years to come an ul be fine

[Curry King]

Maybe it's time to quit or take a year out.

[radiogaga]

if they ask, tell them. you dont like it. big deal. as the previous post said maybe uni's not for you. you wont be the first and last to admit to this.
just because people have a first in this or that certainly should not mean they are better people. your sister and you are entirely different people, find what you want to do, and do it. your parents should understand.

[Sasha13]

If you're depressed then you're not likely to be working effectively. This means you'll fall behind which will make you more depressed.

You say you've been working over the holidays but don't feel prepared for your exams. Have you set yourself revision targets so you can measure how well you're doing and see if you're on track to get all the work covered? If not, everything you're doing will seem pointless and that will make you feel worse.

I know what it's like - I did a really hard subject at uni and wasn't the best at it, unlike when I was at school when I was one of the brightest in my class - that feeling alone is enough to make you feel rubbish.

I guess my question is this - you've obviously done a lot of work in terms of quantity - what has the quality of the work that you been doing like? Could you be working more effectively?

[superbike]

Hi yellowduck

I left University because I hated it and I have never looked back. I did 2 years of a 4 year course and left after the second year. I was really worried about what my parents would say because I knew they really wanted me to go to Uni and get my degree but when I told them how unhappy I had been and that leaving Uni had made me happy they were fine about it. At the end of the day all they wanted was for me to be happy.

My sister is a whizz and got her degree, followed by a PGCE and is now going on to do a Masters. I have to say that I am doing just as well as her career-wise and I didn't go through the hell that was University to get there.

You are 19 years old, you are an adult. If you aren't happy then do something to change that.

Good luck.

[jane1098]

hi there yellow again. been reading all the other posts and they all are saying the same thing. have you ever thought about doing anything else than going to uni. isnt there any goals that you want to achieve apart from going and finishing uni. what kind of people do you want to work with.....think of all the stuff YOU WANT to do and then talk to your parents.
show them all the posts you've recieved.
then maybe it might be a start on the right track instead of being unhappy all the time. please stay possitive.

[andy-hughes]

Sound advice thus far - so little to add except -

it does sound as though the pressure you are under is starting to affect your health badly, and staying and struggling is only going to make things worse.

I feel that in the back of your mnd, you worry that you will see yourself, and others will see you as a failure because this career move doesn;t suit you.

You are NOT a failure - it is simply that this is not the correct career path for you, and there is no failure in realising that, and changing direction.

Have a chat with your tutor about counselling - the drop-out rate of students is over one thirs - they will have seen this situation many many times, and will be able to help you change direction and do something that is going to make you happy.

Education is a wonderful things, but it's not life or death - your health is.

Act now, break this chain of misery, and you will start to get control of your life again.

Good luck!

[jno]

this actually sounds like it may be a medical problem rather than an academic one; you are showing signs of depression - not just feeling down in the dumps but an illness. Have you seen a doctor about it? It may be that stepping back from your studies for a while would be a useful element in a cure, but there may also be more to it than that.