Doctors & Confidentiality

[jan7]

Hi,

 When I was younger I got pregnant & lost the baby & had to go to the hospital to have it removed..

I have just found out I am pregnant again and will be visiting the doctors for the first time with my partner of 4 years...What I want to know is, is the doctor allowed to bring up what happened to me in my past infront of my partner?

If the doctors asked me if I had been pregnant before.. I would have to say NO as my partner is not aware of this and he doesn't need to know either as it's something that happened way before I ever met him.

I'm so worried that the doctor will bring it up.. Would he?

[Morrisonker]

I think you might be best going without your partner.  If you've lost a baby before there's a chance it could happen again and the doctor needs to know this.  I dare say the Dr. will have your medical records but unless he/she knows not to mention the previous miscarriage when they'll probably bring it up. 

If you're having a child with your new partner, you might consider tellig him, I'm sure there's a good reason that you haven't told him, but the commitment you're making to each other by having a child would suggest to me that you should be able to share these kinds of things.

Good luck, I hope everything is good with this pregnancy :)

[becks]

I agree with morrisonker - whilst you may not feel able to tell your partner, the doctor will know about your history and it could have repurcussions for this pregnancy, a friend of mine had to have extra scans for her pregnancy after a similar situation. You shouldn't say no if the doctor asks you so you ought to go without your partner, it's imperative that the doctor knows your medical history as you could be risking your health and the health of your unborn baby. Good luck, hope the pregnancy works out, and really think about telling your partner - if it was that long ago, and way before you met him - why should he have a problem? Like morrisonker says, maybe there's a good reason, but there's no reason to compromise on your (plural)  health.

[ursula62]

Why not call the doctor first to discuss this before deciding whether to take your partner along or not? I'm sure he or she will be sympathetic.

[netty.m]

I do know when you visit the midwife for the first time and you fill in the file which you have to take to every appointment (hospital, midwife, drs) she will ask if it is your first pregnancy.  It is marked in your file and it might be mentioned again at other appointments, especialy if you are seen by different midwifes, as they will read your file.  Also my partner used to read my file to see what the midwifes had written about the baby and how it was growing etc. 

[smudge]

Hi jan -  I know you sadly lost your first baby before you met your partner, but if you are now in a secure & loving relationship with him, honesty may be the best policy. 

I'm sure you have your reasons why you don't wish to tell him, but I bet you'll feel a great sense of relief if you do. I'm sure he will understand.

Having said all that, if you still don't feel the need to tell him, it might be best to consult your GP first, to explain that you do not wish the subject to be brought up in the presence of your partner. Good luck.

[CarolG]

I agree with Ursula62, it may be best to call your doctor first. I know that the other posts are only trying to help, but Jan has stated that she does not wish to tell her partner and she is not looking for opinions/comments on that.

[Miss Zippy]

Purely on a practical level, your  GP will not know that  he/she should not discuss anything that is relevant to your pregnancy (i.e. your previous pregnancy) with you in front of your partner (or anyone else you choose to take along to appointments). You might need to disclose your past pregnancy to a number of health professionals during the course of your pregnancy and it is obviously in your interests and your baby�s interests to do this in order to ensure you receive all the care you need. I understand you have reasons for not telling your partner but if he is going to be closely involved in the ante natal stages, there is probably a high chance he will find out.  

[Octavius]

Sorry to put a spoke in the wheel, and I know you have covered it above, but if had been with someone for 4 years I would have hoped that they would be able to tell me something like that that had happened in their life.  I would feel very hurt if I found out by accident after 10 years.  Supposing he had had a bad case of an STD in the past and chose not to tell you because that was before you ever met him...?  Go with the other suggestions above, but might it be an idea to consider confiding in your partner?    

[cassimer]

Hi jan
I just wanted to say that I'm really feeling for you. I had an ectopic a couple of years ago and it was a really difficult experience. I find it really hard to talk about, but it is an important part of who I am, and my partner understands and supports me in this. The fact that you dont want your partner to know about your first pregnancy suggests to me that it is still an important issue for you, and being such it really might be best to tell your partner. I understand your unwillingness to do so, but this second pregnancy might be hard in light of your past experiences, and your partner's support might really help.
Whatever your decision i just want to wish you the best luck possible and hope you and baby are fine. Whatever happens dont lie to your doctors, as the your health and the baby's come first.
Good luck with it all.

[AB Editor]

For all medical questions, we strongly advise you to seek professional advice from your doctor or a healthcare professional.  Please do not rely on, or wait for, advice from Answerbank users.

[ursula62]

Some GPs now give you your medical notes to keep during your pregnancy, it's part of a system to make mothers-to-be more in control of what's happening to them. If your GP does this then your partner would have access to those notes.

[jan7]

Wow,

What a huge response! I'd just like to thank everyone for all their help & advise, My partner is very loving etc - but I think he would find it hard to deal with the fact that I have been pregnant before.

When I met him, I wanted to tell him, but never really found the right time - now I feel I have left it too late.

I'm scared to tell him now that I am pregnant incase it causes big problems - I think it will either way.

Thank you all so much - it's deffinately made me think about the way I will approach things in the future.

I think I will tell him, but I don't know how or when..

[jan7]

Also,

As it was 7 years ago... Will it really affect me now?

[netty.m]

Jan

Good luck in whatever you chose to do.  Hope everything goes ok with your partner and your pregnacy. 

[Morrisonker]

you never know, always better to be safe than sorry.  pregnancy is a stressful enough time as it is without worrying about previous complications.

[Englishbird]

Hi Jan

I think this is the perfect time to tell him.  You must also be worried and if he know's the truth he also has a chance to be more supportive.  Caring decent men want to be involved in the pregnancy of their child and this would bring him further in rather than it being a secret from him.

It's very hard to find the words for something like this, but just tell him you have something to tell him and ask him to be quite for a few minutes then gently explain what happened and why you didn't tell him, and why you're telling him now.

He may be a little shocked and you have to be ready for him being a bit p*ssed off potentially. But if he is like that, just give him a bit of time and it will pass, you will feel so much better losing this secret and be able to concentrate on your new pregnancy.

Best of luck xx

[kick3m0n]

Jan YES...it may still affect this pregnancy - even if it had been 20 years ago.  You absolutely must tell your doctor everything to ensure the best possible care during this pregnancy.  Medical history is vital here, even tho the father of  the baby is different, and every pregnancy is unique etc.  Good luck.