problems with ex partner seeing our child

[beverleymot]

my son is 3 today- the plan was for his dad to come round for 2 hrs to c him before we went out for the day. 30 mins before he was supposed to come round he rang me to ask if he cud take our son out with his girlfriend. i have previously posted on here that she has hit my son and so we had an agreement in place that my son would see his dad at mine as it was safer so for obvious reasons i said no. after 20 minutes of arguing and telling me that our son comes first i put the phone down politely as i dont want to argue over it. he comes round, throws my sons birthday card at me, tells me he is taking me to court and walks out. so obviously he would rather not spend time with our son and he does put his girlfriend first!

Court would probably be a better option as its been 7 months since the incident and someone else needs to intervene to decide what to do for the best, but what does everyone else think the court will say? i reckon they will give him supervised access at our local church like they have done before but some opinions on options from anyone on here would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

[katerich48]

Weell... I would think get as much evidence against the girlfriend as you can, and emphasise that you have no objection to your son seeing his father, but stress that you are not happy about his girlfriend... I'm sure the courts will agree with that - after all she has nothing to do with him, there is no reason why your son needs to spend time with her... It's obviously just inconvenient for your husband... well tough! And tell the court about the card throwing incident, your husband was obviously not bothered about seeing his son. He just came over to take it out on you...I think your best bet is the courts, you know where you stand then...

[beverleymot]

thanks kate- she has done other things too like rippin up his pics of our son an throwing an aerosol can at him. only problem is that i was told this by my sons aunt, and also by one of his dads friends and i doubt either would speak up- especially my sons aunt. i really hope they dont take his side as they have done this before ( my word against theirs). its child abuse in my eyes. i did say that today was the one day of the year that belonged to my son and he still couldn't give him time alone. she drops him off here late, and picks him up early... its not fair, considering its only an hr a week. i have always said that he is free to take him out for the day as long as he does it alone.

[pink-kittens]

Why haven't you/didn't you make a complaint about her hitting your son to the police?
Start keeping records of everything; times, dates, the lot

[Velvetee]

What did your son's father do when this girlfriend hit the child?

[Le Chat]

You need to re-itterate to that jerk of an ex that he can pick up his son at a nominated and pre-arranged time and that there will be no change in this arrangement unless it is done say 2 days previously. You should then tell him that it will be his own fault if he tries to change things at the last minute and gets annoyed because you have said no. This you must drive into his thick, self centred, childish, immature head.
As for the courts....if you keep calm, serene and to the point and focus on 'your son and how he is affected' then I think you will be ok. If you lose your rag and start bringing in irrelevant personal issues, then they may see it as you just trying to get at him through his girlfriend.
Good luck beverleymot...He sounds like a to$$er and it is impossible to have a reasonable discussion with one of those because they only ever think of themselves and how life affects them - so you need to keep things short and to the point. (I used to be married to one too!!! I tell him how things are going to be now, rather than enter into discussion , so we don't argue.)

[banjosister]

Hey beverleymot,

With a bit of luck the court will insist that someone will supervise time both with you and the child and the father and the child so they can see how the child behaves.

Unfortunately you cannot guarantee that the courts will see it the right or your way. As others have suggested keep notes of times when he has let your son down etc.

Unfortunately he will try to pin the blame on you even though he knows that it is him who is letter your son down. Try to keep calm and rise above it - so much easier to say - but if you are consistent he will get it in the end!

Chances are, he won't get around to taking you to court.

Wishing you well.

BB xx

[beverleymot]

Thanks for your replies- i already keep dates and times of contact and i have done for the past year as my solicitor last time suggested this. he insists our son is lying and that his girlfriend wouldn't touch our son, but to me, if he was that adamant then he would have took me to court straightaway. I didnt go to the police as my ex was co-operative about seeing our son away from his house and i didnt want to take my son through all the social services hassle unless necessary, tho if it does go to court i am sure they will be involved, but if thats the way its got to be then fair enough!

He said he never witnessed her being abusive although he has admitted they have argued in front of our son. He even recently broke his girlfriend wrist during an argument.

If and when we go to court i plan on keeping it personal to our son- the only past events i shall mention are the way my son has been treated throughout this whole event.

He would rather my son lost out on time with him than to have hassle in his home life- i thought he was man enough to stand up to her but obviously not!!

[beverleymot]

Thanks wizard- he is still there becuase they have a child together now and feels he is doing the right thing by staying with her for the childs sake

[beverleymot]

lol thanks wizard!! id like to try somethin else but wouldn't give them the satisfaction!!

[Bohne]

Quote: She sounds like a nasty piece of work...

Well, not sure if I would trust a man with my child who breaks his girlfriend's wrist in an argument!