My son is marrying an afrigan

[LindyMary]

I don't know who to turn to for help and advice. A few months ago my son met an African girl and pretty quickly they have decided to get married. I have so many worries regarding this and wonder who can give me some advice.
My son is 30 this girl is only 22, she has a baby and wants my son to adopt the baby.
The girl is in this county initially to study, but due to the fact she got pregnant and ran away from the university she was going to she has now lost her permit and is living in a immigration flat.
The girls family have asked for a dowery, I have refused this and my son has fallen out with me about this. My son is a hospital worker on a very low income.
I am concerned that this girl just wants a passport to stay in this country.
Can anyone out there help me.

[ojread2]

He is 30 years old
He may well realise that this girl MAY only want him to be allowed to stay in the UK
you cannot do anything more than let him know you will be there for him IF it all goes wrong.
Support him for now, cut those apron strings and keep your fingers crossed that she is being honest.
you can do no more than that

Best wishes

[ojread2]

PS: You were absolutely right to refuse to pay a dowry BTW

[DrFilth]

look on the bright side if they get wed you could have a cheap holiday staying with the inlaws in africa. lions ,tigers and things

[Hymie]

Clearly, by your own admission this girl is not a gold digger.

If I were in your position, I would be happy for my son, who had found someone to marry, and hopefully spend the rest of their lives together.
It may be that this girl just wants a route to remain in this country, these days I�m not sure that marrying a British citizen is sufficient to qualify for residency.

Tell them both that dowry payments are no longer paid in the UK � but if you want to keep them happy, see if your local Western Union money transfer can arrange for her family to receive a goat & a couple of chickens.

[mightyWBA]

Oh an African!
I thought another bit of Yugoslavia had broken away or something.
By the way Dr.Filth, a Tiger.......in Africa!!

Of course shes after a passport.

[DrFilth]

mightyWBA big snake, a very big snake and a bg hairy spider

[jno]

dowries are traditionally paid by the bride's family to the groom's family, so you might like to point this out to her. I am sure she will apologise for this misunderstanding and get her parents to offer you one.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dowry

[beejay1124]

thank yourself lucky she's not a man utd supporter--or is she..........

[luckyfish]

doweries are traditional in africa & they're getting married in the UK. if i were you i wouldn't pay it - i'm sure they won't be doing the traditional thing with the parents of the bride paying for the wedding!!!!

[tw@t]

is it cos she is black innit?

[DrFilth]

if she is a baggie the mightyWBA might take her to the match

[mightyWBA]

Only if shes a decent centre half

[Hymie]

I think Tw@ts analysis is correct

[Finance Guy]

http://www.travour.com/weddings/world-wedding- traditions/african-wedding-traditions.html

http://www.africaguide.com/embassy.htm

home office advice line: 0845 010 5200

[themas]

Does the fact she is living in an immigration flat (I've never heard of such a thing) mean she is awaiting deportation? If not, how come she is there, as it seems from what you say she has no present legal basis for her being in UK?

If she is marrying to get a passport they should be aware getting one is not an easy quick or straightforward process. In most cases the spouse has to apply from outside the UK for permission to enter as a spouse. This - if granted - is for a limited period & permanent residency can only be obtained several years (I think it is at least 2 yrs) later - & depends on the state of the marriage at that time. Also, her child would be a problem unless your son does adopt him/her, or unless the child has British citizenship (probably depends who the father is).

Go here:

http://www.ind.homeoffice.gov.uk/

You will have to search around but should be able to find info. on the spouse situation & maybe the child.

In my view, you should not provide a dowry. If you wish, you could probably find out from the Embassy of her home country (address & contact details should be on the net) whether provision of dowries by the bridegroom's parents is normal practice in her country.

[Marg0]

It may be love.

Having worked in africa a lot I saw a lot of this going on however, single western males are golddust down there. Imagine the choices: face a life of poverty, near starvation, corruption and possibly early death: or a life in the West with all that entails. I wouldn't blame ANYONE for seeking a way out of this in such a way, but it is so likely to be the original motive for her actions that it has to be the default assumption, sadly. You have to point this out to him in the clearest terms, for his own sake. So likely that his eyes will open 2 years in, when it's time enough for her, and too late for him.
Be brutally honest, you gotta be here.