could it be post natal and what should i do?

[unsuresi]

picked up lil one but then the day after it was different and she said she was reluctent to do wat she did the day before but i didnt make her do it and round the flat she was sitting on top of me so i couldnt of been forcing her to do it, and she just keeps on saying she sees me as a friend only but shes kissed me a couple of times out of the blue and we cuddle all the time we see each other we have slept in the same bed twice within the last 2 weeks, i have tried to show her pnd and she thinks that cant make her feel so low that it looks or feels like she doesnt love me, but she says her depression has a bearing on the way she behaves in a relationship also all the points i made about pnd she said that she sounds right about me, but she wont get help inssiting that it wont change the way she feels, but i just want us to be a family but cant get her to see that if she got help wat we have been through would look alot less, what do you think??

[Ice.Maiden]

Unsuresi - I've just read both your posts, and it's not easy to see what's happening here, because you're not putting your words into proper sentences. Seems you're both feeling depressed, anyway. Have you seen the doctor about this? Are you working now? Getting a job will boost your self confidence, and also show your partner that you want to get on top of things again. If your partner has pn depression, she maybe needs a bit of help - from her doctor, and from you and the family. Even doing a bit of dusting can seem like a chore if you're feeling low. Hope this helps a bit.

[unsuresi]

The problems with maria and me is that we have both in the past had bad relationships my ex partner who i have 2 kids with cheated on me once with my best mate and i took her back and she done it again with another mate after 8 years of being together,

Maria has had a 7 year relationship which a bloke beat her up a few times, also she is swedish and moved to England straight after walking out on him

since she finished work her best mate has gone to dubui and got married and her other closest mate saw the babe being born and then walked away we worked out it was because she couldnt handle me and maria together because she told maria she liked me before we did get together, her parents live in sweden her sister lives in coventry but is moving to sweden full time next week,

its got bad since the 11th of march because i have ended up in grimsby and shes down in ipswich, i am also a self employed courier but looking for a full time job which fingers crossed i will get one tomorrow, plus then work on my businesses in the evening, which i was trying to do with the money i had from her parents.

i go down every weekend to see the kids and always get up early for the babe in the morning so maria can relax and i always make sure i can get a sitter and we go out just us 2,

maria is saying tht the health visitor has said her taking 2 prozac aday is taking away the pnd, she wont do counciling

and like i say she says she just want to be on her own, and reckons we have been too through too much to find the love we had before the babe was born

but i think you can i dont expect it overnight but in time but its finding a way to get her to get more help

[unsuresi]

the other thing is that i can see a patten but she cant after the bloke tht beat her up, she got with a bloke that had everything but said she fell out of love with him within 3 years and then bloke after tht she was with for 2.5 years and he cheated on her and left her for someone thats not as attactive to maria and she got with me about a year later, i am now concerned about the lil one aswell tht if this keeps on going on theres going to be alot of changes in his life which is not fair on him,

[Ice.Maiden]

Bless you both. Things seem to've happened very quickly. It actually might be a good thing that you've got this separation at the moment, which'll give you a breathing space, and time to reflect on what's been going wrong, and how you might put them right.
Prozac is alright on a temporary basis, but can kill libido. I don't think your partner needs counselling so much, as friends and family to talk to, and who'll support her. It's not easy with a young baby, & the poor woman probably can't see an end to things, what with being short of money, and being apart. I do hope you get that job. If not - take another, even if it's not what you really want. Try and help with looking after the baby when you visit, & let your partner have a rest. You don't need to go out & spend a lot. Your money'd be better being saved, and some going towards the baby's upkeep. x

[unsuresi]

i love her to bits, she went mentle on credit cards wen she split with the bloke before me and my ex made me get watever money i could which landed us in 69 grand of debt, but we sat down and made payment plans out and thats sorted shes helped me go str8 i was into credit card fraud before her but i stopped straight away because she asked me too, do you think you can find the love again??

[unsuresi]

oh i pay for her mobile phone plus always buy the lil one something, the thing tht i find the hardest is because i dont want to get over it because i do love her and because we have had 3/4 bad arguments i dont think that it is enough to split for, none of us have cheated but she just seems so determind to keep it over and try anything to find it but she is sending so many mixed messeages

[Ice.Maiden]

She's just feeling depressed and poorly, hun. You're not going to be able to put things right on your own, but at least you're trying to. She really needs to explain to her doctor about how bad the depression is - even her credit card spending is a symptom of it, and I commend you both for trying to pay off the huge debts. I hope you can stay on the straight and narrow, especially now that you have a young one to think about, but it seems that against the odds, you're doing your best. It's all you CAN do - to build up slowly, in both your personal and working life.

[unsuresi]

thank you for your support, but can i ask you one thing do you think you can find the love if it goes dont you think it can be brought back???

[Ice.Maiden]

If the love was there in the first place, then as things get better, and your partner starts to feel well again, the love can return, but with so much going on in your lives, it might be better for you to continue with your suppport, but work on feeling better about yourself first. If, sadly, it's not meant to be, then at least you'll be in a position to help your little one, and lead by example. The child's needs must come first. If the love's really gone, then you still need to feel better in yourself. Good luck with that job, and hope things turn out well for you.

[banjosister]

Hey unsuresi,

Icey has given you some really good advice there.

Hey Icey, how goes it :)

Is it not at all possible to get employment in Ipswich? I would think even if it is less money, if you could spend more time with Maria and help her with the baby this could also help things between you both.

I would also suggest contacting the Citizens Advice Bureau who will be able to help you with your debts. They will be able to contact your debtors on your behalf and arrange a payment plan that you can afford.

I would suggest counselling for both of you, together and separately. I can recommend it and I have today just arranged another batch for myself! I have found it very helpful during difficult times in my life.

I wish you all well and hope that this will help in some way.

BB xx