ChatterBank6 mins ago
Red Dwarf Quotes
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Seeing as I was partially to blame for nearly ruining Squitty's thread with my adoration of all things Red Dwarf. I thought it'd be funny to read your favourite Red Dwarf Quotes. I have loads of favourites, but one of mine is....
"Now kindly cluck off, before I extract your gibblets, and shove a large seasoned onion between the lips you never kiss with. "
"Now kindly cluck off, before I extract your gibblets, and shove a large seasoned onion between the lips you never kiss with. "
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Other one of my faves:
RIMMER: Mayday! Mayday! I wonder why it's "Mayday."
LISTER: Eh?
RIMMER: The distress call. Why d'you say "Mayday"? It's only a bank holiday. Why not "Shrove Tuesday" or "Ascension Sunday"? Ascension Sunday! Ascension Sunday! The fifteenth Wednesday after Pentecost! The fifteenth Wednesday after Pentecost!
RIMMER: Mayday! Mayday! I wonder why it's "Mayday."
LISTER: Eh?
RIMMER: The distress call. Why d'you say "Mayday"? It's only a bank holiday. Why not "Shrove Tuesday" or "Ascension Sunday"? Ascension Sunday! Ascension Sunday! The fifteenth Wednesday after Pentecost! The fifteenth Wednesday after Pentecost!
One of my faves:
KRYTEN (Shifting his grip on the vase.) You won't feel a thing. I'll render you unconscious using the Ionian Nerve Grip.
RIMMER tenses up, closes his eyes and grits his teeth. KRYTEN pinches him on the shoulder... then smashes him over the head with the vase.
RIMMER: That's not an Ionian Nerve Grip! That's smashing me over the head with a vase!
KRYTEN: There's no such thing as an Ionian Nerve Grip. Now stand still while I hit you!
KRYTEN (Shifting his grip on the vase.) You won't feel a thing. I'll render you unconscious using the Ionian Nerve Grip.
RIMMER tenses up, closes his eyes and grits his teeth. KRYTEN pinches him on the shoulder... then smashes him over the head with the vase.
RIMMER: That's not an Ionian Nerve Grip! That's smashing me over the head with a vase!
KRYTEN: There's no such thing as an Ionian Nerve Grip. Now stand still while I hit you!
Rimmer:
If we're talking about famous firsts - my first french kiss. It's gotta be a killer story. Fourteen years old. We went on holiday with my Uncle Frank and his daughters. Sixteen. Twins. Blonde. Now I knew that Sarah fancied me, but I wasn't too sure about Alice. Anyway, middle of the night, I wake up with this tongue stuck down my throat. Wide awake now - I couldn't believe my eyes. It was Uncle Frank! He'd got the wrong room - he thought I was my mum!
If we're talking about famous firsts - my first french kiss. It's gotta be a killer story. Fourteen years old. We went on holiday with my Uncle Frank and his daughters. Sixteen. Twins. Blonde. Now I knew that Sarah fancied me, but I wasn't too sure about Alice. Anyway, middle of the night, I wake up with this tongue stuck down my throat. Wide awake now - I couldn't believe my eyes. It was Uncle Frank! He'd got the wrong room - he thought I was my mum!
pmsl @ this lot, I'm so easily pleased!
"You know, I stand here now and I look at the two of us, and I ask one simple question: Who is the rich man? You, with your fifty-eight houses, your private island in the Bahamas, your multi-billion pound business empire; or me, with . . . with . . . with what, I've got . . .
it's you isn't it?"
"You know, I stand here now and I look at the two of us, and I ask one simple question: Who is the rich man? You, with your fifty-eight houses, your private island in the Bahamas, your multi-billion pound business empire; or me, with . . . with . . . with what, I've got . . .
it's you isn't it?"
K: Well, I want to talk to you about my penis. I knew it, you've gone straight into smirk mode. Aren't we both two human adults? Can't we discuss our reproductive system without adolescent sniggering?
L: Yeah, of course we can.
K: Thank you. [hands Lister polaroid] Well?
L: `Well' what?
K: Well, what do you think?
L: I'm not quite with you here, Kryten. What am I supposed to say?
K: I want to know: is that normal?
L: What? Taking photographs of it and showing it to your mates? No, it's not!
K: Well, but is it supposed to look like that?
L: Well, yeah.
K: It's hideous! That's the best design they could come up with? Are you seriously telling me there were choices, and someone said "Ah, there, that's it. That's the shape we're looking for: The last-chicken-in-the-shop look"? Shakespeare had one? Einstein? Perry Como sang `Memories are Made of This' with one of those stashed in his slacks?
L: Yeah, of course we can.
K: Thank you. [hands Lister polaroid] Well?
L: `Well' what?
K: Well, what do you think?
L: I'm not quite with you here, Kryten. What am I supposed to say?
K: I want to know: is that normal?
L: What? Taking photographs of it and showing it to your mates? No, it's not!
K: Well, but is it supposed to look like that?
L: Well, yeah.
K: It's hideous! That's the best design they could come up with? Are you seriously telling me there were choices, and someone said "Ah, there, that's it. That's the shape we're looking for: The last-chicken-in-the-shop look"? Shakespeare had one? Einstein? Perry Como sang `Memories are Made of This' with one of those stashed in his slacks?
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