Child Maintenance for Tertiary Education

[dismay]

My husband and I have just spent the last 14 years paying for my stepsons private education. We are ordinary people and earn very ordinary salaries, we therefore borrowed a considerable amount of money in order to provide this education, which we are still paying back. In addition to this we have taken my stepson on holidays, given him money as and when he has wanted it and always got on well. Last year in his last term of 6th Form, his mother decided she wanted more money for the previous 2 years of 6 form and started court proceeding against us, our solicitor assures us based on our full and frank financial disclosure that she doesnt have a leg to stand on, as we have adhered to the original court order. This is due to be heard in court at the end of this month, however, today we have received an application for maintenance for Tertiary Education from my stepson (who is 18 and at University). We offered him �200 per month prior to his commencing Uni and he said he didnt want it. My husband and I are heartbroken as we gave up the chance to have a family of our own in order to support our son and we have made huge financial sacrifices, now he is taking us to court for more money?! Can he do this and what kind of payments will we be expected to make?

[baremission]

That sounds an awful situation to have put you in. Then again the 'given him money as and when he has wanted" might have something to do with his attitude now....

[shaylee]

oh not good. :-(
I can understand why you feel so hurt and probably betrayed by him. i do agree with what baremission says though, giving him all this money whenever he wanted it especially considering you couldn't really afford to is probably half the problem. all i can say is keep positive for the hearing. nobody can deny you have gone above and beyond what most would have!
I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.
Good luck.

[Schlomo78]

Hi, to be honest I don't belive he himself can take you to court for the past, up until 18 years your husband is eligible to pay an amount towards his education, however, I think you find that your earnings have nothing to do with this and he cannot claim anything from you working-even if you are married. To be frank and honest I would say your lawyer is right, and if she wishes to back claim for anything ask her too go via CSA and see it in 400yrs in the state they are in. At 18 he is an adult and whatever his mother may have signed was not necesarily signed by your hubby so i don't see how he would be eligible for it. At least you have each other hon. Best of luck
xxx

[evedawn]

how hurtful for both of you :-(

Try to remember that his mum may be putting pressure on him to do it?

He should count himself lucky that you even were able to offer �200.....many kids parents cant contribbute anything at all and the students have to organise their own loans.

[dismay]

Thanks guys for your support. The whole situation is very long, and if I explained everything I think the whole country would be in disbelief. Our solicitor cannnot believe after everything we have been through and everything we have done for our Stepson, even with his Mother pulling the strings he could do this. His Mother did a similar thing to us 13 years ago. We thought we all got on well until she put us through 4 years of hell, we we're made to sell our house and give her the equity, at which point the Judge realised she had been lying about her circumstances and requested her to pay us back the money, she said she'd spent it so in the interest of keeping the peace we agreed that it would be a full and final settlement, . Even after the vidictive things she did I tried to make peace for our sons sake, I even went on holiday with her and her family to Spain, they came to our house, we went to dinner they came to my husbands 40th, I have been more than tolerant, I am at my wits end. My husband made a costly mistake 18 years ago, he married her for 11 months, she left and was pregnant with her new Partners child within 3 months of leaving, and yet we are being taken to court again. To give you a laugh my stepson wants us to pay �16,000 per annum for his cost of living, including �450pm for a car and �1000pa for holidays and �500pm food. We don't spend that ourselves. Am I mad to think this is unreasonable. He has said he will not work part-time to contribute to these costs and he expects us to pay them. My husband is a Quantity Surveyor and I am a Fitness Instructor (hard Doctor and Lawyer paid jobs). Sorry I am ranting but I really am in total disbelief. Upshot is this whole situation is decided by 1 judge depending how he/she feels on the day, and my faith in judges is not great in view of past experience. THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR COMMENTS I TRULY APPRECIATE THE SUPPORT.