Jokes... whats your favourite??

[happyjo]

I have a really funny one. Its a bit rude... so will post mine after I have seen all you lurvly ab'ers favourites.

J xxx

[Jillius]

My favourite one is the KFC one but I have posted it on here before and it got banned !!

[Panic Button]

Yeah, I have a filthy one I posted in jokes.

Ed banned it, but I bet she laughed.

[unrulyjulie]

This is my favourite, hope you like it as much as i do !

man comes home to find a parcel waiting for him,. when he opens it up he discovers the new olympic condoms that he ordered a few weeks before. He got all excited at the thought of wearing one that evening and said to his wife, "my darling, tonight i am going to make love to you and i am going to wear the gold condom, when i do it"
To which his wife replied, " i tell ya what darling, why don't you wear the silver one and come second for a f******g change" ?

[Jillius]

Brilliant !!!! :-)

[mightyWBA]

A bloke from Dudley goes into a jewellers.

"Worrow aer kid ow bin ya?" asks the jeweller

"I ay appy,me dogs drapped dahn jed,cud yow mek us a statue ov im aht of gold so ar con rememba me old mukka" says the customer

"18 carat?"

"Nah ya saft sod,chewin a boon!"

I've posted this joke before but you have to have a Black Country accent for it to work !

[happyjo]

lol julie!!!




Here is mine.. no offence intended ( in advance)


A lady goes into hospital for a virginal tuck. When she wakes up from the aneasthetic she sees 3 bunches of flowers on the window sill.

the first is from the surgeon, the card reads, " the procedure went very well, you will make a full recovery"

The second was from her husband, which read " I think you are very brave and cant wait to get you home"


The last was from tommy in the burns unit, it read " thanks for my new ears"


sorry... i know its bad, but made me laugh.

[BillySugger]

I posted this in jokes earlier but it got no reaction , maybe none of you go there? but I think it's a classic so here we go again.............Ronaldo visits his doctor & says " doc, i've got a problem. Every time i look at myself in the mirror, i get sexually aroused"

doc says "i'm not suprised...........You're a c**t"

[happyjo]

lol billy

[hippyhoppy]

LOL at Jules - you're a gag!!

[Panic Button]

Oh OK, here it is:



Picture the foyer of an expensive hotel.

The door opens and in come a bride and groom, fresh from their wedding reception. She looks radiant and gorgeous in her beautiful white dress.

They ask for the honeymoon suite, but the receptionist looks worried and goes to get the head receptionist.
The head receptioist comes to the desk and says 'Did you ask for the honeymoon suite?'

'Yes' they reply

She looks flustered and asks 'Do you have any reservations?'

The bride blushes and says 'well since you ask, I'm really not too sure about taking it up the a***'

[raysparx1]

Love this one.

A man goes to his doctor for an annual check up.

The doctor says "I'll need you to come back tomorrow with a urine sample, a poo sample and a sperm sample".

The man replies "Right doctor, I'll bring'em in tomorrow"

When he gets home his wife askes "Well what did he say ?"

The man replies "He needs me to bring in a pair of your knickers."

[China Doll]

What's the difference between God and a Consultant?
God doesn't think he's a Consultant.

In my line of work, this is not known as a great ice-breaker however true it may be.