German law on child visitation

[obNOXious]

Hi does anyone know the relevant legal status of visiting children born in Britain, now resident in Germany with their British born mother and her German partner. My ex is pregnant by him and the kids appear happy enough but I am being told ( by him mostly) that they don't want to see me and that until they do he won't allow me to ' force the matter' with ' HIS family'.
In fairness the once I did visit, my daughter was very anti me being there and she calls him Dad. I appreciate that i've got things wrong in the past but not being able to communicate ( she's not opening my emails etc) is only making a bad situation worse, and much as I don't want to go to court because my ex and I have always been able to remain cool and not need intervention of that sort, since this bloke has been on the scene she seems to have retreated and is allowing him to deal with it. I did try to say that it was nothing whatsoever to do with him and that I'd only speak to my ex, but he said ' well you'll wait a long time then because she doesn't want to speak to you either, deal with me or no-one.'
I'm frankly very inclined just to go over there and kick his head in at the moment, I'm so frustrated, but just wondered if anyone knew how the German courts might view an application for me to visit my children, if he's managed to get at them and turn them against me.
Any help gratefully recieved.

[bednobs]

i don't think it would be german courts you have to apply to, it would be the english courts. Its a horrible situation, but you don't know the full facts - the stepdad may have been nothing but nice about you, and it could be the ex that is poisonng them. ALternately, if they are old enough, they may have reached these conclusions on their own.
How old are they? the stepdad is most probably right saying he dosent feel he can force them to like you/want you to visit, if they are of an age they can decide things themselves.

did you give permission for them to go abroad in the first place? What steps have you had in place to see them since then?

[Rosetta]

I think you are going to need to see a solicitor with knowledge of family law so that you can found out your options.
This no way means you have to go down the legal route if you dont want to but it may make things clearer for you if you know what is involved.
The step father isnt a member of the British Services by any chance?

[obNOXious]

Hi thanks for the replies.
When my ex and I split I was having a lot of problems and I quite happily agreed that she could have full residential custody of the kids and signed an acknowledgement to that effect so that she'd have no issues with taking them out of the country etc ( she works in film so frequently travels abroad with them and so on anyway) or whatever she wanted to do.
Most of this problem is my fault, I'm not running away from that, as I just disappeared from my kids life for over a year whilst I sorted out my problems both medical and psychological.
I don't think my ex wife is poisoning them against me for a moment, my daughter is ten and a very worldly ten at that and quite capable of making her own decision on the matter and not a child who would be easily bullied by anyone in any event.I think though because she's obviously told her new man about my somewhat dodgey past that he thinks I'm some sort of psycho whose some mega threat to her and the kids, which is really not the case at all.
The problem seems to be that my ex is pregnant with twins at the moment and doesn't feel able to deal with the added hassle of me wanting to see the kids and my daughter not being willing, so she seems to have shoved all the making of arrangements over to her German boyfriend, who, possibly fair enough, sees me as nothing but a problem and a threat to their peace and quiet.
I visited them a little while ago and both my wife and the new man were reasonably welcoming, polite anyway, so I think the issue is possibly more with my daughter (10) than them if I keep a cool head about it, but in order to be heard by my daughter I do need their co-operation and assistance to some degree and I'm reallly not getting it.

[obNOXious]

I did what a lot of people on here suggested and wrote mails, telephoned her etc, but now I've got this man saying that I'm 'harassing' his family and making 'HIS' wife feel ill.
My main problem is really how to get a sensible dialogue going whereby they don't feel I'm just doing it to be awkward and equally it opens things up for a positive turn of events with my daughter.
I'm loathe to go to court because my ex and I have always at least managed to keep things calm and civil but iIm not sure where I can go from here to be honest, especially since this German guy seems hell bent on acting as if they are his kids with me being totally excluded. He encourages them to call him Papa and is generally just out to cement them as a family unit, since theyre rewarded for speaking German at home (my two year old refers to everything in German, and my ten year old is pretty damned fluent considering) and he will introduce them to people as his daughters.
In one way I'm thankful he's accepting of them, but it;s really causing havoc with trying to maintain any place in their life.

[Rosetta]

Its a really difficult situation all round and it may well take time and a lot of diplomacy to work through. <br /> Is there someone in the family that you both trust that could help you open up lines of communication.? <br /> I believe there are mediation services in this country. Is there anything similar that could be utilised in Germany? <br /> Have you written to your ex and her partner, acknowledging that you made mistakes but want the children to know their father and that they havent been abandoned as they grow up. Perhaps you could ask her if she has any ideas. <br /> These are only some ideas, but you need to think about your course of action carefully as it sounds like they might dig their heels in. I am sorry, I dont think there are any easy answers. <br /> Good luck. <br /> <br />

[obNOXious]

well initially rosetta , although she wasn't thrilled to see me, my ex said she'd try to smooth the way for me with my daughter. The problem is I think that my daughter is very like me, utterly strong willed and very stubbourn and I think she has said to the new man that she flat doesn't want to speak to me. This I can understand, as my being absent must have been very hurtful to her as we were previously very close, but in order to make her ealise how sorry I am, I have to be able to mail and call otherwise it's as if I've abandoned her all lover again, but my ex's new man sees this a invasive to his family and it's now getting to the point where I think we'll really square up to one another if we ever meet again.
My wife's mother and I got on very well, I might go and see her and see if she has any bright ideas on the subject, as I'd rather not escalate things if at all ppossible, but at the same time, I feel in danger of being sidelined straight out of my kids lives.

[Rosetta]

Good idea. I think you are right at the moment using a softly softly approach.
I am sure you are doing, but when you write to your daughter keep it light and newsy.
Will you let us know how you get on.