Unintentional falling out with a neighbour

[mrs_overall]

On Saturday I was minding my great -niece Ellie who's 4. We called to see a neighbour who has a son who is also 4 (I'll call him Joe). Joe is terminally ill and has very grey skin and blue lips, due to his heart failing. Ellie asked me Joe's surname, which is Smith. She misheard me and began singing "Joe's called Smurf that's why he's blue." Joe's mum got very upset and asked us to leave. I tried to explain the misunderstanding but she wouldn't listen. Yesterday in the street she shouted abuse at me. Last night I wrote a letter to her, explaining & apologising and put it through her letter box. This morning I had more abuse hurled at me.
How do I resolve this awful situation?

[4getmenot]

Leave them if they arent mature enough to know that a four year old doesnt know whats going on then they are not worth it.

[Neilzulu1]

I think you need to give each other a bit of space. Leave it alone for say about a week. Then try again, if she still hurls abuse at you then it is best left there.

[4getmenot]

It also seems they are using their sons illness as a way to cause arguments and get attention. They have more important things like their son they should be taking their time up with right now and it is not fair on him to take his friend away.

[confused79]

oh how horrible, its sad that someone can take to heart what 4 year olds say, as we all know they say things innocently, she has obviously thought you told her to say it, which im sure you didnt. She obviously is going through a bad time with her son being terminally ill and is taking things to heart it must be so hard for her.
I think you done the right thing writing her a letter and i would just keep calm and try to ignor her at the moment as im sure she will in time realise you didnt tell your great niece to say that. Just keep your distance, you cant do much else really just give her a bit of time.

I am however surprised she is hurling abuse at you but maybe the emotions of haivng a terminally ill child is taking its toll and anger emotions are coming out.

[redcrx]

id say perhaps write a letter explaining what youve said. As if an adult would teach a young child to say such things. If they really sat down and thought about it they would see it was a misunderstanding
If they then continue to hurl abuse at you then they really arent worth worrying about.

Their little boy should come first, the more they go on about it the more he will think he was being ridiculed and thats going to make things worse for him.

[mrs_overall]

I understand she is emotionally raw and probably not thinking straight - Joe is their only child. I just hate any bad feelings.
Thanks for your words. xx

[Neilzulu1]

No probs Mrs :-)

[Goodsoulette]

Can you get your great niece to draw him picture or something and post that, maybe with a box of sweets or a car or something for him.

I feel for you kids, say the most embarrassing and sometimes hurtful things without realising it. My son has dropped us in it, but fortunately with adults who have been a little understanding,. I doubt very much she is cross with you or your niece, its just an outlet for a small time when she feels locked into a desperate situation.

[4getmenot]

as long as she doesnt draw a picture of a smurf. lol

[Goodsoulette]

I was gonna mention no smurfs, 4get but i thought that would seem insensitive and now I feel doubly so for laughing.

[mrs_overall]

lol 4get.
What a nice idea goodsoulette - I'll go for that one. xx

[briar-rose]

It's sad that this lady couldnt've just smiled back and corrected Ellie gently, or let it pass, but I assume the woman's in emotional distress because of her son's condition. Where children are involved, people can become very sensitive.

[Hellyon]

Oh how awful for you - I think other posters are right she is taking out her frustrations on you and who can blame her being so angry with the world at the moment.
I think Good Soulettes suggestion is a good one a gift for Joe and some flowers for his Mum. I'd put in note to say you don't know what to say to put things right and you are truly sorry that your neices comments caused upset but you hope she has it in her heart to forgive you.
She may just want 'someone' to take out her anger on at the moment and you are the one.
If she hurls abuse at you again don't try and apologise further but just tell her you accept it but continue to be good neighbour, she won't stay angry with you for long if you continue with small kindnesses like homemade cake, sweeties etc.
Poor lady I can't begin to imagine how awful she must feel at losing her only son so young.
Big hug to you (X)

[Reverandfunk]

Ignore them

[andy-hughes]

I agree with the gist of the previous posts - a gap to allow everyone to put things in perspective - followed by a small gift and a note should do it. If your neighbour persist in being hostile, simply ignore her - you will have done everything poassible to put right an innocent mistake made by an innocent child.

I think you are a valuable neighbour to be so sensitivve and caring, and maybe your neighbour will think about that when things a re a little calmer. Let's face it - she could have had a neighbour with an attitude like her own - how upsetting would that be?

[flump1]

Hi mrs o, might it be that any child, singing anything may have provoked this kind of behavoiur? If Joe was poorly it may not have been appropriate for any singing and may have caused stress. Just a thought ! There may also be an underlying feeling of jealousy, whereby your little charge is healthy and can sing, while her Joe can not. It is a shame ,when it sounds like she could do with your support, don't give up on her. Good Luck x

[Captain Swab]

throw eggs at her next time