I hate life so ducking much!

[ChocolatChip]

It's just not fair. My family had organised for us (My mum, dad, boyfriend and nan.) to go away for a few days to the cottage we have in france. And my boyfriend turned his nose up and said that he has college interviews on one of those days, and he can't go. Now, I'm sure he could get another day, as I'm sure the college have had this problem plenty of times. But he's just using it for an excuse for not going. I have had an extremely rough year, and we went for a 'relaxing' holiday in march to help me. But I was seriously ill for 4 days out of the 7. So it didn't feel like a holiday at all. All I want to do is go away with him. But I doubt he's gonna budge. I have anxiety issues, and going without him would be almost impossible for me. I don't think he realises how much i need to go, and how much i need of rhim to go too. And my parents are always waiting for an excuse to say dump him, and obviously this is a perfect excuse. Why can't it just be easy!?

[Whoever]

Life is never easy I'm afraid. Could it be possible that you are rather too dependent on your boyfriend and he is finding it difficult to cope with your "neediness?". It's a hard question, but if he doesnt want to, or can't come, life can still go on without him. In fact, it may do you some good to have some time apart. Your parents obviously don't think he's good enough for you. Perhaps they may be right. Whatever happens, don't let your relationship with him alienate you from the rest of your family, who may be the ones you need to rely on after your boyfriend has possibly dumped you. You say you have anxiety issues, but you will not be alone on holiday. Other members of your family will be there around you. Go anyway and try to put your boyfriend out of your mind for a few days. It may help you to gain a different perspective issue on life.

[MrBen5]

Hmmm, i will go with you if you want...

[Jafi]

Does he know how your parents feel towards him?
That could be the reason as to why he doesn't want to spend a few days away with them.

I would just go anyway, it's not as if you'll be on your own, your parents and gran will be there for you and you do admit yourself you need a break.

[bednobs]

i cant think of anything worse than going away with my husbands family. your boyfriend wants to go to his college interview and is probabaly nervous enough about it. TBH my immediate thoughts are that i feel a bit sorry for him. If you think a few days in france are going to be the solving of your problems, you aare probably mistaken, in fact going away seems to provoke more stress. Why cant you go without him? If you are that dependent on him then maybe going without him might give him a good break. Poor bloke - imagine having your life mapped out by your girlfriend and her family! if your family organised the holiday and expected hi to come, why didnt they ask him if he was free?

Anyway, i too rely on my husband for a lot of things, being disabled and i hope to be with him forever, so have to let things go occaisionally! Or get on on my own so he dosent get ****** off with me asking him to help. i presume YOU want to be with your b/f so occaisionally let him have his own way!

[Velvetee]

Maybe he just finds your anxiety issues too overwhelming and cannot face spending time with you where he cannot "escape". You should probably ask him outright. There is no point forcing him to go on a holiday he really doesn't want. If you do, then you will both have an awful time.

[figure]

I am familiar with your situation because I�ve read of your past problems. If you don�t begin helping yourself things will not change and become better for you. Don�t you like to feel independent and less burdensome on others?
You need to thinking positive and bill up confidence so you could start relying on yourself and not so much on your boyfriend. Why can you go without your boyfriend and make use of this opportunity to start learning to stand on your own two feet. Don't you think sometimes you might be burdening your boyfriend when you become so reliant on him?

Life is what we make of it and is never easy for most of us. Everyone has to go through their own trials and tribulations in their own way. With determination and ambition most succeed.

