Advice and ideas

[wisewomen]

I need your help everyone.

I really really want a baby, but my bf is a little reluctant at the moment. He hasnt said no and has said he would be overjoyed if I told him I was. Unfortunately that is not going to happen cos im on the pill.

How do I persude him to be happy about me coming off the pill?

Ive tried to hint that it could take 6 - 12 months to become pregnant but he still says we should wait till next year. I dont want next year to come and then him say we should wait till the year after.

I know deep down he wants a baby as he has said so much he just cant seem to make the commitmemt to start trying!

Is there anything you think I should say to him to get him to commit now?

[redcrx]

if what youve said so far wont get him to start trying there really isnt much else you can do.

Forcing the issue could cause problems between you, would you really want that?

Topics to cover are also financial issues, age and its relation to possible complications for conceiving and carrying a child.

But you cant force someone to be a parent who doesnt feel quite ready.

[4getmenot]

but sometimes it can only take a week after coming off the pill. Tell him you are going to come off, but if he isnt ready right now, he is to wear a condom

[redcrx]

why not try for a compromise. Explain to him that youd like to rid your body of chemicals and get your cylce back to normal before trying for a baby.

Tell him that you are coming off the pill and that for the next few months youd like him to take the precautions and use a condom.

[wisewomen]

I know what your saying and I fully appreciate it. The problem is I know he is just scared to commit. He has said that he is ready and does want a child its just never the 'right time'.

I know from speaking to everyone that there is never a 'right time' so I just need to convince him that now is a good time.

We are financially secure, have good jobs and a 3 bed house so we are more than ready in that aspect.

I know you must think I am forcing him but im not. He said to me only the other week that the would be over the moon if I told him I was pregnant. Its just accidents not happen to me and dont want to stop taking the pill without telling him as that is wrong.

[4getmenot]

yes it is wrong. None of us can say, you really need to talk to him. There is no way to change someones mind

[eyeshade]

Have you pondered the thought of getting married? Maybe that would be a better first comittment and then start a family, so many bfds scarper cos its easy to do so, but if there is more of a comitment on both sides, might help?

[wisewomen]

To be fair if we planned to get married before we had kids I think we would then be too old to have a family anyway.

We have our second house together which is a proper family home and he's got his sports car. Planning and funding a wedding are out the question at the moment which is fine by me I love long engagements (I know alot would of people would say we have it all wrong and we should be married before kids but to be fair we dont believe in that and neither do our families really. It would be ideal but not practical). We have been together over 2 years and everything is perfect.

[redcrx]

as 4get and i both said, tell him you are stopping the pill. Says its to get your body in shape ready for trying to conceive next year and get him to wear a condom.

Its amazing how a fella whos condidering children makes that decision once its up to him to use protection.

[wisewomen]

I will definately try that thanks. To be fair it sounds like a sensible thing to do anyway even if he agrees to use protection. Want my body to be in tip top condition!

[4getmenot]

yes its always good to have a break anyway for a while. Just dont trick him, make sure he knows you are coming off. Can I ask how old are you? I know everyones different but to me 2 years to move in together and have children seems very short

[redcrx]

exactly, and how many men when in the throes of passion always want to stop and put on a condom if they can get away without?

Hes already said he wouldnt be worried if you announced you were pregnant so it sounds as if hes just putting off the decision.

[wisewomen]

Im 32 and he's 34.

Redcrx - your quiet right he is just putting off making the desision (but to be fair it is a big desision and I wouldnt want him to get it wrong, just want to help him)

[4getmenot]

ok, just dont push him away

[redcrx]

its a huge decision WW, it really is.

All the best though :)

[Reverandfunk]

Just look at it from my perspective.

38 had the snip, love kids (for ten mins til I give them back)

I like being selfish, mankind will go on without me banging one out and I think i can cope without 20 odd years (at least) of grief.

Ooohhh but you get so much back from kids, yeah right think I can do without hearing them gargle, falling into things, sticking their fingers in plug sockets etc etc.

Get a retired greyhound instead lol, sleeps all day