Keep it inside or let them know?

[lpphb]

If you are in love with one of your best friends should you tell them? Even if deep inside you know it might hurt your friendship now?

[cardboard]

Very tricky. Alot depends on the situation. If your friend is involved with someone else, keep it to yourself. There's a god chance they'll distance themselves from you a bit, and things will definatly be uncomfortable when their other half is around. If they're single is they're anyone else who knows you both you could confide in? Other people are far better at spotting telltale signs, no matter how hard to try to hide them, especially when they've been told to look out for them, and could possible tell from body language and the way they act around you if you have any chance. You never know, they could feel the same as you. If theres not anyone you can ask, or you're still not sure, dont tell them. You'll find just the friendship of this person is very important to you, and not worth gambling away. Remain friends, and hope something develops naturally. If not, you still have a good mate and you'll find those 'what if' memories keep you alot warmer on a night than the 'what was I thinking ones'...

[cardboard]

On the other hand, if you really love them and they're a really good friend, go for it anyway. If it does work out things will be awkward for a little while, but things like that cant keep good friendships down. And at least you'll know the answer. I realise this has been no help at all as Ive completed contradicted myself, but it depends too much on the situation.

[bernardo]

Probably not.

When I was at university I was good friends with someone for about three years and then I fell in love with him.  As soon as I told him, he suddenly went all negative and nasty and said that he didn't want to have anything to do with me.  A few months later, I discovered that he had done something very nasty to somebody else.

He was the wrong sort of person anyway, but I think that the general idea is that if you fall in love with someone who is already a friend, it gets very uncomfortable for both people.

[littleoldme]

As cardboard says, if they're with someone else, for goodness sake keep shtumm. They almost certainly won't immediately dump the person they're with and run into your arms, and it may put an intolerable strain on your friendship.

If they're unattached, you can tentatively broach the subject as long as you don't come on too strong. Professing undying love for someone you're not even dating could scare the life out of them. Just gently test the water to see if there could be a chance of taking your friendship to the next level, as it were. If he/she is a good friend, they won't be shocked (surprised, maybe), will be flattered and will appreciate your honesty. The worst that will happen is a gentle knock-back, but remember they won't want to hurt you and it shouldn't harm your friendship, as long as you accept their answer (even if it is difficult - I do realise it's easier said than done...been there, done that).

Then again, you never know. Maybe, just maybe, you might be lucky. Bonne chance! :O)

[nicola_red]

This happened to me, at our uni leaving party a guy from my course suddenly announced he was in love with me and had been for about a year. I had no idea whatsoever and had a long-term bf, who he knew about. I felt sorry for him and ending up sleeping with him (see my answer in Body & Soul to a Q on cheating!) I then didn't see him for 4 months til our grad ceremony, things were palpably awkward and I never heard from him again after that. A good friendship messed up. That's just my experience.