I think that part of it is insecurity and that whilst your 1st husband was alive, he felt that he was "competing" on an even field, and in his mind, he was winning, he had you. Now, for him, he can no longer complete with a ghost, so he effectively feels that he has lost ground, you are now more focussed on your ex. quite rightly so as this is still very raw and a lot of the pain you feel is on behalf of your children and for their loss. I think only time will help. I wouldn't pander to him, but you maybe need to make it clear that this is a tempoprary situation that will ease over time and that despite feeling very sad and emotional, it is him that you want to be with. He maybe needs to be reassured of his role within the family and then he can maybe give you all the support you need instead of behaving like a spoilt child and throwing his toys out the pram!