To date or not to date

[KittyGlitter]

How many meetings do you think it takes, to find out if a relationship with someone who you've only met briefly once before, is worth pursuing? I already have doubts about whether to meet him or not.

[racheltje]

Kitty, I'm in the same position! I met a guy briefly once and now he wants to go on a date. I think I should go because I haven't got anything to lose but on the other hand I really can't be bothered to go out for a whole evening with this guy and do the whole polite chat thing.

Sorry i haven't answered your question but i'll be interested to see what other people answer.

[KittyGlitter]

Thanks racheltje, nice to know I'm not alone! I'm not sure if I'm being paranoid or if its my gut instinct telling me not to meet him. He seemed quite full on you see, which has put me off.

[racheltje]

Same here! I should be pleased he likes me but if someones full-on it puts me off too.

[spiff]

I too am in a similar position!! I met a girl a few days ago and i'm wondering if i'm doing the right thing. I think it maybe depends upon the circumstances in which you met him. For example, was he a "friend of a friend", were you both drunk etc... My advice is ....go out with him for a drink/meal/whatever and then at least you'll be able to decide with more information. That's what i'm going to do anyway!!! Hope it all goes well. Take care. xx

[landie]

One. But that can be one too many.

[originalspa]

If you're having doubts now and he's full on, you've already made your decision!

I'd only meet someone if I really like them and want to know more about them and if we get on and it's worth pursuing great, if not at least I've taken the chance to find out!
Good luck whatever you do!

[bernardo]

It can be anything between 1 and 8537.

[jimmer]

not sure what you are getting at.  how do you know he doesn't just want a date and a bit of fun? why are you considering relationships when you've only just met him? does he know you are considering a date as a long term gambit? try and lighten up and go with the flow for gods sake.

 

jim

[KittyGlitter]

I used the term relationship lightly, I didn't mean I am considering an actual relationship. Of course I don't know what he wants, how can I know. To make it clearer for you, all I was wondering, is how many meetings does it take with someone to know if you want to see them again, regardless of whether it be for fun or something serious. I am thinking once is enough?

[dirtyharriet]

I'd say it was.
Personally I have learned to use my first instinct about people regarding relationships. Although I have heard of people who didn't like or hated each other at first then got together and lived happily ever after.

What is it you are having doubts about? Whether you find him attractive or whether you want to meet up for a casual drink full stop?

[KittyGlitter]

My doubts are whether to meet him casually full stop. He was so flirty and full-on, I'm not sure whether he was being sleazy or if it was genuine. I kind of decided not to bother, but all my friends were telling me to give him a second chance which confused me! But I guess, they weren't there to know how he made me feel? On the other hand, I don't like to pass too much judgement from a single brief encounter.

[dirtyharriet]

If you'd decided not to bother until your friends tried to change your mind, I'd go with your original decision.
It's up to you who you date and your friends should respect this.
I'm slightly confused as to what you meant when you said your friends weren't there to know how he made you feel, what was it that you felt? If he made you feel at all uncomfortable or uneasy, I'd avoid him. Trust your instincts.

[KittyGlitter]

Thanks for your answer dirtyharriet. When I said my friends weren't there to know how he made me feel, I mean that they weren't with me at the time I met him, so they don't know how he came across or whether this guy made me feel comfortable or not. So it's easy for them to say do this or that, because they don't have to deal with the consequences. Friends want the best for you but perhaps they aren't always the best people to give advice?! Sometimes I think your gut instinct tells you stuff that only you understand?