Unhelpful grandparents

[snodgrass]

Anyone have any tricks to lure my selfish parents into being more interested in helping me with my seven year-old son. I am a single parent and really would like to feel that they will be there for me when I try to return to work full-time, even just as back-up should childcare let me down. I never take advantage of them in asking them to babysit too much yet when I do, their faces say it all. They seem terrified of having their freedom restricted, as they see it, and it has really been a source of upset to me for the last six years now.

[Hgrove]

Snodgrass, I am sorry, but some of my childcare experiences have been so upsetting that I am not going to post on this thread anymore because it is bringing it all back.  However, once again I wish you the best of luck.

[FP]

Horrible experiences for you Hgrove.  I hope you read this last answer.  I know how you feel about childminding, nurseries, etc.  I did not work when my child was young - not because I was fortunate -we literally lived on the breadline for five years because we wanted one of us to be at home with him.    When he started school we were lucky enough to have a close network of friends with children of the same age, so there was always somebody about if I was delayed.  Also I worked for the Civil Service who, I must admit, were very sympathetic if I needed time off work for child sickness, etc.

 

I really do feel for people who have no choice but to leave their children with outsiders, such as single mothers. 

 

Children are such an emotive issue, and I apologise to you as well if my answers were a bit strong.

[ursula62]

I think it was George Bernard Shaw who said you can choose your friends but you're stuck with your family.

 

Your parents have made their choices and you have made yours.  I doubt there will be any meeting of minds on this one, so how about looking at the issue from a different angle?

 

Instead of getting stressed about their "lack of interest" in helping you care for your son, you might find it less stressful if you accept that this is the way things are and you can't change it.

 

Why not look for other areas of support instead e.g. neighbours and riends? What about a single mothers' group e.g. Gingerbread? Have you contacted your local authority? What about placing an ad in your local library? Or asking at your son's school?  Are there any mums in similar situations at your local church?

 

If no group exists, why not start one up?

 

We make stress for ourselves when situations don't fit the pattern we think they should fit. If we remove the "should" from the equation and accept that things are the way they are, there is less stress all round.

[Diablod666]

i agree totally with everything fakeplastic and ursula said! also i would like to show you the dictionary meaning of lure: To attract by wiles or temptation; entice. i know its already been sorted but someone (hgrove) <_< said that to lure meant that you would like someone to wish they could be involved. thats not true. anyway, i hope that whatever snodgrass does, she makes sure not too let her stress rub off onto the child in any way. This is very damaging, as i know (bin there, done that, got the emotional scars) also noone post with sympathy! lol the only sympathy should go to snodgrass and hgrove for the complications in their lives, and thats where mine goes. hope everything works out snodgrass. =D