alan hansen

[bobtheturkey]

if you committed a heinous crime which had not been made public yet but was sure to be would you come out and admit it in an attempt to lessen the vitriol sure to be slung your way? or keep your head down and say nothing?
looking at alan hansen tonight im not sure i could be as professional as he is being

[cazzz1975]

you sound like newsdesk

[dot.hawkes]

am I in a time warp?

[bobtheturkey]

glad you can all be so nonchalant about it

[cazzz1975]

yes I can be because Im convinced that the paper clarion got his info from was "the weekly world news"

http://www.extrememortman.com/wp-content/uploa ds/2007/11/Elvis%20Presley%202008%20Weekly%20W orld%20News%20president.JPG

[sir.prize]

bobtheturkey � Along with clarion, you seem to have an unhealthy opinion of Alan Hansen, bordering on a fixation. The reason he appears to be professional on TV is because HE IS PROFESSIONAL. This �attack� on the BBC pundit has been rolling on for many months now � without being substantiated. If you want to really know about the man, have a look at this . . .

The first sightings of Hansen were said to be around 37AD, when he invented football. It is said that he is such a football genius, his brain is the shape of a football. Nowadays the person people think is the one and only Hansen, is actually a robot, hence why he never gets older, and why he always says the same thing (Liverpool and Chelsea defending sensational, the rest appalling). Hansen was built by Gary Lineker, very poorly. Evidence of Lineker's care and consideration for his good friend the robot still exists in his forehead, when Lineker decided to build him with an axe. To this day the honest Lineker tells him it was the last stage in assembling The Hansenator v.1.0 together before he awoke, with a needle and some stitches. Hansen is president of the Scottish Owl Preservation Society (SOPS) and as a player once missed a major football tournament due to owl related injuries. It has been rumoured Hansen's obsessional owl-fancying tendencies have led to spells of therapy in the Sporting Chance Clinic. Hansen himself has always refused to comment publicly on such rumours. However rumours persist of a set of polaroid snaps of an inebriated Hansen in 'compromising positions' with Tawny and Barn Owls taken at the BBC's Christmas party 2004.

Steven Gerrard is Alan Hansen's illegitimate love child. Gerrard's mother was president of the Merseyside Owl Observation Society of Ellesmere (MOOSE). Gerrard is rumoured to have been conceived after a late night fumble in a bird hide near Crosby during Hansen's playing days at Cesspoool.

And finally . . . Hansen CAN

[cazzz1975]

well now you have said it sir.prize it all makes sense, it also explains why gerrard panics in the penalty area