My 11yr old daughter driving me mad!!!

[smudge742]

She always wants something to do, despite having a playstation and own tv etc, she has friends that live near us, so she can go out with them when she wants. I have two other children, and with one of them being only 1, it's difficult to just do what suits my daughter. If I take her out, and do what she wants, everything is fine, until I do something for one of the other kids, as long as everyone jumps to her tune she is fine....god help us if we don't!!! We have tried all sorts of discipline but still not getting anywhere. This morning she told me to leave my baby son alone after I'd told him off (not loudly!) and she never makes to make me feel inadequate and useless (just like her dad did, my ex) she always seems to be so selfish, and I don't understand why. If I don't 'please' her, she makes our life a misery, we don't have endless pots of cash, and after a couple of outings, we are running low, but this isn't good enough for her either. Sorry to go on, but I have just about had enough!! She say she wants to be treated as a grown up, but as I have already told her, she needs to act like one first. Sometimes she is really good, but it never lasts long, she's a total jekyll and hyde. It also appears to be my fault that it is raining!!!! She is almost 12, and everything I suggest is 'babyish', she'd only be happy if I took her into town and handed her loads of cash, which unless I rob a bank isn't going to happen! Please help, before I go insane!!!!

[Sachs]

smudge - Stop the blackmail NOW! You're doing her no favours. Sorry to seem harsh. You need to have 'constant' discipline going. I know it's not easy. If you EVER give in once, she knows if she trys long enough you'll cave in. You have to be tough starting now!! It's going to be a rough ride believe me, but in the end it wil kick in. Don't give in for the simple life, do it now! If you can detach yourself mentally amid the chaos, do it, if you need to wear earplugs do it.

[stonekicker]

i have sympathy for you, smudge, as difficult children are a nightmare and do send you insane fairly quickly! it sounds like you may have made a rod for your own back by giving in in the past or accommodating her due to home circumstances (i.e. during divorce/seperation, new relationship and siblings etc.). so, now it is time for tough love. that includes being firm, consistent and laying down new rules for behaviour - and punishing her if she does not behave well. she is 11, so is capable of not being a brat if she wants to.

smacking and shouting do not work (and only foster nasty thoughts/feelings in the child!) so you will have to think of other ways like no pocket money, no treats, no time/attention when she behaves badly (positive praise and attention should be given when she behaves appropriately) and maybe removing things from her room that she values (like the tv etc. - my mum did this to me and it drove me nuts but made me behave myself).

your daughter will resist and play up at first to continue to try and get her own way, but explain to her what is happening, be firm and consistent - and if you have a paartner, they must also sing off the same song sheet too and back you all the way. at the end of the day, you are the adult - assert your authority and look like you mean it. new, firm but fair mummy must be in charge! good luck (and it is lots of work, but worth it in the long run!) x

[coke71]

Welcome to the world of the TWEENAGER!!!!!

my daughter is 11 and exactly the same. i'm afraid it's the start of the hormones. whenever my girl starts 2 go in2 one of her moods i take a very deep breath and try and remember how the world and everything around me felt when i was just coming in to my teens.

it dosn't last forever only the next 5-8 yrs or so ;)

good luck

[scotgal]

Let her read this smudge, maybe it will appeal to abetter nature but it might let her see that being a grown up isn't all it's cracked up to be either! My days of being a parent of teens are well over but I remember-my daughter was a nightmare but my son was much more grounded maybe cos he was very sporty-allhis spare time was taken up with football and golf but Jackie was always bored joining clubs etc and not lasting at any of them and only happy when spending money (mine) on herself. However if any consolation it will pass (eventually) though I wish I could wave a magic wand for you and make it better.

[lilacben]

Our 11 year old granddaughter is just the same. She has two younger sisters 8 and 5 and a brother 2 and half. Mu daughter is having terrible trouble with her. My daughter is strict but my granddaughter couldnt care less.My daughter says she cannot go out and the next thing is you see her going up the road. What tell me are you supposed to do.? It is all very well people saying be strict,I wouldnt let them get away with it.But how do you stop them. Today you cannot do anything to a child without the dread and treat of being reported.!! This world has gone mad and it will only get worse unless rules and tighter control is bought back,including in schools.