Strip clubs........!

[Lorzy Lor]

Hey all! need some advise, hoping someone can help me!!!! So i've been married for 7 years, and have a good relationship with a child of 18 mths. No wanting to sound big headed i think i'm good looking and have got my body back in shape after my little one was born, however, i keep catching my hubby out like finding recipts for strip clubs, only in the last 2 years, and only like 6 times, but its doing my head in!!!! I know there is no reason to feel jealous or upset by it because he is a man, but to be honest, i cant really help but feel like that! Should i just asume he's going there when ever he goes out to stop meself being shocked when i find out he's been? i wish he'd tell me he's been so that i didnt get a suprise when i'm doing the washing etc....! then working out he'd not been honest with me about where he'd been! So basicly i was wondering what i should do, i havent confonted it again, as it just causes arguments, and i cant be bothered! but how can i get even? Thinking about doing two things, firstly taking pole dancing lessions, if you cant bet them, at least be able to do what they can well! And secondly going to the Chipendales and leaving the reciept where he can find it, see how he feels...! Am i being pathetic, should i be worried that he's comparing me to georgeous strippers? What do you think i should do? hellllpppppppppp!!!!!!! Thanks x

[andrea81]

Getting even is just a way of pro-longing mind games, it's not a good thing to start.

Don't know why you can't just talk to him about it and tell him how you feel. I would be ok with my hubby going to strip club if it was an occasion i.e. stag or something, but if it's becoming regular I wouldnt be too pleased!

then again, who is he going with?? Does he have a bunch of mates who are into all this? Men like to follow suit!

[Lorzy Lor]

No i have never been to the chipendales, but i am going to, i dont recon i'll enjoy it but think i'm going to go anyways........

I know i know, he is probably not comparing me to them, but i can help but feel like a doudy house wife now!!!! We hardly ever go out now, where as we used to all the time. It makes me feel inseucre, which he knows. It shouldnt though should it? I should be confident enough in myself for it not to bother me!

It does seem to be just this one guy who he goes away with, i really dont like him, he[s well slimy and full of crap. Trying to make himself feel like the big man all the time!

I would be ok with him going, not particully happy but i just want to know, i've said it to him loads of times, but then this happens. He says that he doesnt like these clubs and doesnt go. Ehhhhh, proof is in the pudding me thinks.

Am deffinantly going to do the pole classes tho!!!

Thanks for your answers....

x

[andy-hughes]

I think andrea's advice is sound.

The issue of your husband visitng strip clubs and your unhapiness is a symptom of something deeper.

It seems the issue is not that he goes, but that you find out, and think he is dishonest, which of course he is.

As far as your insecurity is concerned, you should remember that men do view their sexuality very differently from women.

In the main, women do like an element of relationship in their sexual attraction - men of course do not require any, a fundamental difference between the genders that continues to baffle both sides.

I really would't start getting into a 'competition' scene here - it won;t work, and it's not the issue.

Have a serious calm chat (in a restaurant is usualy good, stops tempers being lost) and explain fully how you feel, and ask him to consider your feelings as he should, instead of behaving like a naughty boy smoking behind the bike sheds.

He is an adult, with responsibilities to you as his partner - he can;t simply go off and be 'one of the boys' if this is causing such distress at home.

Talk it over, and consider Relate counselling for both of you - they are experts at unravelling this kind of problem.

[badboy78]

The one thing in your statement that worries me is that it causes arguments, that suggests either he has something to hide or thinks he has something to hide as you might get jealous.

[ftj001]

No, You are not being pathetic. Try telling him you want to go with him. Have the stripper dance for the both of you mostly him. Don't let him pay her, you do it and tell her what to do (a Little freaky, huh). I've been married for 7 years and I suggested this to my husband and he said he wouldn't feel comfortable going with me. You definately should dance for him its alot of fun. I did that for mine, always wanted to. He cheated on me, so I had to let him know what he had at home. No need to go in the street, you got a freak at home!