[ChocolatChip]

I tend to get very stressed and panicky when I have to go out without him, let alone going away without him. I have no problem with him going away and me staying at home, which he does occasionally. He goes out a lot (at least 3 times a week) without me. Just so long as I home I don't mind.
I get very scared going out with anyone, and will have panic attacks and tantrums and cry and scream if I'm made to go out without him. I really can't cope, it's terrifying!
My parents will tell him outright what they think of him, which I hate, and I tend to tell them to go away unless they have something nice to say. I'm very protective of him, especially when it comes to my family, and certain friends.
The holiday was a sudden idea, since they were planning to go, and were booking flights for my nan to go out and thought it would be good for all of us to go. They haven't booked the flights or anything yet, since he said he didn't want to go.
I've spent forever trying to sort myself out, go out and be happy, but it isn't possible, not at the moment anyway. I have become seriously depressed, and won't leave the house for weeks at a time.
I can't get any help, for at least a month, due to the wonderful backlog of the NHS, and my family can't afford to paid for someone.
I think I could burden him a lot more too be honest, I could stop him from going out, and even when he is home, he's normally playing video games while I'm cleaning or reading or on here etc.

[pastafreak]

I admit that I have not read all of the above answers.....but I know my feelings are similar to those I did read.....also-My immediate thought was :please give your boyfriend credit for putting his(and maybe yours)future ahead of a short break in France. True -the college has probably delt many times with prospective students putting off or canceling an interview. But honestly-that is not the way to make a good impression....AND-if he does put his education first-don't you think THAT will make your parents see him in a positive light??? If life was easy-we would all get bored and try to find ways to complicate it!!

[ChocolatChip]

Thanks pastafreak for putting a different side of things.
It's just really difficult to see that kinda side when you feel the way I do. I just want everyone to listen to me and do what I want. I think I have a 'terrible twos' kinda syndrome.
I know I'm putting terrible pressure on him that way. I've already told him that he doesn't have to go, and I'm not gonna go either. Whatever anyone says like 'go you'll enjoy it' But I know inside of me that I can't enjoy it. Because I'd be alone. (He's the only person who makes me feel like he's keeping me on the edge) And I worry that if he's not nearby, then I'm gonna do something stupid.
I've been going mad as of lately, wanting to more than cutting myself more than a little.
I wish someone would section me, so I was away from temptation. And give me sleeping pill so I didn't have to ever get up and worry about every little thing.

[bednobs]

its really difficult, but if you are this anxious about it all, and cant go out of the house without him, i cant see why you set so much store by "needing" a holiday. Surely going away will increase you anxiety, with or without him. You are getting things out of proportion and making a few days in france into something that is going to make you feel so much better, when in reality i cant see how it will

[MiniN]

ChocolatChip, it sounds like this holiday will be too stressful for you even if your biyfriend did decide to go. I also empathisise with your boyfriend. It seems like he 'puts up' with a lot from you and your family and I can understand him wanting to put his education first and not be tied to your family.

It sounds like you need immediate professional help. Can you discuss how your feeling with your gp?

[Whoever]

I do sympathise with your anxiety/panic attacks, but I feel even more sorry for your boyfriend, especially when you say you have tantrums and cry and scream if you have to go out without him. Poor lad! I suspect you are both quite young, and he obviously can't deal with your neediness and inability to be on your own. I am sure that sooner or later he will simply "flip" and walk away because he cannot cope emotionally with your needs. He is not married to you and yet already at your young age you seem to try trying to chain him down and hem him in. . Please do try and let him have some freedom to make his own decisions. His college future is important, and the harsh reality is that you may not figure in his long term future at all. The more you try to hem him in emotionally, the more, I fear you will suffer when he eventually decides to let go if he tries to look into the future and sees another thirty or forty years ahead of him, with you still having panic and anxiety attacks. Go down to your local library and get some books on self help and confidence building. Don't rely on the NHS. The more you are involved yourself in trying to sort out your own problems, the more power you will have to turn your situation around.

