Good Morning To My Late Morning Birds!
ChatterBank3 mins ago
Competition in women....
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An old lady is in a lift in a posh department store, when two young arrogant women got in wearing very expensive scent.
"Romance by Ralph Lauren" - �100 a bottle says one.
"Channel No 5 �150 a bottle says the other one.
As the old lady leaves the lift she Farts and says "Brussel sprouts -25p a pound from Tesco"
(Just had to share that with you)!
"Romance by Ralph Lauren" - �100 a bottle says one.
"Channel No 5 �150 a bottle says the other one.
As the old lady leaves the lift she Farts and says "Brussel sprouts -25p a pound from Tesco"
(Just had to share that with you)!
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Well Dot, I've made some beautiful silk flower arrangements to put on my Mum & Dad's grave.
We're going to my sister & bro-in-law's near Romford first, then onto the cemetary in Dagenham, then going back to theirs for a while. We're then going to my nephew's house in Hockley, Essex for the evening. We always have such a good crack there, so all looking forward to it.
We usually get home to Dunstable in the early hours of the morning, although they always ask us to stay - so we might this time! ;o}
We're going to my sister & bro-in-law's near Romford first, then onto the cemetary in Dagenham, then going back to theirs for a while. We're then going to my nephew's house in Hockley, Essex for the evening. We always have such a good crack there, so all looking forward to it.
We usually get home to Dunstable in the early hours of the morning, although they always ask us to stay - so we might this time! ;o}
have a great day out then and try to make a night of it!
we are trying to get alot of silk flowers sorted out to redo the banner for Danny's grave, it is about 8 feet long and days his name in capital letters, it was in white at the funeral but my daughter is having probs finding the silk floers, how do you make them smudge?
we are trying to get alot of silk flowers sorted out to redo the banner for Danny's grave, it is about 8 feet long and days his name in capital letters, it was in white at the funeral but my daughter is having probs finding the silk floers, how do you make them smudge?
Diary of a Viagra Wife
Day 1.
Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, he locked himself in the bathroom and cried.
Day 2.
Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, he says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he tell me something I don't know! I mean, he actually thinks I haven't noticed.
Day 3
This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday, I saw a picture of the Washington Monument and burst into tears.
Day 4.
A miracle has happened! There's a new drug on the market that will fix his problem. It's called Viagra. I told him that if he takes Viagra things will be just like they were on our wedding night. I think this will work. I replaced his Prozac with the Viagra, hoping to lift something other than his mood.
Day 5.
What absolute bliss!!.
Day 6.
Isn't life wonderful but it's difficult to write while he's doing that.
Day 7.
This Viagra thing has gone to his head. No pun intended! Yesterday, at Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like a Whopper. He thought they were talking about him. But, I have to admit it's very nice - I don't think I've ever been so happy.
Day 8.
I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of mowing the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed wacker. I'm also getting a bit sore down there.
Day 9.
No time to write. He might catch me.
Day 10.
Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much. And to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down with whip cream and whisky! What am I going to do? I feel tacky all over....
Day 11.
I'm basically being screwed to death. It's like living with a Black and Decker drill. I woke up this morning hot-
Day 1.
Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, he locked himself in the bathroom and cried.
Day 2.
Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, he says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he tell me something I don't know! I mean, he actually thinks I haven't noticed.
Day 3
This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday, I saw a picture of the Washington Monument and burst into tears.
Day 4.
A miracle has happened! There's a new drug on the market that will fix his problem. It's called Viagra. I told him that if he takes Viagra things will be just like they were on our wedding night. I think this will work. I replaced his Prozac with the Viagra, hoping to lift something other than his mood.
Day 5.
What absolute bliss!!.
Day 6.
Isn't life wonderful but it's difficult to write while he's doing that.
Day 7.
This Viagra thing has gone to his head. No pun intended! Yesterday, at Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like a Whopper. He thought they were talking about him. But, I have to admit it's very nice - I don't think I've ever been so happy.
Day 8.
I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of mowing the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed wacker. I'm also getting a bit sore down there.
Day 9.
No time to write. He might catch me.
Day 10.
Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much. And to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down with whip cream and whisky! What am I going to do? I feel tacky all over....
Day 11.
I'm basically being screwed to death. It's like living with a Black and Decker drill. I woke up this morning hot-
I woke up this morning hot-glued to the bed. Even my armpits hurt. He's a complete pig.
Day 12.
I wish he was gay. I've stopped wearing make-up, cleaning my teeth or even washing but he still keeps coming after me! Even yawning has become dangerous ...
Day 13.
Every time I shut my eyes, there's a sneak attack! It's like going to bed with a scud missile. I can hardly walk and if he tries that "Oops, sorry", thing again, I'll kill the *******.
Day 14.
I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even started dressing like a nun but this just seems to make him hornier. Help me.
Day 15.
I think I'll have to kill him. The cat and dog won't go near him and our friends don't come over any more. Last night I told him to go and f... himself and he did.
Day 16.
The ******* has started to complain about headaches. I hope the bloody thing explodes. I did suggest he might try stopping the Viagra and going back on Prozac.
Day 17.
Switched the pills but it doesn't seem to have made any difference... Christ! Here he comes again!
Day 18.
He's back on Prozac. The lazy sod just sits there in front of the telly all day with that remote control in his hand and expects me to do everything for him. What absolute bliss!
Day 12.
I wish he was gay. I've stopped wearing make-up, cleaning my teeth or even washing but he still keeps coming after me! Even yawning has become dangerous ...
Day 13.
Every time I shut my eyes, there's a sneak attack! It's like going to bed with a scud missile. I can hardly walk and if he tries that "Oops, sorry", thing again, I'll kill the *******.
Day 14.
I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even started dressing like a nun but this just seems to make him hornier. Help me.
Day 15.
I think I'll have to kill him. The cat and dog won't go near him and our friends don't come over any more. Last night I told him to go and f... himself and he did.
Day 16.
The ******* has started to complain about headaches. I hope the bloody thing explodes. I did suggest he might try stopping the Viagra and going back on Prozac.
Day 17.
Switched the pills but it doesn't seem to have made any difference... Christ! Here he comes again!
Day 18.
He's back on Prozac. The lazy sod just sits there in front of the telly all day with that remote control in his hand and expects me to do everything for him. What absolute bliss!
Yes, I do make them myself Dot.
I've done a few flower arranging courses at college (fresh, dried & silk) - very therapautic! I would scan & post some of the my pic's on here, but they're tucked away in my college book in the archives - must dig them out one day!
I know what you mean about redoing Danny's flowers (that was very sad for you all). After my Dad's, we saved a big heart shape flower frame from the many others that were there. I redid it when Mum passed away 20 months later. It was nice to know the same one went with them both.
Anyway - all this on a 'fart' joke thread, oh dear! ;o}
I've done a few flower arranging courses at college (fresh, dried & silk) - very therapautic! I would scan & post some of the my pic's on here, but they're tucked away in my college book in the archives - must dig them out one day!
I know what you mean about redoing Danny's flowers (that was very sad for you all). After my Dad's, we saved a big heart shape flower frame from the many others that were there. I redid it when Mum passed away 20 months later. It was nice to know the same one went with them both.
Anyway - all this on a 'fart' joke thread, oh dear! ;o}
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