Advice please.....

[FEELINLOST]

If I am present with my partner at a doctor's appointment and his GP asks me if I am on any contraception and I say no but I really am can he look up my records in front of my partner?

I only ask this as my partner & I have been together for a while but he is not aware of me taking the pill as we have had a lot of relationship problems recently & in the past and I have thought in this situation I don't want to fall pregnant! But my partner doesn't like me taking any contraception & says he wants to have a sperm count!

He assumes I am not taking anything but soon he has to have a check up as he has some medical issues i.e. diabetes, weight.

Any advice will be appreciated, thanks

[Ethel]

If you are prepared to lie to your partner to the extent that he is worrying about his sperm count you need to get out of the relationship.

It is cruel.

And you will be putting your GP in a difficult position. He won't say you are on contraception but he will say there is absolutely no point in a sperm test.

[mandimoo]

im pretty sure they are not allowed to say anything, even if they did look it up while you were both there... however, that only soothes your symptom and i wish you luck resoving the cause xx

[joannie10]

I take it your partner is not randomly wanting a sperm count but believes that you are actively trying for a baby and it is not happening? If that is the case that really is cruel. Your partner is now concerned about his fertility. You are right not to want to bring a child into this situation but to be honest your relationship is never going to be good if lies like this are told. I dont know the rules with GPs but I would have thought if you go along to them about a fertility issue and you are both there together they will openly discuss each of your situations. What a waste of the GPs time.

[jkkerr]

Hey Feelinlost

Try not to worry - even if the GP did ask, he would be unlikely to then double-check your own records.

If you're worried, you could phone the Dr before the appt and advise of the situation.

I took your question to mean that you (or rather, your partner) are not actively trying to conceive...even if you were (without you taking contraception, obviously), there could be any number of reasons why you wouldn't be pregnant - eg there could be a problem with you, or it could just be nature. Not everyone finds getting pregnant easy!

It will do your partner no harm to have his sperm counted - if it's fine he should be reassured, and if not then at least he knows.

It's not a great sign for your relationship if you're lying to him re contraception, but at the end of the day it is your choice, not his.

[FEELINLOST]

Thank you for your reply's which I have taken on board.

I know its not fair on my partner but I think I'm just affraid of how unstable our relationship has been as he has been violent & threatining in the past and I had done a lot of bad things to him like lieing etc but some how we have got through it.

Just not sure what to do for the best.................

[joannie10]

yes as jkkerr said it is your choice but you should not be scared to tell him - that is not how you should live your life. I am not judging you just trying to remind you life it too short. You are saying that you have come through the things in the past but you have not really moved on if you are not in the position to be open and honest with each other perhaps with fear of him being violent again.

[shirleyc1941]

This is difficult one. If your relationship is strong, then your partener should realise that you have rights. What you do with your body is your choice and he should respect that. There can be nothing worse than having a child that you don't really want. Even if he convinces you that you should have one, you will resent it. Take the bull by the horns and tell him that that you prefer to wait before giving up your job? freedom? There are so many things that you both can enjoy together before you start making babies. He doesn't need to know that you are already on the pill just tell him that you are going to go on it. As for his gp, if he is not your own gp, don't see him, see you own and talk to him in confidence. I had unhappy marriages and ended up bringing my three children up alone. I don't regret them but I regret that they never really knew their dad. I hope it all goes well for you, really I do.

[alijangra]

Buy him a fertility test in the chemist then he wont have to ask the GP about it.