I have hazel eyes and my fiance has blue eyes but our son has brown eyes. My partners mum has brown eyes but brown eyes are 2 generations back in my family? why has our son got brown eyes?
Please have a word with your support network. I think that you are right in identifying your fixation about his eye-colour as part of a larger problem.
However, you seem to be willing to acknowledge that there is a problem and that is a hopefull sign.