My 3 year old doesn't like her dad!

[Sian79]

I am struggling alot with my nearly 3 year old.

Her Dad and i seperated about 5 months ago and over the past couple of months when he comes round she screams the house down tells him she doesn't like him etc. This lasts for about 5 - 10 minutes then she calms down and is ok with him.

I work full time so my ex has the kids one night a week at my house while I work he puts them to bed etc and then goes when I get home and they stay with him through the day and overnight on a saturday and most of sunday.

We went to a family wedding recently and my ex was also invited but she wasn't interesed in him at all all day.

There is to certain extent an atmosphere between her dad and me as I 3would imagine there is with any seperation but the seperation was a mutual agreement and there is no animosity between us we chat and stuff when he comes etc to help make things a little easier for them.

My son who is 4 (nearly 5) has taken things a little easier and is really pleased to see his dad when he comes.

It hurts me to see her so upset and I'm not really sure how I can help to ease the situation. Any suggestions how i can help her and why she might be behaving this way towards him?

I know that the seperation is hard on them but how can I help to ease it for them both and especially my little girl?

[ethanryan]

when i was a child my parents seperated. i used to not like going or beibg left with my dad and brother because i felt very left out. they would play football and do lads stuff and i was always left to one side doing my own thing.
Maybe you could try asking her dad to spend a bit of one to one time with her maybe he could pick her up on a saturday morning take her out for a couple of hours and you and your son spend a couple of hours alone then he come back and collect your son and they can then all spend the weekend together. it took my parents a while to realise this was the problem as i was to young to explain how i felt. try having a word with her dad. it is very hard for the young ones as they get used to having daddy about then he is gone. maybe she needs to get that bond back with him.

[HJT40]

It will take time, but stick with it. Maybe she is angry at Daddy for moving out, and doesn't fully understand and as you say your son is different about it all. It may be a generalisation, but girls seem to see their dad differently. As long as you two are amicable she will soon see that it is better like this than it was when you didn't get along.

Could it be her way of trying to show you that this is not how she likes it (us girls can be little minxes like that you know! ;-) ) Persevere, one day she will be fine, you just have to bear with it for now. I am sure it hurts her dad when she is like it too, but you will come out of the otherside - honest.

Maybe she could have things to tell him when he gets there, how good she has been, what she has done etc., just a few minutes for her to tell her dad things?


Good luck.

[HJT40]

It will take time, but stick with it. Maybe she is angry at Daddy for moving out, and doesn't fully understand and as you say your son is different about it all. It may be a generalisation, but girls seem to see their dad differently. As long as you two are amicable she will soon see that it is better like this than it was when you didn't get along.

Could it be her way of trying to show you that this is not how she likes it (us girls can be little minxes like that you know! ;-) ) Persevere, one day she will be fine, you just have to bear with it for now. I am sure it hurts her dad when she is like it too, but you will come out of the otherside - honest.

Maybe you could remind her near the time of the important thing she could has to tell him when he gets there, how good she has been, what she has done etc., just a few minutes for her to have her Dads attention.

Good luck.

[tiny e.a]

I would suggest that if possible their dad does things with the children out of the home, on neutral territory. He should take them to park or swimming pool, something like that for a couple of hours once or twice a week. Would you beable to bear being there too for an hour or so? If so it might help.

The tantruming may not be so much to do with her dad being in the house as it is to do with her mum leaving the house. It may be that she equates her dad being there with her mum not being.

Remember that she is fine after 5 or 10 minutes. How does her dad say she is over the weekend? I find, when I'm looking after my boyfriends son that he will be good as gold, happy as larry all day long but as soon as his Dad appears he starts tantruming, I also remember my younger sister being the same when our grandparents looked after us. She wouldn't care a jot that my mother wasn't there until my mum came to collect us, then she would act like her heart was broken that my mum hadn't been there. It's all done to gain that extra bit of attention from their much loved parent.

(Continued (Sorry, I'm going on and on!))

[tiny e.a]

Finally, don't worry, what ever it feels like this will not last forever. When my boyfriends son (I'll call him X) was a young 3 he used to go to his mum's house on a Saturday. Suddenly he started asking if he could not go. My boyfriend was determined that he should have a relationship with his mother so said he had to go but x looked so sad when he went with his mother that my boyfriend couldn't bear it, he decided instead that they would meet on a Saturday somewhere neutral and that my boyfriend would be there too, This wasn't ideal for either mum or dad but it meant the x felt comfortable, it was like this for about 6 months and then x started to feel happier about going for lunch on his own with mum, then to her house for a couple of hours, then for a day, and now, at nearly 5 he has just happily stayed the night for the first time! I realise your situation is probably very different but I hope that offers you some hope that this will not be a permanant thing!

[rubyrocket]

Is she just tantrumming or are you also seeing a shift in her behavior after visits? I used to behave the same way as a child when my mom told me that my older step brother was coming to sit for me and my younger brother. That was because I was being molested by him. My younger brother didn't tantrum because he wasn't being abused. I'm not saying this is the issue but I'm also saying don't rule it out. She may be associating the visit with an negative experience. She may be angry like some of the other posts stated and or perhaps she is still young and maybe just feels separation anxiety from you.