Cry it out??

[Yinzer]

So our son just turned 10 months and he still wakes several times in the night crying until I cuddle him back to sleep. I started a bedtime routine of a warm bath, a warm bottle, then a little cuddling and asleep he goes. We have ruled out hunger since he eats plenty through the day, and ruled out teething since he quickly falls right back asleep. But now it starts wearing into my husband's and my relationship and the only way we can think of to fix this is to just let him cry himself to sleep. Should I come and check on him every so often? Should I stay nearby or in another room? How long will it take for him to start staying asleep? How do we deal with his crankiness and bitterness for the first few days following? How will this affect his daytime sleep schedule? Will he still be the same happy baby? Will he grow up to be a serial killer? Please help!!!!

[MrsCheeks]

Hugs to you first off, it must be driving you to distraction all this broken sleep. Ok I think you should try just letting him cry and see if he will go back to sleep on his own. A lot of times our 3 children have cried at night BUT it has been in their sleep - having a dream. It could be that this is what is happening with your little one, and although it is waking him he is still half asleep and will just drop off again. It could also be worthwhile getting one of those sound activated teddies that play a lullaby for about 30seconds so that when he cries and wakes up the teddie will let him know he is not alone and soothe him. He will still grow up to be a happy little chappy, his daytime routine might be a little disrupted but usually not for long and crankiness is just the start of him developing "Kevin/Perry Syndrome" which hits us really hard when they are teenagers rofl. I think you sound like a wonderful Mum, all the best to you. xxx

[Hgrove]

When my daughter was about the same age and the lack of sleep was driving me close to suicidal, when she started screaming in the night, I disciplined myself to go to the loo, and drink a glass of water, before going to her room to cuddle her back to sleep etc. I was surprised to find that, by the time I had done the above, she had gone back to sleep by herself.

[andy hughes]

Does he have a dummy? I know 'modern' parenting is against them, but who are we to argue if it comforts him and sends him back to sleep. Our youngest was instantly pascified when waking at night with the insertion of her dummy. She kept a collection until the Christmas Eve before she was three, when they 'went to Santa to give to the new babies@ and she was perfectly happy to sleep without them from that day on. never mind what 'experts' say - give it a try.

[stressed out]

I'm so glad..( not about your baby but because i am in the exact same situation)! I too have a 10month old little boy who does the same..The only difference is that he's still breastfeeding!! Tried to get him off it at 6 months but it's impossible, he screams if i don't put him to the breast and it's driving me crazy!!At night is the worst, wakes me up through the night crying until i quickly breastfeed him! I have sought help from various sources, friends,doctors and my clinic, but the 'experts' suggest to lay him in his cot and allow him to fall asleep by himself and to go and check on him every 15 mins or so and just let him cry it out! I wish they could spend a week with him and see if they can stick to this routine! I love the way people can give you advice till the cows come home but theyre not the ones who have to go through the sleepless nights and stress! I totally can relate to you, i don't know what to do either, my partner usually end up getting fed up and sleeping on the sofa! Leaving me to 'deal' with it! I too need some 'good' advice that works, i think i have a miserable baby!!! Big hug to you x

[andy hughes]

Hi stressed out - I personally would never advocate letting a baby 'cry it out' as they say - anymore than I would allow a baby to 'exercise his lungs' as they like to say. Babies are not stupid - they cry to tell you something, and if all obvious avenues are checked - feeding / changing / hot / cold and so on, he may simply be feeling a bit lonely and in need of some company. I would always attend to a baby after a few minutes, I know it is very hard, but it doesn't last for ever. Try the dummy I advised earlier - stuff what the 'experts' say!

[zgma]

Hi Yinzer, I feel for you... that's been the case with our son off and on too. At that age, we used to just bring him into bed with us when he woke up at night. Not ideal, as then our sleep would be restless, but better than having to get up 2-3 times in the night. A few times we tried the cry-it-out method and hated it... it never got easy. I agree with Andy that it's not really a great idea... I always felt that not responding to my son's cries would be damaging in that he would unlearn that he could communicate his needs. Better than that was to go in and put our hand on his back, and either sing softly, or just gently rub his back. I've heard some people suggest doing that, but then slowly getting further and further back, so the baby knows you are there and is comforted, but you can get to the point of being outside the room and being able to comfort your baby by just letting him know you're there. We never tried that; never had the patience for it. What we do now when he wakes up is my husband brings in a pillow and blanket and sleeps on the floor of his room. I'm sure this will change as soon as he's out of a crib and in a toddler bed. Anyway, whatever you do, your son is still going to be a happy baby, and he won't grow up to be a serial killer. You're a loving, conscious mother, and that's more important than any of these parenting theories. You can't be a perfect parent - there's no such thing. You can just try your best, and if something isn't working, you learn from it and change. If you try any method and it doesn't feel right, you'll change your tack, because you're paying attention to your baby's response.

