rebellious 8yr old girl

[susan1980]

I am at witts end with my 8yr old daughter. at school and with other people she is great. She is athletic loves to dance and sing, but she is pure hell at home. Before I pick her up from school I have to prepare myself for the hollaring back and forth and the back talk and attitude. I have looked for ways of dealing with this. I don't know what else to do. I am scared I'm going to get so mad one day I am going to unintentionally hurt my daughter. I don't have a very high tolerance. Please advise!!!!!

[annie0000]

I think that the fact that you are already stressed is probably not helping - she will feel it of you and for whatever reason, sees misbehaving as a good way to get attention. Are you sure that there is not anything worrying her? You may need to start small and celebrate and praise her for any small amount of time you spend together where you are not shouting. My son is very highly strung as well, and as you say, it can escalate pretty quickly out of nothing. I try now to speek calmly to him about how I hate shouting at him and that we should both try not to shout. i know that it is difficult, but I don't think that there is necessarily a quick or easy solution. Juist try to hang in there and remeber that you dont want her only childhood memeories to be of the two of you shouting at each other.

[Le Chat]

My eldest son went through a similar phase. (He is now 11) I happened to turn on to Dr Phil on TV and he was involved with a similar situation. His advice (which I took and which worked a treat!) was 'commando' parenting. This meant removing every toy, book, computer etc from the childs room. If necessary. leaving just a matress and quilt - toys had to be 'earned' back by good behaviour! A day of 'no agro, eye rolling etc, means one toy back. No discussion, no wavering and its a winner!

[figure]

I believe your daughter is missing you and seeking your attention. Maybe try spending more time with her, just the two of you alone. You could take her for a day out, or shopping, a movie, for ice cream. Anything fun that girls that age might like. Even baking or cooking together would be quality time spent together.

[andy-hughes]

All sound answers - which you should certainly try.

The clue is in your question - "...hollaring back and fourth ...".

That needs to stop right now. You do not argue on equal terms with an eight year old, you do not shout at each other. You don;t shout at all, if she shouts, she is punished until she learns it is not acceptbale. Star with that, and the rest will follow because you will have open lines of comunication, which are obviously closed right now, which is why you both shout at each other.

The definition of shouting is the feeling that you are not being listened to - something you as an adult need to address, and then teach your daughter how to address it. That's because you can think outside yourself logically, as an adult, she as a child works on instinct, and has to be directed into appropriate behaviour.

It will take time, but you must take charge of your relationship. Today. Good luck.

[scorpious123]

hi i have a son who now is 13 and he is like that, eventually it ended up he was diagnosed with ADHD but everyones child is different my whole house was turned up side down from the momment he came home from school i shouted back and got very stressed and i thought i was going to hit him he now is on ritalin tablets at school and home. depends on the child with a ADHD but there thinking is a bit different just cause a child has ADHD most people say that there child never sleeps but mine did but from time he was up till he went to bed he was allways on the go,kids with ADHD only become calm if they are interested in that thing they are doing