Feeling down : (

[ChocolatChip]

I haven't had the most brilliant past, I was bullied for years, suffered severe depression, tried to commit suicide and suffered from an eating disorder, all of these from around the age of 16. This was when I fell out with the only, and best friend I ever had since I was 4, because she had a new best friend and either of them didn't want to know me in the slightest. (Plus doing a few other things that I guess aren't that important) It was like breaking up from someone you've been in love with for years. It hurt me so badly. Ever since then, my hurt and sadness turned to anger, and I hate them for what they did to me. Athough I feel it has dulled a little, everytime I see their faces, on friend websites or in the area I live. Seeing them happy with a big group of them makes me feel so sick and jealous. Because I don't trust friends anymore, I don't actually have any friends. I don't go out, or have that much fun. I do what I can with my partner and my family. But it's not exactly the same as 'going clubbing with the girls' or 'a girlie night in' or 'going shopping with the girls' I don't know what to do or how to curb my jealously, because all I want to do is feel how they're feeling, do what they're doing. But I can't. Help :(

[ChocolatChip]

Thanks everyone, I'm sure I will be fine, eventually. It's just the here and now I'm having trouble with, I wish everything was fine and normal. Although that doesn't really happen in real life does it?
I'm my own worst enemy.

[weeal]

looks like quite a few of us have had toxic friends then eh
rotten buggas

kick them to the kerb !!! as the americans say

lol

[ChocolatChip]

Probably because it runs through my head every minute of the day figure. And I can't let go.

[cazzz1975]

its very theraputic weeal, I would rather have no friends than toxic friends!

[weeal]

here, here cazzz

we got Answerbank lol

[ChocolatChip]

That's true I guess cazz. Bad friends, aren't friends at all.

[cazzz1975]

you have to keep yourself busy elsewhere choc, if you are bored ect you are bound to start replaying stuff in your head over and over.

life is too short to be miserable because you will only make everyone around you miserable too

[cazzz1975]

you can be my friend on facebook anytime!

[ChocolatChip]

That's true, and probably because I'm sitting here wrapped up in my banket all ill probably isn't helping matters.
I just don't feel right, and I can't cope with anything. I think I'm gonna cry.

[cazzz1975]

well if it gets rid of the tension have a good cry!, I always feel much better after a good bawl!

[figure]

Chocolatechips - you must make an effort to talk with a psychologist if you haven't been talking to one. Otherwise you will get a nervous breakdown and self-destruct even more.

[ChocolatChip]

Yeahh, you do don't you? Thanks for all your help everyone : )

[ChocolatChip]

Yeah, I might go out. and get some fresh air... like you said. the dog needs walking.

[lil123]

Hi there

I went through very similar to what you have and also suffered extreme domestic violence as I only had my partner
Through looking at myself and building my confidence up I am now able to forgive what has happened to me and move on
Is is not easy though at all but once you believe in yourself the rest seems to fall in place
I am now rebuilding my life a year after fleeing my violent husband and have had another relationship that I thought I never would be able to do
I am very happy being single at the moment another thing I thought I would be !!
There are some excellent books and c.d's to listen to that really help me
I wish you well xx
Michelle xx