mams affair

[buzybee]

3 years ago my aunts told me that my mam was seeing a married man (my mams single and lives with my granmother) she denied it to the last saying it was lies and the family hasnt been the same since with my granmother thinking my two aunts are liers and my mam the innocent one in it all and they have given her a bad name.

a few weeks ago my little daughter pulled a photograph out of my mam handbag of a topless man, i took a photo of it with my mobile to see if anybody recognised him. yesterday i showed it to my cousin and she identified him as the married man she had been accused of seeing three years ago. i confronted my mam about it last night and its TRUE.

she confessed everything 3 years they have been together, meeting in his car while his wife was out at bingo or other places. shes madly in love with him,but shes doesnt think he will leave his wife after 32 years & especially cause he has a handicapped son who needs to be looked after. my mam even went to there 30th wedding anniversary! and his sons wedding last july!
i dont know what to do or say to her. his daughters and sons not to mention his wife will kill her if they find out! and my granmother still thinks badly of my aunts who were only trying to help in the first place.

[Ethel]

It really is nothing to do with you and none of your business. Or your grandmother's or your aunts.

Your mother is a grown woman who needs to make her own decisions and live life as she sees fit.

If you feel you must, you can ask your mother to be honest about it with the rest of the family, but it really is up to her.

[andy-hughes]

I'd entirely agree - this is really not your business.

Your mother is entitled to a private life, and she does not need the approval of her family to act as she sees fit - what ever the moral or personal consequences may be.

Why not treat your mum like the adult she is, and tell the family to do the same?

[4GS]

~Ditto what ethel + Andy said

[~Wingnut~]

I agree with Ethel :o)
It really isn't anyone's business but your Mum's. I can understand your concerns but letting others know the truth about what really has been going on isn't going to do any good only harm.
Talk to your Mum, telling her exactly how you feel about the lies and what it has done to the family but you can't force her to tell the truth as it could open up another can of worms.
Maybe try to get her to heal the rift without actually having to admit to the affair.
Sorry to not be much more help than Ethels advice but it really is all up to your Mum as it is her business.

[~Wingnut~]

Oh! Andy's and 4GS's replies weren't there whilst I was typing away and correcting my grammer ... so I agree with them also :o)

[O'Reilly]

It's no business of yours and your mam's life and how she lives it is nothing to do with you either. It's nothing to do with your Grandmother or Aunts at all- what a sorry lot you all seem to be - far too busy minding everyone else's business. Good for your Mam who probably had a brief moment of happiness. With a family like hers she truly needs it.

[VillageVicar]

I understand how you can be in pain over this realisation. I�m sure it�s very painful for you, especially having to hear your mother acknowledge the deception. Others in this thread have offered some rather sound comments. Whilst some have written that it�s �none of your business,� I understand how it can create turmoil for you and possibly for other members of the family. First, please delete the photo. It isn�t necessary and it only adds to your own discomfort. Secondly, it�s a matter for your mother to address. Whilst love has so many complex fingers, there is the reality that he dalliances with this man could actually cause a horrific crisis for the boy with disabilities, should they ever be found out. Sadly, this would cause suffering for many more. If your mother�s choice is to continue, with the knowledge that �their� relationship (remember, it takes two for the relationship) could cause suffering for many people, then it�s your mother�s choice of action and she will be the only one who is accountable for her actions. Finally, I would offer that should you persist in berating your mother over the relationship, it could cause irreparable damage to you and the rest of your family. I do wish you well. Fr Bill

[nutgoneflake]

Although I agree to some extent with the other answers, I think your mum needs to maybe build a few bridges between her sisters and their mum. If there's been a breakdown in their relationship as a result of your mum telling a few porkies then I think she should be putting it right, even though her business really is none of theirs.

If, heaven forbid, your grandmother died still thinking badly about two of her daughters then your mum would never forgive herself. She could make amends whilst still keeping her private life private.

Don't torment yourself, she sounds sensible and I'm sure she was shielding you - it's just a pity there's a family rift as a result of her actions. Also, I have to ask, how did your aunts think it was helpful telling you about it back then?

Good luck - family dramas are so tricky to deal with!

[buzybee]

thank you for your comments. we've all known she has been seeing 'somebody' for the past three years me being the only one quite happy for her. I do know that she is happy with this man but undoubtedly have concerns for her.

but like nutgoneflake said its the breakdown of the relationship between my gran and my aunts that worries me most! ive said it to my mam when we spoke again yesterday and she herself wishes she could be able to build the bridges with her sisters for herself and her mam.