Troubled friend

[Bee35]

I have a dear friend who was left in difficult circumstances when her husband left a couple of years ago. In that time I suspect (as do other friends) that she is drinking. She has never admitted this. She never seems to pick up & now her children (all over 12) are seeing her fall over in the street, at home etc. They are worried, even to the point of phoning me when this happened recently. i love them all very much and have supported them throughout, but now I do not know what to do. Anybody been in similar situ.

[mizi]

I had a friend who turned to drink and i tried my very hardest to help her,she had a son and he grew up seeing his mother drunk most days.I did everything i could possibly do,i even let them move into my home for awhile but sadly she would not stop drinking.I watched her waste her life away and sadly she died at the age of 42 with drink related diseases,her son is grown up now and never touches alcohol.I have a 35 year old niece who is also going down this same road,no one can help them unless they admit they want and need help,many dont even think they have a problem,it's so sad.Good luck bee

[Bee35]

Thank you so much Mizi. I am so sure drink is involved. In fact, it was not me but another friend who first saw her like that. I am so sorry you lost your friend. i only hope I can save mine. So many drinkers blame everything else but their own problem. So many people have offered help re her other problems but she finds excuses. A friend has even suggested involving social care for the kids. Your quick response is appreciated. xx

[NIGHTFLIGHT]

Such a shame, but extremely common sadly.
The problem is, and I speak from experience, only your dear friend can decide when she has had enough. When she is ready to say "I want to stop drinking" then the road to recovery can start. Alcoholic Anonymous is a tremendous organisation, full of people just like me, you, the people down the road, in fact from all walks of life.
Be there for your friend, and point her in the right direction when she is ready.

[Bee35]

Thank you too NIGHTFLIGHT. sometimes I feel like shaking some sense into her. She cannot see thru the fog and I have been pulled thru so many hoops with her. It makes me both angry and sad. Will be there though!
Bless you.

[wolf63]

I am not sure what type of help the children of your friend need - but they certainly need to have somebody to talk to. I think that there are charities or agencies that help children deal with parents who drink.

Your friend is ill and needs to be helped - and I feel for the children. It is good that you care for them but it is a hard situation for all to deal with.

Until she admits that she drinks she will be unable to help herself...

[Bee35]

Thank you too wolf63. We have never discussed the problem (drink) so getting the kids the help will be difficult, but it cannot go on much longer for their sakes. Sadly I no longer live as close to her as I used to, and I think she has slipped since I moved. I am only a short drive away but it is not close enough to be a neighbour now. Thank you so much. Will be logging off soon but will still check any further responses. x :)

[Ice.Maiden]

Hello Bee. You've had some lovely supportive replies there, but is it just possible that your friend has some medical condition which causes her to fall over? A relative of mine went through a very stressful period in her life, made worse by some inner ear condition. She frequently felt faint, and dropped to the floor a few times. The doctor prescribed Stemetil tablets which helped, but then it was found that she suffered with some heart complaint, which in turn wasn't helped by her anxiety. Could you sit down with your friend and tell her what you've heard? Then maybe you could find out if she has a drink problem, or if it's something else? Best of luck.

[terry davies]

Maybe a telephone call to your friend, not from yourself but an acquaitance of yours, but a stranger to her, warning her, or tipping her off, about possible social services involement!!!

[Bee35]

Thanks for all advice. She has had some other health probs, which may well contribute to her overall condition. Sadly it seems the drink is in there too. Poor girl has a lot going on. Re the kids situ - will think on. Ta again X

[Taxman1]

If she is on the sauce a bit, there is no direct way you can help. There are indirect ways - leave a few pieces of AA literature around your house if she visits. The AA number is in the phone book. It is vital not to make a big issue of it, as people who do drink try to hide it.

Sometimes people have a hard time and turn to the bottle, other times they may be alcoholic, which is no big deal as long as you know to keep off it. Whichever one a drinker is, they need to be able to talk to someone who knows about drink related troubles - this could be a doctor, though they are not usually as good as alcoholics who do not drink.

If, gently, subtly and sensitively you can get your friend to talk to someone in AA, she will find a friendly, kind and well balanced person who will like talking to her. She may not be an alcoholic, but have reached for the bottle in a bad situation, but perhaps needs a bit of support from other people like her.

I have been in the same position as her, and found that by putting the bottle down life gets a lot easier, and problems seem to melt away.

[Velvetee]

My friend's sister has been had a "secret" drink problem for years. At family events, she pretends to be sober, but visits the toilet numerous times, where she keeps alcohol hidden in the shower cubicle. She's also been found several times collapsed at train stations or in the street. Since her marriage broke down, her 20 year old daughter has been her main carer.

Her family have tried to help her, but she is in denial that she has a problem. She claims she can take the drink or leave it. Unfortunately, people with alcohol addictions can find help, only when they face up to the problem.

[Bee35]

Thanks again to all of you who have taken the time to reply. I spoke to my friend over the weekend and know now that I need to speak quite frankly with her. She says she never sees me but make excuses whenever I offer company. She feels she is the victim now, but does not realise her action are causing me pain too. It has to change! Thanks for support and frankness all of you. xx