boyfriend

[smartyangel*]

i'm thirteen and want to know how sreious my relationship with my boyfriend can get at my age to be acceptable. i mean this is really my first and i have no idea. i'm in eighth grade and haven't been kissed yet! my moms not any help cuz all she says is as long as god approves of it, and obviously i'm not planning on having sex! duh! i mean wat kind of touching is appropriate at my age?!? i need all the help i can get and fast! please and thankyou

[snook]

Can't begin to give a definitive answer to that, you'll probably get some advice from the ladies on the AB. But you sound like a sensible girl - trust yourself to decide wisely and don't be pushed into doing anything that just feels wrong to you. I know at your age you're rushing to get things done, but slow down a bit; lots of kids make bad decisions and have to live with the consequences. If you slow down a bit you'll be proud of yourself - you'll have made your decisions in an adult way and you'll feel really grown up, instead of just feeling like a confused kid.

[zgma]

I think that's a great answer, snook.  It's not something someone else can tell you.  You sound like you're smart enough to not leap into having sex at 13... one thing you may want to think about is: what aside from intercourse constitutes sex - I think a lot of teenagers don't think of oral sex as sex now, for example, but I would consider that sex because it is very intimate and you can get STDs from it.  For me at age 13, kissing probably would have been appropriate but probably not much else. 

 

You should just think about what feels right to you, and really be willing to stop whatever your boyfriend and you are doing if you are at all weirded out by it.  As snook says, go slowly and it will all feel more momentous when you go further - and you're both ready for it!

[Morrisonker]

I really would consider oral as sex, I know some of my friends consider it *more* intimate than sex.  I mean, the nature of it means you're very close to a very personal place.

For 13, let's see, I don't think I even liked boys at that age! But I'd say just stick to kissing.  I know I'm going to sound like an old lady (hey, I'm only 18!) but thinking about sex at 13 just isn't worth it.  Try kissing first because first off, it's just a good thing.  It's fun, free and barring a cold sore, there are no dangers involved!  Hugs and kisses are what I would say is appropriate, I can't really think of much else.  I know you'll probably be curious about his body and stuff, but take your time, and don't listen to what other people are doing with their boy/girl friends.  They're probably lying.

You sound like you're on the right track, I'm sure I don't need to tell you not to let yourself get pushed into anything.  Just enjoy yourself, do what feels right, that's what it's all about.

[splodge24]

Like everyone else has said, you sound smart and understand how sex isn't just something 'to do'. My advice to you would be to just be with your boyfriend and you both really like each other then it should be easy to talk this over with him. He might be just as concerned over what to do! If you have never been kissed then i recommend you stick with that for a while. A kiss can be very passionate. As long as you feel comfortable and don't let anyone take advantage of you by doing something you don't feel ready for then you will be ok. You will always know when to take the next step in whatever you do. Hope that helps you smartyangel

[ursula62]

I'm sure your mum means to be helpful, but sometimes it's hard for parents to realise their children are growing up. By telling you it's OK as long as G-d approves of it, she is leaving it to your conscience.  You seem sensible enough, so your mum has obviously done a good job at bringing you up to make your own decisions.

Go slowly. Don't do anything that doesn't feel right. Talk to your boyfriend. If he shares your values and considers your feelings you will both be fine.

Do you have a teen counsellor at your school or church you could talk to about this face to face? Someone outside the family? It might help.

[Scarlett]

I think you will KNOW when to stop. At your age you just aren't ready for some things, and your gut instinct will tell you what you feel comfortable doing, or not.

[Weaza_cfc]

You sound sensible smartyangel*, so, like Scarlett says, i think you will know when to stop. Don't let your bf pressurise you into doing anything you are not completely sure. If he's worth anything he will respect you more if you know where your boundaries are.

[nfgfan]

Hey smartyangel know that God does not agree with sex out of marriage for it is an act of lawlessness and the BIBLE which is His word forbids it because it conflicts with His commandments, but you can kiss your boyfriend and hug him, i doubt it is a bad thing in God's eyes as long as it's sencere and is done out of love. Don't get carried away because a kiss can sometimes lead to other things, as long as you know what your heart is saying while you're in the moment go with your heart's instinct and remember what your mother said for she knows best.