cheating

[Kirsten1982]

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. We had problems last year, he was stressed about money etc and he was scared of losing me. I cheated on him quite a few times with this guy I fancied, and he suspected something may have happened but I told him he was being silly and he put it down to him being insecure. I have never told him and I want to but I really don't want to lose him, and I know he will finish me if he finds out. I have now become the one who is insecure and I am constantly asking him for reassurance that he will never hide or keep anything from me! I would be devastated if I ever found out he had betrayed me, but that is awful because I have betrayed him! But I really really don't want us to finish, do I keep this lesson to myself or come clean and lose him?

[Diablod666]

i think you should come clean, and accept that he will break up with you, then you can both move on. i also think you should do it before its too late. its not fair on your boyfriend to keep something from him that you would not want to be kept from you. its the best way forward, you are still young and can move on.

[Yinzer]

Trying not to judge you as I'm sure you have a good heart, but your boyfriend deserves to be with someone who hasn't and won't cheat on him. It is a terrible thing, not just to know about but to ever happen at all. The fact that you did it more than once also indicates you are capable of not just screwing, but also developing a relationship with someone else. My husband has been cheated on in the past and is rather traumatized by it now (always insecure, gets jealous etc) and no he wouldn't be better off never having found out.
2 people in an intimate relationship sort of become eachother's property, and now you're not his anymore.
Whatever you decide to do , do it fully. If you tell then say it and pack your bags and don't call. If you don't tell then NEVER tell and forget it ever happened and love him as best as you know he deserves to be loved.

Sorry, don't mean to rub the guilt in, but that was a pretty F***ed up thing to do.

[Kirsten1982]

I know it was. I am so sorry for it to. If I could turn back time I would never have done it. I love him so much

[Yinzer]

Well something I once heard was along the lines of "It was your mistake, now you suffer (with guilt)... not him" So suffer through the guilt alone if you want to stay with him.
Sure it's a very sticky scenario, but best wishes to you anyway.
Have you made a decision yet?

[El D]

see that is where you are wrong kirsten - if you loved him that much you wouldnt have cheated. its quite simple.

[MuppetBabies]

I would always prefer to know the truth. If you are lying to someone, its as if you do not respect them enough to give them the truth.

You say you don't want to lose what you have, but just take a look at what you two do actually have right now. You are both terribly insecure, and your poor bf is totally unaware that you have been unfaithful to him, on more than one occasion. If you carry on together for the next twenty years, your bf is going to be thinking that your relationship is one thing, when in fact, it is something different entirely - do you really want to deceive him like that? Think about how you would feel - you cannot change the cheating, but you can stop deceiving him NOW. If you keep schtum, you will be deceiving him every moment you are together - maybe I am someone that values truth more than most, but that is an absolutely horrible thought to me. I think it's terribly gutless when people decide not to fess up 'to spare their partners the pain', and 'punish themselves by living with the guilt' - please! You are not doing your partner some big favour by doing this!

I'm trying not to judge - we all mess up. But if I were you, I'd come clean (If I were in your boyfriend's position, I would also want my partner to come clean)- your relationship is a joke while you are engaging in this deception of your boyfriend. You sound like you bitterly regret what has happened, so why go on cheating your boyfriend? I feel bad for you - it's not an easy situation at all, but at the moment, all you have is the imitation of a relationship anyway.

[chris888]

It is terrible when things like this happen.We always seem to hurt the ones we love and you feel terrible about this.What would you do if it was the other way around. do you love him?because if you do you would really care, is this the one for you? would you be able to forgive him?True love is eternal and forgives all wrongs. is this not a test of your love for each other.but to carry that guilt of betrayal is no good for you and is destroying your relationship. be truly sorry and confess its up to you?

[Kirsten1982]

I have since found out he's been lying to me behind my back about other things, not cheating, but things like going to cows houses, smoking pot etc! But I still felt betrayed and it was his friend that told me and he broke down in tears as he felt so bad about it.