6.20 pm on 11 April 2007. My lovely eldest son died in my arms after 10 months in hospital having lost his fight against severe Crohn's disease. And there have been so many sad moments since as I agonise about what might have been. He was only 32, and had so much pain in his life. But also many thankful moments too as I remember the tremendous joy I had from being his Mum. Why couldn't I take his pain away, why couldn't it be me instead?