[Yinzer]

Thanks for all the love folks. I'll try some of these things but I still don't think they'll work. I'm torn between thinking that "he needs to learn..." and "he's just 10 months old, he'll learn eventually." MOMS, why didn't you tell about these problems BEFORE we newcomers got pregnant! LOL

[zgma]

If you can stand it, go with the "he'll learn" attitude. Just always remind yourself that these things don't last forever. Sometimes babies change overnight (no pun intended). Especially sleep habits... sleep is very tied to whatever else is going on for them. If I remember correctly, there seemed to be a big shift for us at 12 months (and I think that's pretty normal)... so hang in there, it may change really quickly. For us, my husband's usually on the "we have to teach him" side, and I'm usually on the "he'll get it eventually" side. Trying to get a baby to do something they're not ready for just makes for frustrated parents.

[Hgrove]

Stressed out, you sound just like I used to be. I agree, that kind of advice just doesn't work. They give that sort of advice thinking that the child will fall asleep within an hour, but some children can go on all night!!! My daughter was breastfed too and I remember the worst piece of advice I was ever given was to "not let her fall asleep at the breast" and that if she did, I was to wake her up again. I reached such levels of exhaustion and misery that I fantasised about jumping out of the window (pointless, it would not have killed me, it was only the first floor) and I got very, very close to shaking her to death. Until I gave up on the "experts" and did my own thing. I suggest: let baby fall asleep on the breast, and if things begin to look bad, let her sleep in bed with you - if it's the only way to get some sleep that is the way it has to be.

[happysaurus]

we had the same with our son the worst thing was missing out on the wind down time but believe me it dosnt last for ever and you soon forget it has ever happend (just about to go through it for the secound time)do what makes you happy and dont forget to use family and friends for a break you deserve it!

[aikidokaress]

Hi, don't panic there is a light at the end of the tunnel!! When my child was waking every night and crying I was a single parent and had no help, I was therefore slowly going mad from sleep deprivation!!! I worked out that what my daughter was crying for in the night was a cuddle from mummy. I decided to use the "hard" approach and ignored her every night... I even found that going in after 10 mins etc (as recommended) made her worse, so I left her crying on an off for a few hours for a few nights.... within 4 nights she slept through the night as a general rule! I also used a winnie the pooh night time device... pooh & piglet on a pillow, press the pillow and it has a few mins of lullabys and music with a night light that fades ... best thing is that there is a remote control so you can turn it on from the doorway without your child knowing you are there. But whatever you decide to do, it will be the right decision for you... there is no right or wrong way to be a parent... there is just being a loving parent with your childs best interests at heart... that is where you seem to be. Good luck

[nrmatth]

i'm amazed at the answers to get up and rub their back or to go in and sleep in their room! this is not a 6 week old. at this age he is learning that crying means mom will come cuddle. if you know he is ok and as his mom you can tell the difference between i'm hurt and i'm lonely, then you will know that if it's his i'm lonely cry then leave him to put himself back to sleep. if it's the i'm hurt cry then check on him, he will start dreaming now so you will want to comfort him then, but otherwise he is old enough to know how to manipulate you to go sooth him rather than learn to do it himself. my daughter was 7 months when i decided that i would like to sleep a straight 6-8 hours for a change. the first night she cried for 45 minutes, the second a half hour, the third fifteen minutes and it was done after that. three nights of discomfort and she had a refreshed, well-slept mother after that. she'll forget three nights but will remember a mom who wasn't so tired all day she couldn't enjoy it to it's fullest. my son went through the same thing at four months. it's all a matter of individual taste, but by getting up, whether your in the room or not, your still losing needed sleep. we love our kids and raise them to feel love all around them, but we also teach them to spread their wings. this starts from their first breath all by themselves. tough love is a part of this. and when they're this young it's tougher on you than them, trust me. his reward will be a refreshed mom, and you might be able to actually do stuff besides catching up on sleep during his naptime. and when you go in when he has a bad dream it will be all the more rewarding for both of you.

[Yinzer]

Wow, thanks for all the support.