Running wild in a restaurant

[littlerose]

My 2 daughters ages 2 and a half and 3 and a half were at a restaurant with other children. The were running around and got so out of hand they stood up on tables. Not only was it dangerous they were annoying the patrons including me! I gabbed my daughter off the table,looked into her eyes and squeezed her arm telling her to quit acting like a monkey. Well now I feel awful becaseu I made a bruise the size of my finger tip on her forarm. I squeezed to hard. I don't want to spank, i don't yell but i still end up hurting her. I don't know what to do especially in public. at home I'd send her to bed. Please help.

[zgma]

Don't feel bad, littlerose... things happen even to the best-intentioned. When my 2-year-old gets wild at a restaurant, either my husband or I take him for a walk outside. If he's still wild after the walk, we switch off and the other parent takes him for a walk, so we both get to eat. He's starting to be able to understand "calm down" and "quiet voice" (but can't be expected to remember after a minute or two), so I think you could explain to your slightly older girls about restaurant etiquette... but it would be unrealistic to expect them to always behave well in an exciting situation when they have lots of energy.

[Hgrove]

Please don't feel guilty. Let me tell you what happened to me once. My own daughter and another two children (my friend's children) ran round the restaurant. The first child ran past a woman. Then my daughter ran past her. The woman grabbed my daughter hard and gave her a violent push away from her. I tried to tell them in a civilised manner that they should not have manhandled my daughter but they became abusive. The situation became very noisy and messy because my friend started a loud row with the woman. (I, somehow, managed to keep my cool). Morale of the story: better that she is disciplined by you now than that some ghastly stranger assaults her like that.

[andy hughes]

Children love to use meal times, bath times, and bed times to assert themsevles, and they soon learn that bad behaviour in public can last a lot longer than it does at home. You need first of all to ensure that your children know how to sit at the table and eat properly at home. Meal times are when they will try getting up from the table, leaving food and so on. You need to be firm and ensure that punishments occur if they are naughty - the simplest is simply to take their food away. I know it sounds cruel, but no child wil starve by missing one meal, and if you stick to your guns, you'll only have to do it a couple of times. Then, transfer the same rules to eating out, with a quiet but firm reminder on the way in about the rules of table manners. Any nonsense, and one of you takes them out, and they don't eat - again it will only take a couple of times for them to get the message. You just be firm, and united, or they will play you off against each other. Be firm, stand your ground, and make sure your rules stick, or they will learn that bad behaviour is a good game, and it's all downhill from there. A few tears now, and a missed meal or two, wil pay dividends later on. Your childrens' manners will be used to judge them as individuals when you are out - wrong, but a fact. Make sure they know how to behave properly, and you will be setting on the road to being responsible adults. Be firm!

[DixieCRL]

We all get angry and frustrated and do things we regret, the important thing is that you are asking for help. The main problem with physical punishment is that it is usually our way of dealing with being angry, frustrated or embarrassed rather than disciplining the child. Find out what your children really like and take it away when they act up. The next time you go out, if they act better, they can earn it back. You just have to be consistent and not give in or go back on your word. I would try it at home first, like someone already said. When they sit at the table and behave, they won't lose a privilege or get to watch TV or something for 10 min longer. You have to find out what they WANT.

[georgit79]

It's crazy that you can make yourself feel guilty about reprimanding your own daughter, because you feel that you acted 'out-of-order' in a public place. I remember the days when a mother could smack her child in the middle of the supermarket and no-one would bat an eyelid. Nowadays, that same woman could get reported to the police for child abuse...society gone mad. Don't feel guilty. Your child needs to have boundaries set and needs to learn how to behave in different social situations. Sometimes, you have to be strict. A bit of force is sometimes the only way. I'm not saying that you should hit your children, not under any circumstances (though it never did me any harm)- I'm saying, that your kids have to know who's boss. Next time, deny them dessert or only allow them to drink water. They'll soon behave.

[Joe's Mum]

You did exactly the right thing, as for being worried about bruising your child just tell yourself she could have been injured worse if she had fallen off the table. My husband did exactly the same thing when he grabbed my son when he nearly ran out onto the road ( in excitement as his nana was on the other side) do not feel guilty if you did the children would be in control and we would not have a leg to stand on.

[aikidokaress]

You need to instill some other punishment that you can threaten with. My daughter has been brought up with the "naughty stair" principal and "time out" she is just over 2, but when we are out and she plays up I try to explain why it is naughty to do something and ask if she understands, she will normally say yes or no. I will then tell her that I will put her on the naughty stair if she carries on (you can find a substitue naughty stair anywhere!!) but the threat usually works. Distraction is another good one - find something to distract them from their current run of terror... they will soon forget what they were doing. Hope it helps

[nrmatth]

i agree about the bruise as a learning experience for you and not a problem with her. and unfortunatly, part of the problem was not just you but the other children who were not told to sit down too. maybe you shouldn't go to public places that are not kid friendly when your with another parent who won't control their children too. otherwise she'd probably would have listened had the other kids not been allowed to horse around too. save the nice restaraunts to enjoy with parents who are as responsible with their children as you are. that way you could actually enjoy your meal and the people around you could too. if she acted up then i'd say a quick time out in the car would fix it quick. a couple times being taken out there and just threatening it will probably do the trick soon enough.