[ChocolatChip]

You mis-read what I said whoever. I said when I have to go out without him. And I don't really have tantrums at him, mostly at my parents. Really. Maybe that's worse.
You don't understand how much I need him though, I don't hold him down, and if he chose to walk then I would let him. But In fact it is quite the other way, he quite often says he's worried I'M going to walk out on him, and he never wants me to leave him. I'm 18 and he's soon to be 23.
We have decided now anyway that we're not going away so he can go to his college interview, and Once I'm calmed down I don't mind at all. I think I need a break from my family more than anything right now. They're being very hostile and making life very difficult.
He is going down to london for a couple of days alone. To get away from them. And as I keep saying, as long as I don't have to go anywhere I don't mind him going.
Unfortunately, there is no such thing as immediate (mental health) medical help in this country. I have waited over 4 months for CBT and I have an appointment in late august.
I am on anti-depressants, although I'm still trying to find the right ones that suit my needs. So my mood is very up and down.
For example I was in a terrible state yesterday. Yet today I have been out with my boyfriend to the cinema and for a snack and there was no hitches. It was a lovely lovely day. And we both enjoyed the private time we had together.

[ChocolatChip]

I feel like I've read every book, listened and read every tip, been on diets to control excess sugars and carbs to reduce my chances of panic attacks. And, yes I'm having less panic attacks, but I am going out much less. I don't work, except in my family's business one day a week, which I do with my boyfriend. (Of which I didn't decide)
I know he puts up with a lot. And I appreciate that, I really do, even I wonder why he puts up with.
He tells me everyday that he loves me and he has no intentions of leaving, and I truly believe him.
As I said, he is normally the one asking if I'm leaving him. And cries as he does. Unless it's a little game, which I doubt it is... to have a grown man cry. Then he doesn't want to leave me, and neither do i him.

[ChocolatChip]

Sorry, the top bit I meant to delete as I realised that I had mis-read you wrong.

[pastafreak]

Read " Hope and Help For Your Nerves" by Dr Claire Weekes-it is a classic,with very practical advice about dealing with panic attacks and anxiety......good luck x

[Tups]

Dear ChocolatChip (What a lovely, comfy name) I'm the mum of a 22 year old daughter who has put me through Hell with her depression. When she was 15, her father suddenly died (2 weeks before she took her GCSEs). Her world fell apart and so did mine, but she could only see what was happening to her. She became dependent on a dreadful man who was eventually put in prison for the way he treated her. I am not suggesting for one moment that your boyfriend is dreadful. On the contrary, he sounds extremely tolerant and patient. What I'm saying is that I can see what depression does to people. My daughter would lie in bed for a week at a time, refusing to eat or drink. We had terrible rows. She said she hated me and would rather stare at the wall than look at me. I hurt so much, I eventually had a heart attack!

Your parents must be hurting very much too. It's a tough job, being a parent and we don't always get things right. But whatever they say and do is out of love for you. One day you will realise just how much they love you and desperately want you to be happy. They will be looking at your situation both with logic; something you are not capable of at the moment and with love.

Being on anti depressents just made my daughter worse. She finally began to come out of her depression after I placed a books on her pillow on Self Esteem. I will find out the name of the book and post it here.

Meanwhile, keep talking to others but try not to wallow in self-pity; it's destructive. Count whatt blessings you have every day. And there will be some to count. Don't lose sight of them. And remember your poor parents. They need to see their daughter back to full health. Don't put them through the Hell I went through. My daughter and I are very close now and she is devastated by the memories of the way she used to treat me. Unfortunately, I had to have a heart attack first but, to tell the truth, it was worth

[ChocolatChip]

Thank you for that kind and thoughtful insight Tups.
It must've been awful for both of you. And I am extremely fortunate to have not gone through such an experience of which you and your daughter went through.
I can understand how difficult it is 'losing' a child in a mental state. And I can see it happening between me and my mother. It seems like she tries to help sometimes, and I'm sure she tries hard. But its not what I want, I can't be fixed by someone else in that way, not someone as close as a mother.
Deep down no matter what anyone does, I constantly feel alone and very withdrawn from every one. I now feel like it isn't possible to fit back in.
I never row with my mum, and I treat her with respect, but along with most of my family (apart from my aunt and boyfriend) I try to avoid emotional contact with anyone. As I feel like I don't want to know anyone anymore. It hurts too much to know anyone.
If I could just hide away from everything and everyone I could.
I really hate life. And there doesn't feel like theres anything I can do anymore.