Why is it that...

[karmgirl]

I have an abortion - one of the main reasons being not being able to afford or put a roof over babys head - but people are now telling jaideybaby that money doesn't matter and as long as there is love and affection you'll be fine.

[4getmenot]

but jaideybaby wants all the mod cons etc. Thats the difference you just wanted a life for your baby and if I remember the dad wasnt going to stick around was he either. Jaideybaby is planning ahead I often think how will I be able to afford a baby. Whereas you made the right decision at the time. Yes they need love and affection but you still need to able to afford food, clothes. even sometimes the mummies with all the money in the world though should never have children.

[redcrx]

karmgirl.

Please stop dwelling on the past, its done now, and "what ifs" and hindsight are not able to help change what happened.

And OK some have told her all baby needs is love etc, and thats right, but a parent whos stretched to the limit with money and all the added stresses that being broke comes with is going to be struggling somewhere.

You made the right decision at the time, if it wasnt then you would not have taken that choice. x

[redcrx]

i know of someone who can barely afford to live, her hubby works and they have 2 children. her answer is to have another child because the rate of Tax credit is higher for babies under the age of 1. Is that really going to help her?

[karmgirl]

OK but is so annoying when people say that 'when you have a baby u manage because you just have to so you find a way'

Thats like they're saying I didn't try hard enough to manage for my baby.

But yes, the father wasn't going to stick around.

[4getmenot]

Well then I think you did the right thing. I don�t think I could ever bring a baby up on my own no matter how much help I had from family and freinds

[karmgirl]

ok thanks xxx

[4getmenot]

Love is all the baby needs but I think you showed more love not bringing that baby into the world in which you knew wouldn�t be right for it.

[karmgirl]

excuse me but how about u butt out of my post if u can't say anyhting helpful

[karmgirl]

ok thanks...I need the reassurance every now and again.

Sorry to be a pain.

xxx

[redcrx]

well thats true, you do have to find a way. Not everyone does though, look how many neglected children there are in the world and the effect it has on them as they grow up.

But think how much easier it will be with the support of a partner (familes are great but they cant be there 24/7) and some financial stability.

[redcrx]

karmgirl youre not a pain, insecurity effects us all in different areas of life. You just need to know that you made right decision at the time.

[fideldyfee]

Everyone's different karmgirl, you did the right thing. It's about you and how you feel. Doesn't matter what other people think. Just beacause it might be right for jaidybaby doesnt mean it would have been right for you. x

[karmgirl]

yes thats true. I just need reminding of this xxx

[redcrx]

karmgirl,

this isnt a hint for you to leave here but take a look at this site as well http://messageboards.ivillage.co.uk/iv-ukrlhap py

It may help you to get some other replies hun

Dont leave us though lol

[jno]

I'm not too sure the advice jaideybaby got was right - bringing up a baby on no money is very hard work indeed. I wish her luck but in your situation I suspect I'd have done the same as you did, not as she's been advised to do.

It's not wrong to dwell on what you did but you will have to learn to deal with it. Like everything else that has happened to you in your life, it's past and all you can do now is learn from it; you can't change it.

[daisycup]

what's done is done. I think you should stop thinking about it all the time and look to the future. Circumstances are different for everyone.

[MiniN]

karmgirl, it is true that you do find a way to make do when you have a baby, but 'making do' is not always an option.

There are millions why babies are brought in to this world and millions of reasons why they are not. try not to compare your situation to everyone else's. you did the right thing for you at the time, otherwise you would not have done it. I'm sure some offhand comment from a stranger about money would not have changed your mind.

Try to look forwards not back. x

[fingernail]

yes because there is a state benefits system. All the immigrants claim it so why cant we?