Can anyone offer advice about my child?

[Taz70]

My 4 year old daughter started school in September and settled in really well, although she was shy at first. For the past couple of weeks she has been complaining that she has no friends to play with, has been having nightmares, has just made up an imaginary friend and insists on sleeping in our bed. Obviously something is going on, but after speaking to her teacher, cannot put a finger on it. She used to have school dinners but has changed to sandwiches recently, at her request. She said that a dinner lady shouted at her the other day and admitted that it was because she snatched a hoop from another girl after the girl refused to take it in turns. She came out of school this afternoon and the first thing she said was that the dinner lady had shouted at her again today, but she didn't know why. She is quite honest with me, but she truly didn't know why. Any advice would be appreciated. The teachers are not involved at dinner times and are not in the playground. Are school staff actually allowed to shout at children, particularly those in reception year? Am I being oversensitive?

[grasscarp]

I would try and get to the bottom of this. She should not be shouted at. I had a similar problem with a daughter at a much later stage. I heard a teacher screaming at her. I moved her to another school. My daughter was skipping school without our knowledge. You are not being oversensitive and I think your little girl needs your help.

[figure]

You should have a word with the principal and her teacher, and ask them to speak to the dinner lady. Also, you should have a chat with your daughter and tell her the dinner lady will not hurt her, so she (daughter) hopefully would banish that thought of fear from the dinner lady.

[Lil O'lady]

Can't agree more with these postings. At your child's age and stage there should be a clear whole-school policy for relationships between staff and children. If it is the case that your child needs to learn to play in a different way (if), then school needs to work with you and her on this.
You need to talk and find out if said dinner lady is yelling at other kids - or if there is a behaviour issue generated by what goes on at playtime.
Simple question - and I've seen this before - is the child 'not taking turns' a niece / daughter / grandchild of dinner lady, making it hard for her to deal objectively with behaviour issues.

[Taz70]

Thanks guys. I've got parents evening on Tuesday and I'll speak to her teacher about it. I just don't get the feeling that she'll do much as I've spoken to her about other issues. A couple of other people have said that the dinner lady is a bit of a dragon, so I don't think she's singling my daughter out. All the same, I'm sat at home worrying about what's happening when she's at school. The worst they can think is that I'm an overprotective parent. If my daughter's behaviour is not appropriate they should let me know so that I can deal with it, not just shout at her and make her scared stiff.

[Pesk]

As a primary school teacher,I can appreciate your problem. Children at that age can very quickly make up their minds that they don't like a certain person and can then not want to interact with that person. Welfare Staff (dinner ladies) are hard to come by and often schools are in a situation where "beggers can't be choosers". I've known some awful dinner ladies in my time who shouldn't be allowed anywhere near children. It sounds as if your daughter has made her mind up about this person based on what happened to her and what she has seen. This might have coloured her attitude to playtimes generally. It takes a while for some children to find their feet. Playgrounds can be very threatening to some children who aren't used to the rough and tumble and sometimes very unfair goings on. If your daughter really has been upset by this dinner lady then you should say something especially if your daughter isn't the onl;y one to be treated this way. In the mean time, try to explain to your daughter that school is a very safe place and encourage her to look forward to all the things she likes. Her teacher should be sensitive to your daughter's apprehension and should talk to her and support her. I would avoid going to the head until you've talked to the teacher. If you are still not happy, then make an appointment to see the head. The next stop is the chair of governors but hopefully you won't need to do that! Good Luck!
ps please excuse any typos as I'm writing this without my glasses!

[Taz70]

Thanks for the advice Pesk. It's great to hear from a teacher. On the whole, I think that teachers do a fantastic job, but it must be hard for them to deal with everything with a class of 30 children, plus they don't have anything to do with dinner times, so hopefully my daughter's teacher will have a word with the dinner lady or at least try and keep an eye on things. I just don't want it to get to the point where she doesn't want to go to school, as she's always loved it until now.

[aims1202]

I dont think you are being oversensitive at all. I am in a similar situation to you, my son also started school in september. He was really happy last term and settled in really well. This term it has been different. He does go to school happily, but often says he doesnt want to go because a certain teacher (teaching assistant) will tell him off and shout. They have brought in a happy and sad face system which is having a very bad affect on him. I think they are expecting a lot more of them now they've been there a term. Its too much for a 4yr old. I dont know if this teacher does actually shout or if he feels as though she is because shes cross.
He has also become a bit aggressive recently which he was not before, especially when i pick him up. Like you i dont want it to get worse as he's loved going and is learning so much. He has a really good teacher who he loves and I have talked to her about it. Not sure what they will do. I now worry the whole time he's at school as i just want him to be happy.

[Taz70]

Aims - I think you have to keep speaking to the teacher until you feel satisfied that you are being taken seriously. I don't think any child should be shouted at, let alone a 4 year old and luckily, my daughter's teacher feels the same. I have just had parents evening and she seemed genuinely concerned about the dinner lady and said she would have a word with her. She said that if she is being upset at dinner time then she is going to feel upset coming back into the classroom and so it was not good for everybody. At first I felt as if I was a burden to keep speaking to the teacher, but your child's happiness is at stake and they've only just started school and it has to be a happy experience for them. There's enough time for them to hate school when they're stroppy teenagers, but right now, they should love it. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that it all settles down for your son.

[sunflower68]

Taz I do feel for your little girl; I work in a school with a bit of a similar problem.
The teachers are allowed an hours' lunchbreak. No teachers come onto the playarea during the whole hour. This is filled by teaching assistants and dinner ladies.
The morning break has a teacher on duty by the way.

As it is a special needs school, the quota of teaching assistants is quite high, on duty.
However, I do have an issue with one of the two dinner ladies. I hate to say this but she is untrained and unqualified in a teaching or teaching assistant role. When she puts away tables with a rota of helpers, the kids are often affected into the afternoon by her shouting.

I have made this problem known and it is being dealt with.
I would do the same and make sure a trained staff member, not a dinner lady is on duty. There should be staff members out on duty; make it known that they need to discreetly watch your daughter.
Personally I always make sure the kids are happy, that should be happening too on your daughter's playground.

[sunflower68]

I meant to add Taz, that, sorry to say it, the worst thing that can happen is NOT that people with think you are over protective; sod what people think anyway. Your little girl is so lucky to have a protective mummy.
The worst thing that can happen is your daughter being unhappy. I hope that didn't come out wrong but I think you understand where I am coming from x x

[Taz70]

Thanks for that sunflower. When I spoke to her teacher she knew who I was talking about with the description I gave her (didn't know the dinner lady's name). By the look on her face she's not exactly a nice person. I just don't get why they choose to work in schools if they don't even like kids. I don't think the money is that great, they could probably get more elsewhere. I suppose if you pay peanuts you get monkeys. It's just awful to think that these sort of people are responsible for our childrens safety and wellbeing. After speaking to other parents, I'm sure she's not singling my daughter out, she's horrible to all of the children in general. I will be keeping an eye on things and if they get any worse I will be waiting outside the school gates waiting to trip her up, lol.