To work or not to work?

[Lore]

At present my partner and I work full time and our 14 month old daughter is in full time childcare - which is costing an arm an a leg! We're expecting our 2nd child in July and I've decided to take 9 months leave. After the 9 months are up the intention was to return to work and carry on regardless. However, after doing a few sums, to have both children in full time childcare will mean we're basically making a loss. If I went back part time, We'd still be making a loss. My fiance has offered to give up his day time job and work nights so that we wouldn't have to pay for childcare yet we'd still both be working ( He knows how much working means to me) BUT... I'm not happy with that situation, I don't want to be passing strangers and I'm worried it will put a strain on our relationship. So, where do we go from here? Do I hand in my notice and take a two year break until our eldest starts pre school and lose what I consider to be my identity, do we struggle on and risk getting into financial difficulties? Any ideas? anyone been in a similar situation? HELP!!

[Lore]

Hummm..
We had planned to try for another baby in a year or so when our eldest would have been pretty much on her way to pre school, but mother nature decided otherwise!

Best laid plans and all that eh!

I know we'll manage - everybody does I suppose. It's just working out how much of an impact on our finances having two children in nursery would be OR taking that two year break and then the daunting task of trying to find a job that is as rewarding as the one I'm in at present.

[saxy_jag]

I'm going back 25 years here, and you didn't get funded childcare then unless you were very poor, but I stopped working when I had my first. I took a part-time job (two mornings a week) when he was one, and my employer kept that job open for me when I had son number two. I was lucky enough to have a family to do the caring.

That aside, we struggled financially for a long time, a situation that could have been alleviated somewhat if I'd gone back to work full time and let the kids stay with family. But looking back, I wouldn't have swopped those years at home with them for anything. We had such a lot of fun together and we went out to museums and parks, went swimming and all sorts. No spare money plus two kids helps you find all manner of cheap entertainment/learning, and honestly, it's a situation you can get used to.

[bananie]

I saved money to see me through the maternity period and then relied on my partners wages. I stayed at home and did an OU Course and was able to get a better paid job when I went back to work when my twins were 3 - the extra money paid for all the debt we built up!!

Better to have some debt between you than a divorce and debt between you. Are there no family you could rope in to help childminding?

[Lore]

Thanks for your replies, they're very much appreciated.

All of my family work and my fiance's family work very long hours and are a good 3.5 hours drive away! So we're stuck in that sense.

We've looked at every angle and we're basically left with two options so that we can still have enough family time together.
a) I work part time - mornings only so that I can keep a hand in education AND work a couple of evenings per week to compensate the hours lost.
b) I take the two year break - get some more qualifications under my belt and then return to a better paid job.. just like you mentioned bananie.

Thanks again :)

[Ice.Maiden]

I'm sorry lore, but you speak as though taking a two-year break and "losing your identity" as you put it, is an horrendous thought. How can you lose your identity in that time? Doesn't the thought of staying at home and nurturing your child seem a better alternative than working like hell and then paying child care fees? With two children to look after, you're going to be even more tired, and less inclined to be the life and soul when you and your partner manage some time together. I'd say your children come first, and you could always work very part time if the desire to get away from domesticity overwhelms you.