I have a soul-destroying problem

[puissance]

Ok I was with this girl for 3 years (my first major relationship) and I very much loved her. We even lived together for this last year at university. But this holiday she unexpectedly told me she did not want to be with me anymore. Obviously I was crushed.

But anyway we decided to remain friends and so it went on. We didn't see that much of each other. Although recently we have been back at university, and she lives in the flat above me, and the first day back, she told me that for two months before we broke up, she was seeing someone else.

The pain was / is still unbearable. It was the way she said it that made it doubly bad - she said it as if i was in the wrong, that I should have seen it coming - I had no idea things were even bad between us. She never told me how she felt.
Moreover everyone (my friends, family, even HER friends) told me that she was bad news - i took no notice. But they were right.

Now every time I see her (which is literally every day) my day is ruined by endless spells of depression, my every waking moment consumed by what she did to me. I cannot leave university obviously. But i just don't know what to do.

Please help

[hau kola]

Youve got to move on.Simple.Sounds harsh i know,but you are young and you know the old saying,plenty more fish in the sea.The pain will ease in time,get out with your friends and live a little.You will meet somebody else eventually and wonder why you were so worried.Trust me,ive been there.

[Ice-Maiden]

And so say all of us. Hau kola's right. These things hurt like hell at first, but you have to move on. The sooner you find someone else, the better.

[lizzydrippin]

You havent really got a lot of choice have you puissance about what to do, is the problem that she finished with you or is it more to do with her cheating on you beforehand? I mean what would happen if she changed her mind tomorrow and contacted you saying "It was all a mistake,lets get back together". You may well be initially over the moon but I gaurantee that within no time at all the thoughts of her cheating and betraying you like she has will come creeping into your mind and you'll never really feel like you can fully trust her again. The relationship just won't be the same and it will be one big heartache. Go through your heartbreak now and then move on and make a new start. You'll meet someone who will really love you and who wouldn't want to ever hurt you and you'll look back at this time and think "Phew, I had a lucky escape"

[curiosity]

Lizzy is so right, GOD there are better people out there for you! Stay cool you're the man who is going to sweep someone off their feet, and she will definately be the one who gives you (and your kids) a lifetime of happiness, your family will love her, her family will love you, it happens, because it's nature, we meet someone who we are going to live happy ever after with, probably in Tesco or somewhere. Move on, have fun (in front of her) and look back on this in a year and laugh. Good Luck.

[tiggerblue10]

I agree. I've been through similar situations. I met a guy at work and we began seeing each other. Then after a few months I realised that he was sleeping with other women we both worked with and he had a girlfriend on the outside. I was gutted and I felt sick every time I saw him. Eventually I met someone else who I worked with and we started seeing each other. The other guy kept pestering me and asking me what was going on. He was obviously jealous that I had met someone else but it served him right for messing me about. He wouldn't leave me alone after that. As far as I was concerned it was his loss. A similar thing happened to me a few years before that as well so I know exactly how you feel.

Start making friends with other girls and you'll soon get over her. Don't let her see that you are depressed. Shes not worth it.

[Suzieb]

Although it doesn't seem like it now - it won't hurt forever. Just keep telling yourself that and look forward to the day when you can see her and smile and feel nothing.

Until then, throw yourself into work, study, friends, anything to keep you busy and keep your mind off her.

She's done a horrible thing to you and knowing that you're moping about her is probably making her feel even more in control, don't give her the satisfaction.

[blu3wave]

I think you need to see a GP about your depression... as for the girl, you'll get over her in time. Its hard and will take time, but that life. Good luck

[shady_jady]

Please do not leave University. This may seem like the biggest thing in your life right now, but you can't let it affect your entire future.
Aren't you really angry with this girl? I would feel sick to my stomach every time I saw her if I were you. I know you spent a long time together, but maybe you never really knew her.
If I were you, I would keep my head down, concentrate on my studies for a while and then gradually get back out there with my friends when you start to feel better. Don't let anyone pressure you into a big night out before you're ready.
And everytime you begin to think of this girl, remind yourself of what she has done to you and get ANGRY! I can guarentee you deserve better than that.

Good luck!